I've just been lying in bed thinking of some things that I wanted to write down and about the fact that I could not for the life of me go to sleep and so I'd better get up and get something done. I rented Peter Pan this evening. The newest one. I don't know if it was because I have always been enchanted with the original story, and because this movie followed the original story so well, but I was completely taken with it. I loved it. I told Nathan (rather tongue in cheek) that I was trying not to see the deficiencies in his character that were keeping him from feeling the same way. I am looking forward to watching the extras tommorow. I would be watching them now, but I don't want to wake up my sleeping husband, who was home by 7:30 this evening!!! Love the slowing down of the season, and in two days he gets to have the day off. :) He took Tuesday off, too, and got a lot done around here, which was wonderful. Well, back to things that I wanted to write down. My rambling mind just goes unchecked once I am in bed and have nothing else to occupy it. I was praying. Specifically praying for Karen. It seems like there are more things deteriorating in her body every hour. Someone from church called me tonight to say that Darren had called the pastor on their way home from the hospital where Karen was having tests and procedures done all day and that she now has small blood clots in her legs which could turn into bigger ones. She is in a lot of pain, as she has been, and her chemo is causing more physical weakness and side effects. I was praying for healing. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord can heal her, that He can be shrinking the cancer cells and killing them right now, that He can be restoring her body to optimal functioning. Don't tell me about statistics, don't tell me about medical facts. I don't believe in them. I only believe in the Great Physician, the God of all flesh, the One who knows Karen's body better than any doctor, and Who is more powerful than any disease. I know He can heal her. Am I a fool to believe He is healing her? Then I choose to be a fool.

Thinking of and praying for Karen led me into thinking of and praying for Amy. My dear sweet friend Amy is pregnant with her fourth little boy right now. She has always submissively trusted her doctors, the medical community, etc. and has never really been an active, informed participant in any of her births. This is what she told me about herself the other day. Her first two births were epiduraled, episiotomied, lithotomy position births, with 4th degree (iatrogenic) tears, and months and months of pain and healing. Her third birth was an elective c-section on the advice of the same doctor who caused her severe tearing the first two times. He told her that if she birthed vaginally again, she would almost certainly tear again and would probably have to have reconstructive bowel surgery. If you know me at all, you know my views on birth, that it is a beautiful, natural, amazing, God created event that works best when left to its own devices under the care of carefully chosen, supportive caregivers. Amy's and my views of birth have been almost diametrically opposed. Until now. The doctor that did her cesarean (not the one who did her first two births) has recommended that she look into VBAC. So, she called me, we talked, she asked for information. I thanked God for her interest and started researching and dogearing and printing out and emailing and presented her with some info the other day. The last thing I wanted to do was to in any way degrade or devalue her other births. They resulted in healthy babies, and they were what she chose at the time. God was in control of it all. That said, I did want to gently show her that there are alternatives, safer, healthier, more comfortable ways of doing things. She called me after reading some things that I had given her and said she wanted to do the VBAC and do it all natural and would I be with her while she is delivering and she was just a little afraid of could she really do it because she's never really done it before.... I told her I would love to be with her while she is in labor, and would support her the best that I could until then with information, help, encouragement, etc. I feel like this is a great opportunity, and I am keeping her in prayer, that she would not feel the fear that surrounded her first three births, that she would become educated and empowered about her bodys ability to birth, and that I would be a blessing to her in the midst of it and help to accomplish these things. Again, the God of all flesh can bring her through it beautifully.

Thinking about Amy got me thinking of my own births, which I cherish in memory and have the stories of written down here and there, and of course etched upon my memory. Grace's story is somewhere on this blog. In fact one of the main reasons that I started this was to have a place to write her birth story. I was thinking tonight, though, about something from her birth journey that I did not write down, because it seemed irrelevant to me when recounting the story, even though when it happened it sparked something of significance in my brain. I had spent a Saturday night in labor. My midwife was here, (more on her insistence than mine, but that's a whole other story, recounted in past posts), I was contracting steadily, and spent the night getting farther and farther into stronger labor, then it started to fizzle out. I was in the hot tub in my living room, (again, another story) and the contractions that had been so strong started getting weaker. I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open, and had been in labor as strong as my previous two for about four hours or so. (Just another praise to God that I was having a homebirth, because this was the point where if I were in the hospital they would have put me on Pitocin and possibly ended up doing a c-section, and it ended up that my baby didn't want to be born until almost a week later.) In the morning, after a few hours of sleep and some (completely unpleasurable) um, prostoglandin placement, ahem.. my midwife checked me and I was still at 5 cm, unchanged from late in the evening before. I was devastated. I lost faith in my body at this point and thought What is wrong with me? My midwife went home, and I went to soak in the hot tub and cry, over the fact that I was so positive I was going to be holding a baby only a few hours before, and here I was, hardly contracting at all, completely exhausted physically and mentally and questioning myself and everything I knew about birthing. **Here's the part that I wanted to write down*** As I lay in the hot tub, facing the window, I kept turning over all these thoughts in my mind. The sky was bright white outside, and as I looked down at my bulging belly I could see clearly the reflection from the window in the still water over my body. On the window sill was a little stained glass candleholder that depicted a nativity, and as I looked down at the body I had lost faith in, I saw this tiny scene of the baby Jesus right over the place where my baby was nestled inside of me. It was a quiet but stark reminder that Jesus was over my body, that He was in control of when my baby was born, not me. This may sound very silly to most people, but to me, it was the still small voice of God whispering that He was still there, that He was still in control, and that I needed but to trust Him. I was still discouraged, I was still exhausted, but I was slightly renewed with this mercy that He gave me, His mercies were new that morning.

As I get ready to leave this little house, I feel many things. I think the biggest is an awe and awareness of my humble and unworthy state. This house was a blessing, it is a blessing, and yet my sinful self centeredness too often found the negatives about this place to focus on. And yet, the Lord is providing a bigger blessing to all of those negatives. More space, more convenience, more everything. The situation we are entering into has been so obviously orchestrated by the Lord that it leaves me wide eyed in wonder at His grace and abundant provision. I am thankful, so thankful, and please Lord, open my dull eyes when I start taking your blessings for granted. I also feel a bit of wistful regret. This is the house that I brought my first baby home to, the one that my second and third babies were born in, the one where my marriage was torn apart and rebuilt, where my faith has grown, where my family has grown. There have been laughter and tears and joy and renewal and love here. It has been a place of solace for my husband and of familiarity for my children. I am excited to be in our new home, but a small part of my heart will always be here. I think we leave parts of our heart, cherished memories and tragic remembrances in places, but I think the Lord can grow our hearts whole again, He always fills in the gaps that living takes out.

I am about out of thoughts here, but I did want to record that I am now officially fertile again. I started my period on Thursday morning. I was completely surprised, and continue to feel almost no pain or cramping or anything, which is very unusual for me. In a way it made me sad, I think there was a small part of me that was thinking maybe I was pregnant, but now I can get pregnant. That's in the Lord's hands, whatever our plans are, He supercedes. Anyway. I hope I can get to sleep soon.............

Time is flying by. We are packing, organizing, everything. I didn't think there would be that much to do to get ready for this move, but even just the planning is taking up a lot of time! Several friends have asked me to find things for them online, too, so I have been researching things and taking a lot of time to do that. I feel like I am getting more frazzled as time goes on, and I really need to refocus and recenter on the Lord and doing His will, even in the small things day to day. Going to read the Word now. Happy Wednesday!!

Okay, for the second Friday in a row, I missed this, but this time I am just doing it a day late! :)


1. Laughing at Ian when he lays on the floor screaming, then starts laughing when I tickle him.
2.Watching George's facial expressions as he explains to me why he needs a "chess game."
3.Having Grace grab my hair and give me "kisses" when I pick her up.
4.Seeing Nathan's smile when he makes a home run on his baseball game, and forgets all the million things he has weighing on his mind.
5.Being the one that a friend calls when she needs advice
6.Wishing my dad a Happy Birthday last night, a day late.
7.Getting an email from my mom this morning happy that school is finally out in Maine.
8.Planning surprise trips and parties.
9.Listening to Third Day.
10.Going to a bridal shower today for the girl that is going to be living in my house soon.
11.Having my favorite person home tommorow, I can't wait!!!!

The boys new favorite game, pushing/pulling their sister around in the laundry basket. 

Grace's SIX month picture.  

This was Grace on Sunday. Nate is holding her up. I love this outfit on her. 

I just couldn't resist buying this shirt off the clearance rack. Isn't it funny? 

If you were given 100% control over the casting of a big-budget remake of The Wizard Of Oz, who would you choose to cast in the roles of Dorothy, The Scarecrow, The Cowardly Lion, The Tin Man, The Good Witch of the North, The Wicked Witch of the West, Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, and Toto?

For a personalized version, non-Hollywood style: Okay, I would be Dorothy, just because I have always wanted to be. :) My brother in law, Ross, would be Scarecrow because he would be great silly, fumbling, falling all over the yellow brick road; my brother Dave would be the cowardly lion, because his hair looks like that and he does a great impression; Nathan would be the tin man, acting like he doesn't have a heart, but having one the whole time; Grace would be the good witch of the North; My first grade teacher Mrs. Chamberlain would be the wicked witch, I've always imagined her as such; The wizard would be George; Uncle Henry would be my father in law, sweet and caring and funny; Auntie Em would be my grandmother, she always reminded me of her, and Ian is the perfect Toto. :)

Now, Hollywood: Dorothy would have to be the daughter off the Gilmore Girls, I can't remember her real name right now, oh yeah, Alexis Beidel; Jim Carrey would be the scarecrow; Steve Martin would be the tin man; Jonathan Winters would be the cowardly lion; Kate Winslet would be the good witch; Courteny Cox would be the wicked witch; Tom Hanks would be the wizard; Auntie Em would be Glenn Close; Uncle Henry would be James Garner; and Toto would be Johnny Depp.

It's hot. And I refuse to run the air conditioning. I'm not pregnant, I'm not going anywhere today, my kids don't care if they are hot, and I don't want to spend the money on the AC, so it is hot here today. It doesn't help that I made four loaves of bread this morning. Nate came home Saturday to his "surprise" party, (he knew it all along) from his party at work. I was so glad they did that for him at work, it's so nice to know he's appreciated, and they gave him two gift cards to restaurants, so that means two dates for me!! Yay! He really liked the Twins hat I gave him and the Bible on CD. I was so glad. I am starting to go a little crazy here realizing that I have so much to do to get packed and move out in like 2 and a half weeks!!! I've got some boxes and I've got all the pictures and decorations packed away, and I can pack books now, but the clothes and dishes and bedding and bathroom stuff we will need to be using still. I need to find a bigger kitchen table. The dining room in the new house (still can't believe it, wow!!!) is much bigger than ours here, and we are leaving our 4 person table in this house, so I need to find a bigger one, preferably round, with leaves. That's what I would love. It doesn't have to be fancy, just functional. That house is going to seem so empty with our stuff in it. We're kind of cramped here, but there is a lot more space there, plus a two car garage, so I'm thinking it's going to seem a bit empty. I don't mind at all!!! My mil is coming over later to bring me some boxes and Nate is wanting to get packing so I should take advantage of his ambition and put him to work tonight. My dad's birthday is Thursday, and I won't be able to get to the post office before it closes today, so he won't get his card and present from me until after his birthday. Oh well. Maybe they will have a party for him this weekend anyway. I've gotten Nate's Father's Day presents already, a T-shirt from the kids that has an electric guitar on it and says "Dad rocks!" (George picked it out), and I am getting him a subscription to Rush 24/7 so we can download Rush's new mp3's and he can listen to the whole show. I looked at getting him an mp3 player, but they are so expensive!! Maybe by Christmastime I will be able to find one for cheap on ebay. Well, I should go, I have laundry to do and lots more if I really thought about it!!!

Happy Birthday to my Nathan

Twenty eight years ago today, my favorite person was born. He was the first son born to Karen and George Buchan, the first of four sons. They named him Nathan, which means "gift from God." Little did they know that what they thought was their gift from God would turn out to be God's greatest gift to me besides His precious Son. I thank the Lord for the blessing of my husband. We have been through a lot together, and through the years I have known him, and loved him, I have come to see him more and more as God sees him; precious, endeavoring to do what is right, faithfully commited to what he feels called to. For a long time, I was blinded by my own selfish desire for perfection, and all I could see were the negatives. All I could see were his failures and his shortcomings. Then, through a series of lessons from the Lord, through some circumstances I never would have wished for but ultimately thank God for, I had to choose to love my husband. I chose to accept and love and strive to honor the man that the Lord had created me for, and at the time that I made the decision, all of his failures and shortcomings and imperfections were in stark display. But, the Lord gave strength to make the right choice, and you know what happened? When I decided to love my husband, not based upon him, or me, but based upon what the Lord had commanded, then I started to see what an incredible blessing, what a wonderful man, what an amazing person my Nathan really is. He is the person who can always be depended upon to work his hardest, to go above and beyond, to try his best to do a better job. He is the man that makes me laugh, that holds me tight, that wants to be with me even when I don't want to be with myself. He is the man that gave me my children, that always provides for us, protects us, and loves us. He is the one that is in so many wonderful memories, of tears in his eyes asking me to be his wife, of his hand in mine when God joined us in marriage, of our first anniversary on the beach :), of holding me through pain and sorrow and hopelessness, then of catching our first son as he came into the world, and of a million more ways that I fell in love with him when I saw him with our child, with all our children. Memories of tears together, of hearts breaking, of being reknit together by the Lord. He fulfills all my earthly desires and it strikes me speechless sometimes to reflect upon the blessing of being called to love him and be his helpmeet. Today, I celebrate him, my love, my Nathan. I wish I could give him a gift that would begin to compare with all he has given me.

Nathan is in bed right now. I know, you're thinking, why aren't you in bed with him, "celebrating?" ;P Well, he has a head cold, and feels terrible. He looked so pathetic and all he wanted to do was go to bed. :( We didn't really do anything much for his birthday today, his party is on Saturday. I did make him a cake, and gave him his card, (which I didn't want him opening at his party anyway:P). Then we went to sign the contract and put down earnest money on our new house. I am so happy that he is getting excited about this now, too. I think once we move in (in three weeks!!!) he will be even more excited about it. I hope Nate enjoys his party on Saturday, I feel like he didn't have a very special day today, but hopefully his "birthday week" will get better. I love that man so much, he deserves all the happiness in the world. :)

We're moving!!!!

I just got off the phone with my (WONDERFUL) husband and he told me to start packing. The man accepted our offer on the house!!! I am just completely amazed and awed and praising the Lord for His hand in all of this. "Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well" I can't believe that the man took the offer of $7000 less than his asking price. Nathan told me that we are meeting at the house tommorow night to sign papers and put down earnest money and as soon as the financing is all run through, we will be ready to move. He said he thought it would definitely be within three weeks! I can't wait to tell George. The other two kids are too little to know what's going on, of course, but George has been praying for this with me for weeks now. I know he will be so excited. I also can't wait to tell the couple that want to rent our house, I know they will be excited, too. I tried to call them but the phone was busy. Wow, I just realized that I have a really lot to do! Oh, it just makes me feel so humbled to be blessed like this, to have all the advantages and blessings and comforts of being in a bigger, nicer house and neighborhood with family right next door. How incredible is the Lord's hand in all of this. I can obviously see His working in even the little things from the beginning of this process and I give Him all the glory for bringing it to pass.

The Power of Three
Or just a meme with 3 things in them that has been going around the web....

*3 names I go by: Charity, Mama, Dear

*3 physical things I like about myself: My eyes, my shoulders, my belly button

*3 physical things I dislike about myself: My stomach, my butt, my thighs

*3 parts of my heritage: Scottish, English, Welsh

*3 things I am wearing right now: White tank top, jean skirt, silver earrings

*3 favorite bands / musical artists: Third Day, Tchiakovsky, Howard Shore

*3 things I want in a relationship: honesy/ communication, intimacy, and laughter

*3 things I want to do really badly right now: work out, move, go to Maine

*3 things that scare me: someone told me the other night that fear is ever only the absence of belief that God is in control. I choose to believe that He is.

*3 of my everyday essentials: water, hugs, prayer

*3 careers you have considered or are considering: painter, greeting card writer, mountain climber :P

*3 places you want to go on vacation: Scotland, England, private island with my man

*3 kids’ names you like: George, Ian, Grace

*3 things you want to do before you die: climb Pikes Peak again, have more children, see all my children come to Christ

*3 ways I am stereotypically a boy: I HATE crying, I love to get dirty working outside, I don't like shopping

*3 ways I am stereotypically a girl: I love being a Mama, I am sympathetic, I can multi-task

*3 celeb crushes: Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart,....um, is Nathan a celebrity?

*3 people who are up next: ? ? ?

Thanks Nattie! :)

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Children are messy. Saturday night I gave the boys a bath. Ian got out first and was standing in the bathroom wearing a towel one minute, then I turned around to dry George off and Ian bolted from the room, leaving the towel behind. He ran straight to his father, who was sitting on the living room floor and promptly peed on the carpet. About 30 seconds after I got that all cleaned up, Grace grabbed Nathan's plate of hot, saucy pizza and dumped it on the floor. Tonight, we had grilled chicken on salad for supper, and George thought it would be great fun to fling spinach leaves from his fork, catapult style. Yes, children are messy. These are just a few of the hundreds of slops, spills, spitups, and stains that mark my days. I think it's one more thing about children that makes us get our eyes off material things. When everything is going to get ruined anyway, it's kind of pointless to get too attached to it. And really, who can be mad about stained carpet when there is a shrieking, laughing naked little boy flying by you, begging to be grabbed and tickled? :)

I have been praying, fretting, consumed with this house situation, and Thursday night I asked my husband if he had made a decision yet, fully expecting him to say "Yes, it's just too much money, we aren't going to do it." But he said no, he hadn't decided yet. Sunday afternoon, Nate disappeared for awhile and didn't say what he was doing. He must have been just praying and thinking about it, because on the way to life group he grabbed my hand and says "About this house..." I just looked at him. I had resigned myself to the fact that he wasn't going to go for it. What he said next was "You asked me the other night if I thought the Lord would never lead me to make a financially unwise decision, and if that was an absolute in my mind. Well, there are absolutes, and one of them is 'honor your father and your mother.' That's what I need to do here. I know how much it means to my parents for us to move next door, and I'm going to go for it." I was so surprised, it wouldn't have occured to me that that would be a reason for him to make this decision, but I could tell he took the responsibility to be obedient to this scripture very seriously. I was so proud of him. I am so proud of him. I knew it would be a huge leap for him to decide to do this, but the fact that he is doing it based upon honoring his parents just makes me respect and love that man even more. He called today and spoke with the realtor and made another offer. If the seller doesn't take that, which is slightly lower than what the seller had said he needed before, Nathan said he will pay what the man needs to buy the house. I am overjoyed excited, but still trying to guard my emotions, because it isn't final yet, and someone else may offer him more than we could pay anyway. It is an answer to prayer just to have our minds be in one accord over this, whatever the decision was. Lord willing we will hear back soon. Pray, pray, pray!!

Your Scent is Mango Sultry, sweet, and mellow You enjoy every moment of life! What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Swonderings

From W@H:Tell about the place you think of as home from your childhood. What did it look like? What smells remind you of home? What memories does "home" evoke for you?

I love this question. :) Home to me is my grandmothers house in Maine. My family moved around to one tiny house or trailer after another, but my grandmothers house was always home. Sometimes we stayed there for a few months at a time, and my brothers and cousins and I often stayed there for weeks in the summertime. Picture driving down a winding dirt road with trees brushing the road on either side. You come into a clearing and you see the tall pines in front of the apple orchard, and beyond, the house. You park across the road in front of the greenhouse. I say "road", but path would be more accurate, as all that is beyond my grandparents land on that dead end road are a very small sawmill and treetapping trails. From where you park you can see the big garden, cornstalks waving in the breeze and flowers winking at you from the front of the rich dirt expanse. Beyond the garden, you can just make out the first scrubby blueberry bushes on the top of the hill. They go down to the bottom of the hill, and you smile in reminiscence of warm, sweaty mornings swinging a little blueberry rake and scooping up hundreds of the things. Of course, while you're reminiscing, you think of all the time spent in the garden, painstakingly picking weeds or measuring seed troughs and planting under the scrutinizing gaze of the workhorse that is "Grampy." Yes, those fateful words, spoken in a thick Maine burr "Ah got a job foa ya'" were all too often the start of one of those mornings of backbreaking labor in the hopes of a quarter for all the hard work. Grandchildren, to my veteran workaholic retired grandfather, meant free slave labor, but it was always rewarding to feel so useful. I still wonder at how my cousins and brothers and I used to fight over who got the honor of unlacing Grampy's boots when we came in for lunch after a hard mornings' work getting all dirty. But, back to the path. Turning from the blueberry bushes and the garden, you cross the road and can see the barn in the distance. Grampy's rusty old red tractor is just peeking from the barn door. The potato fields in the distance bring back another flood of childhood memories, hauling rocks from the furrows into buckets and dragging them over to the truck to be put on the rock pile, or later in the season bent down by potato plants, and picking off those peculiar little creatures called potato bugs into a coffee can of turpentine. My grandfather was always exacting in his calculations, and sometimes would judiciously declare that we would get a penny for each bug in our can. Of course, this entailed my poor grandmother having to individually count each little bug from all seven cans of her grandchildrens' picking. Turning from the barn, you see the house. A great big old Maine farm house, with five bedrooms, a big screened in porch in the back and a huge fireplace. That house holds so many sweet memories for me. Of sitting in the rocking chair with my grandmother reading stories, of playing hide and seek in all the many nooks, crannies, closets and cupboards that the house contained, of sneaking down the living room stairs at night, shushing each other and watching the TV from the top step while my grandfather clicked through the channels and my grandmother dozed off and on next to him, knitting for a bit when she awoke. I remember hauling wood for the woodbox every afternoon when I was a teenager and had just walked home in the snow from the little Christian school down the road that I finished high school in. I remember playing dress-up with my cousins with my great grandmothers' costume jewelry, then having a fashion show with my grandmother oohing and aahing as we descended the stairs in heels too big for us, and gaudy peach pearls with our chiffon covered dresses and feathered hats. I remember birthday parties on the porch, when the great big wooden table was covered with my grandmothers faded Happy Birthday tablecloth and balloons taped to the chair at the head of the table. My brothers and I all have summer birthdays and always looked forward to celebrating out on the big porch, with mosquitoes buzzing outside the screens and the wind blowing through the trees beyond, with the smell of lilacs drifting up from the side of the house. Often, on summer days, after a morning of helping Grampy in whatever task he had for us, we would wolf down a quick lunch and Nanny would walk us down to the river, following the path down through the woods under the green metal bridge overhead. The water is always cold in the Little Wilson, but that never stopped us from splashing and swimming and enjoying ourselves to the utmost. Swimming in the Wilson, however always paled in comparison to going "up to camp" and swimming in Greenwood Pond. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I realized the oddity of calling that lake a pond, but no one ever thought anything of it. My older brother and I would race to swim across, quite a feat that left the dock we started at barely in sight and always had my mother yelling for us to come back. I'm sure I spent more hours swimming and canoeing in that water than doing anything else in the summertime when I was a child, or at least that's what my mind has held onto. I loved to canoe out to the edges of the water and listen to the loon's song, especially at almost dusk, when the sun is just starting to turn the water pale orange and the breezes are getting a bit cooler. That's when we would go in to shore, dry off and put on one of Nanny's spare flannel shirts and wait, stomach's growling for one of Grampy's famous hamburgers, followed by marshmallows toasted at the fire pit by the dock. Of course, from the dock, from the water, from anywhere on Greenwood Pond, you were in sight of Borestone Mountain. That's another inaccurately named landmark. I say Mountain, but you could climb it in the space of a long morning and have lunch on the peak. When I close my eyes, I can see those familiar trails and trees going up Borestone. It's been three years since I have climbed those trails. Maybe the next time I go, my son can climb beside me. This sleepy little town called Willimantic, not even on most maps, where my grandmother lived was the home of so many of my sweet memories of childhood.

I long for that place of peace, swinging on the hammock looking through the trees at Greenwood, or feeling the heat from the fireplace in my grandparents living room as snow falls silently outside the big picture window. My grandparents are selling the house soon. It breaks my heart for it to not be there for me to come home to, but I guess the memories are etched upon heart indelibly, even if I never get to eat my grandfathers' maple syrup on waffles on a Sunday night in the kitchen in that house again, even if I never get to have another birthday celebration on the porch in the breeze, even if I never get to sneak down the stairs and steal candy canes from the Christmas tree and gaze into that fireplace again.

Friday

We are still in kind of a waiting pattern with the house thing, but the Lord has renewed my peace in His perfect plan over it, whatever my husband decides to do. So, I am finally doing wonderful Nattie's Friday Meme! :)


1. Ian's laugh- the biggest, most joyous guffaw you've ever heard
2. George's wit- the smartest, most perceptive, cutest little man ever
3. Grace's smiles- instantaneous sunshine, you can't help but melt over them
4. Nathan's embraces- tight hugs and tender kisses, he is such an incredible gift from the Lord
5. Thursday night Bible study- rambling, sometimes deeply spiritual, sometimes chasing a rabbit down a trail of giggles, always a blessing
6. My mother
7. My mother-in-law
8. My health
9. Sunshine and breeze through the trees from my back deck
10. Basking in the knowledge that my Creator already has my future in place and nothing surprises Him. His perfect will has a definite purpose, and I don't have to worry about it, He is in control.

Well, Nathan called the realtor yesterday and made an offer of $115,000. She called the seller and he said he couldn't financially go lower than $125,000. Nate pointed out to her that if he sits on it for 6 months and gets his price, it would be the same as if he took $120,000 for it right now. She said we were the first offer and the man thought he could do better. Nathan said "Well, you have my number." I had been in prayer constantly all day yesterday, claiming God's promises and holding on to ALL He has done thus far to open doors and the fact that He had given Nathan peace and assurance about it finally, too. I know that God can do this, I just don't know if He will. Does that make my faith "wavering?" It seems like the Lord has orchestrated everything up to this point for it to work out- drawing me closer to Him in prayer and giving me complete peace about it, giving Nathan the unexpected very nice raise, bringing the couple needing a place to rent into our path, (the mom of the girl even told me yesterday that they said it was their "dream house!!!") lining up the financing, and the biggest thing- getting through all of Nathan's concerns and giving him peace about it. It doesn't seem as if God would do all this just to have it not work out. He hasn't closed the door yet, though, and I am clinging to that. I continue to pray that the Lord would give wisdom and provision to Nathan, and incline the sellers heart towards us. Really, if it is going to happen, it needs to happen soon. The couple getting married soon are going to need to have a place to live all lined up, and if they can't have our house, they are going to sign a year contract someplace else, and if we don't have renters, we can't afford to do this anyway. I just felt sick to my stomach last night, and couldn't sleep for hours. I didn't say much to Nathan. I was afraid if I did, my sinful flesh would just yell "I can't believe you're going to screw this up by being your cheap self?!?!" But, I just bit my tongue and took a hot bath instead. It is foolish of me to believe God worked everything out this far and then believe that somehow my husband is just beyond the Lord's control. I know God is in control, He already knows what's going to happen. I think I have just gotten my heart and hopes set upon this too much. We were at Nathan's parents on Monday night and we were all talking about things we would do once we moved in next door and where we would put furniture, etc. Perhaps I have gotten my eyes off of the Lord's hand in favor of seeking what is in His hand. I need to spend some time today with the Lord. I have been in constant prayer, asking for the Lord's help and provision and blessing; maybe I need to spend more time seeking His praise and worship and will. I am still praying for it all to work out, though. I believe it is the Lord's will, and I will continue to think so until He shuts the door definitely on this.

I made dinner yesterday for my friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer and brought it over to their house in the afternoon. I didn't see her or her husband while I was there, just a few of the kids and the girl who is caring for the children right now. She said that Karen was not doing well at all. I know she had been on morphine for pain when she was at the hospital, I don't know if she has anything she can take at home, but she must still be in terrible pain. Just being in their home and knowing all that is going on with them just broke my heart. This is definitely one of those times when you just want to ask God "Why?" Their faith and testimony through all of this has been amazing, though. It has certainly served to refocus my attentions on what is truly important and being thankful for all the Lord has blessed me with. My little worries about this house situation definitely pale in comparison to all that they are going through.

Well, Ian is still in his pajamas, I should get him dressed and try to get some things done today.