Sad....but joyful

One of the saddest trips you can make is coming back from the airport alone after spending a week with someone who helped formed your heart and continues to be one of the chief encouragers of it. I drove my mom there this morning, and didn't even realize how much she had filled my soul with joy and help until I drove away and just felt bereft. It was such an incredible gift, her week here with us, but of course, it went all too fast. The kids had so much fun with their Grammy, and again my mothers example of truly loving and caring for people was such an inspiration to me. She has a gift for meeting people where they're at, whatever their ages or stages and finding what would bless and help them most. She made crossword puzzles for the kids, complicated ones for George and simpler ones with letters Ian knew for him to fill in. Ian was so proud of himself for doing it. The one for Grace was just suited to her little girly, frilly, tough and silly personality. Then she made a big one for the kids and I to fill out together all about our day together at Callaway Gardens on Wednesday. She pretended to be surprised at the decorations and birthday cake the kids helped me with on Tuesday and acted as if she were being given the moon over the little presents the kids got her and wrapped themselves. She danced to "the Clara music" (Nutcracker) with Grace, wanted to hear all about the boys Lego creations, played in the sandbox with Claire, read story after story, and even wrote a special story for "Princess Grace" about her royal family who lived in the land of Newnan and the Great King of all Who watched over them. She brought books and taught the kids how to draw pictures and made things with them, including collars for the little puppy toys they got from a meal she treated us out to. She bought them special books and toys and treats. She washed and folded and swept and cooked and fixed and helped me, despite my insisting she was on vacation and should be putting her feet up. We played Speed Scrabble and watched movies and exercised together and talked and soaked in the hot tub and drank coffee and looked at pictures and planned for the future. She listened and encouraged and gave me ideas and prayed and helped and just made me feel like a useful, valuable person. Of course she has known me all my life, and anything worthwhile in me is because of her example and instruction and help and continual encouragement to look to the Lord to make all things right. Having lived it herself in much harder circumstances, she was such an encouragement to Nate and I about waiting on the Lord for the job He has for Nathan. "It will come at just the right time, and you'll be ready for it when it does" she said. His (and to a lesser degree, my) stress and discouragement over his job, along with a certain amount of trepidation about the future just seem less insurmountable in the face of joyful hope in the Lord's provision for us. I know my father can hardly do without his dear wife, and after being with her for the week, I miss her so much more now than I did before she came. I can see why he sounded like Eeyore every time she talked to him on the phone. In a purely self centered sense, it was such complete balm to my soul to have her here, with me every minute, completely involved in and validating all the "inconsequential" little patterns and routines that make up my days of childcare and home making and trying to live healthfully. I felt like what I was doing was important and interesting and that I was doing a decent job of it because she was here doing it with me. And now my heart is breaking because she is gone. We are hoping to go up North in the fall, so Lord willing we will see her again in October. Her flight was very early this morning, so she said Goodbye to the kids last night before bed. I fear George was the only one who understood, though, that she wasn't going to be here when they woke up in the morning and I will be joined in my tears of missing her today. She said Goodbye to Nathan last night, and cried some tears of her own, encouraging him to keep his faith in the Lord and His will and path, and that it will be revealed soon. She has a full day of travel ahead of her, with a four hour layover in Philadelphia, then on to Boston where she will take the bus to New Hampshire, where my dad will pick her up, then an hour drive home where she will be greeted by dirty dishes and a full hamper and a cat the size of a compact car who will be put out that she hasn't been picking up his hairballs all week. Then she'll have three church services tomorrow and back to work Monday, where she teaches disabled special education high school students. I can't help but daydream about how wonderful it would be if we could live closer together. My father seems to be brewing again on his "secret invention" (his attitude is "If I told you, I'd have to kill you") and wanting to get that off the ground. Who knows, maybe Nathan getting done with his job would coincide somehow with my dad needing his help for the start of his business. In a perfect world, that would all work out beautifully. Of course, in a perfect world, everyone that I loved I would actually be able to hug every day, and would never have to feel the wrenching in my heart that I do now. It just makes me long for Heaven all that much more after my mother has given me a taste of it for a week.

Tuesday

I just updated my health blog and thought I should actually write some words here as well. My neck and shoulder are killing me, I *really* need to get to the chiropractor soon. I am considering just hauling all the kiddos with me and trying to corral them there. Everyone is feeling alright here, besides a few allergic sniffles among the munchkin set. Nate is caffeine free and trying to eat healthy since his heart scare last week. I am just thankful it wasn't anything more serious, and praying even more fervently now for the Lord to bring a low stress job for Nathan, as this PVC (premature ventricular contraction) is aggravated by stress, among other things, which Nate is inundated with every single day at his job. I'm trying to keep things low stress for him as much as I can at home, and I am thankful for any little thing I can do to make his life easier, but at the same time, it does in a way make me feel more alone than just his being physically gone so much right now does. I know the Lord can and will meet all my needs, though, and I need to remember to look to Him first, instead of waiting til I am at the end of my rope. I am still having some chest pain but I think now it must be my left lung, since my heart is technically fine, according to the stress ekg and echo I had done. I still would like to look into the pectus surgery.

I have switched from apple cider vinegar liquid to tablets, thanks to my MIL, who just had some on hand. It has helped get the acidy burn out of my throat, but I don't think it works as well on my asthma. I am still off the Advair. I did totally screw up the other day and waited way too long to eat then was so hungry I just polished off about a cup and a half of mac and cheese. The next day I felt wheezy and chest sore and yuck. As if I needed any further confirmation that dairy and I should no longer be seeing each other. "It's not you, milk, it's me" :)

I have really been convicted lately about my dropping the ball and getting out of the habit of getting up right away in the morning. We have gotten so out of the groove homeschooling since the beginning of the year with trying to potty train Claire, having sick kids, health issues with myself and trying to keep up with exercising and all. Anyway, the bottom line is that while I could go on and on justifying and excusing my night owl tendancies and early morning aversions, the fact is that I need to get up. It doesn't matter what I feel like or how late I laid awake the night before, it is my job to take care of my kids, their education, their environment and their home, and I can't do that as well if I am wasting the time in the morning laying about in bed. There is nothing in my physical body or even my emotions that desires the establishment of this good habit, but how often do my flesh and my emotions actually steer me right?? Yeah, not often. This is just a matter of will and doing what I know to be right, regardless of how I feel. As a very wise woman was reminding me yesterday, establishing good habits is critical to success in homeschooling and life. If you remember to pray for lazy me in this, I would greatly appreciate it.

Speaking of homeschooling, it looks as if I might actually be able to attend the homeschool conference this year. I so wanted to last year and it just didn't work out, so this year I asked 6 months in advance about childcare on the two days of it, then 3 months, then a month or more ago. And at first it didn't seem as if it would work out, but now things may come together. I'm really excited. I feel more lost and floundering and like I don't know what I'm doing than I ever have. In short, I need all the help I can get. And I am hoping to get quite a few books there.

I am so excited that my mom is coming to visit for a week this Saturday!! I can't wait to see her and I am just so excited for my kids to have one on one time with their Grammy. Almost any time we are up there, other cousins are around, which is great, but they get to see Grammy all the time. My kids are lucky to see her once or twice a year. It will be wonderful to have her here for the whole week. I think we will go down to Callaway Gardens one day. I'm sure we'll take the kids to Barnes and Noble and browse Ashley Park and go to the playground. I want it to be restful for her, but for her to have fun as well. I wish my dad could come, but he can't get any more time off work. Man, I have a lot to do before Saturday!!! :P

Monday Mental Meanderings...

I have almost recovered from waking up this morning. Not that anything necessarily traumatic happened, it was just that I woke up (which is almost always unpleasant) and it was Monday. I actually woke up at around 6 and just laid in bed for a minute. I knew Nate was awake because he was on his back (and the man can really only sleep on his stomach) even though his eyes were closed. I put my hand on his chest to see if the crazy erratic heartbeat he had yesterday was still happening. Thankfully, it was normal. I don't know if that was just a side effect of what was probably mild food poisoning or him catching my throwing up bug from last week, or what. I'm just glad he's better. Not that he wouldn't have gone to work anyway, Mr. I-have-never-taken-a-sick-day-in-my-life-and-I-don't-intend-to-start-now would have just taken a barf bag and puked between phone calls. He started feeling badly yesterday afternoon and went to bed for the night at about 7. He just doesn't deal well with not enough rest, and being up til 2:30ish the night before did him in, I think. He was almost annoyingly chipper this morning, though, in the face of my morning grumpiness.

I have always wondered where the justice is in the fact that I feel my absolute worst, horrible, negative, depressed, achey, sore and nauseated first thing in the morning. I feel my best, positive, clear headed, flexible, full of energy, ready to face the day (er night) at about 10 pm. I don't know if God sneezed when he was doing my hard wiring or what, but I wish things were different. Unfortunately, wishes don't usually get you anywhere and only make you discontent most of the time. Things are as they are, and will probably continue to be so. I think the best I can do is try to communicate with people as little as I can in the morning until I start to feel like a human being and get caffeine into my system as quickly as possible. I think Mondays are harder too because they are right after the day we are all together as a family with Nathan, so I am in withdrawal from being around my best friend since Saturday night and all of a sudden he's off, into another full work week. Also I have done the least housework of the whole week on Sunday, so things are usually a disorganized mess.

I was running on Mondays for awhile, but last week did on Tuesday. Actually that's the only day I ended up running last week, since I started throwing up on Wednesday and still feel wrung out from all that. I think I lost a couple of pounds, though. And I haven't lost any weight running...hmm, maybe I need to start alternating exercise with some well timed contraction of the flu. :P I am hoping to really get back on track exercising now. Time will tell how well I do with that goal.

I need to go make biscuits. Actually, I am making Pillsbury refrigerated biscuits, which I have never done before. I assume it's easy, though. The reason I am making this ridiculously useless, overpriced and nutritionless item is because I am tweaking my maple egg bake recipe for the Pillsbury baking contest. I know, I know....me, entering a cooking contest...it is funny, you may laugh. George saw a poster for this contest saying you could win $1,000,000 and is convinced that we need to enter and win. There are several categories you can enter and this is in the breakfast category. We are also coming up with a dessert recipe that has eggs, cocoa and condensed milk in it. Of course, George has already decided what we are going to do with the money when we win. First, we will buy the Lego Deathstar, which will set us back about $400. Then we will buy Uncle Scott everything he needs for his camp. Then we'll pay off our house and buy a house for Grammy and Grampy. Then we'll buy the Lego Town set. Next we'll buy an airplane for Bobby and Joanna Burdett to go to Madagascar. Then new leap pads for all the kids, all the Magic Treehouse and Boxcar children books, as well as a really cool science curriculum with lots of experiments. After that, we're not sure. We'll let you know when we win. ;)

Saturday..

I had a busy day Thursday. I drove through the blinding rain to Dr. Boddy's office by 9 am. He said he wants me to get a glucometer (I got a free one from Rite-Aid!!) and take my blood sugar twice a day for 2 weeks, then come back and do another fasting blood test. Then I went to Starbucks and used the gift card my wonderful husband gave me and got a tall soymilk mocha, which was heavenly. Then I sped back to the cardiologist office, where I did a treadmill stress test. They did an ekg while I was resting, then while I was on the treadmill. The speed and incline went up every 3 minutes. My asthma was acting up a bit because of the rain and I had to stop to use my inhaler after only 15 minutes. I was afraid they weren't going to be able to get an accurate reading since I wasn't really exerting myself much, but they said 10 minutes was sufficient. The doctor I had first seen wasn't there, but his associate came in and introduced himself to me, looked at the ekg results briefly and said "Everything looks fine. I don't think Dr. Lourie had great expectations that it was your heart anyway." Then I asked if the echo results were in and he asked the technician/nurse/whatever she was who had done it. She called it up on her computer, looked at it for a few minutes and said "I'm looking at your results right now, and everything looks normal." So, I was glad to hear that, but almost got the feeling they weren't even taking me seriously, like they were expecting not to find anything on the test results of a 30 year old woman who wasn't obese or a smoker, so they didn't bother looking too hard, know what I mean? I could just be reading into this, of course. I am VERY glad that there weren't any glaring things wrong on the tests. I still want to discuss with Dr. Boddy the prolonged qt as it relates to my asthma meds and share more of my history/theories with him from my ridiculously long previous post.

Then I went to Rite Aid where I scored a free glucometer, Quick Trip to get gas, Target, where I found a broom but they didn't have the coffee maker I wanted and got a Vitamin Water (my favorite drink other than water and coffee!!), birthday presents for a niece and nephew, Cash 4 Clothes where I got a fall shirt for me and necklace for my friend Karen, then Value Village where I got a shirt for my mom, and an awesome illustrated dictonary of Star Wars, then BK- where I got a mayo free, onion free Whopper (which I really shouldn't have eaten the whole thing of, but I did), then back to Newnan, to One Roof consignment where I got a bunch of movies for the kids, then I stopped at Espresso Lane and got a small soymilk raspberry mocha, (yes, a TWO mocha day....I am a spoiled brat!), then to Great Clips where I got my hair cut into layers (pics later), then to Target where they also did not have the coffee maker I wanted but did have some really cute shirts for the girls on the clearance racks (I love when they match), then Wal-Mart to see if I could get an eye appt. (no dice), then Kohl's to see if they had any bras on sale (none for me), then to see the wonderful Dr. Poli at Alternacare, who fixed me up so well, and totally made me laugh because during my adjustment, my back cracked like 4x in a row, and he said "Hey, I crack you up!" (I love corny jokes like that) He said to come back in a month or sooner if I felt like I needed it. Then I went to Publix next door, where I *almost* confronted a guy for following me around, but just bought Safflower Oil instead, then went to JC Penney's, where I was sad to see that the running shoes I have been wanting are no longer $39.99 but $49.99 :( Then home, where I was greeted by Claire in a unicorn costume, then hugged and kissed by all and enjoyed a great dinner of "fridge rejects" as Nathan called it, then read to children, sent them to bed and watched the Office and 30 Rock with Nathan, ate lots of popcorn and went to bed.

On an incredibly positive note, I am amazed to report that I really think the apple cidar vinegar is helping my asthma!! This is the fourth day that I have been taking 2+ tbs. of it and last night, in the humidity and rain, with having accidentally skipped my Advair dosage the night before (because I wasn't reminded by my wheezing), I was actually able to take a full, deep breath. This is super unusual for me, especially during a rain storm. I have joked with Nate that I am a natural barometer, I can predict the amount of humidity in the air/chance of thunderstorm by how my lungs feel. This is what landed me in the ER almost every spring I lived in Florida. So, understand the significance of me being able to breathe even BETTER than normal while it is completely humid and raining out. I was astounded. And the only thing I've been doing differently is the acv. Usually if I skip a dosage of Advair accidentally, I feel twice as bad the next day, but I didn't even realize I had until afternoon, when I went out to get the mail and automatically thought "Okay, where's my inhaler, I bet I'll have to use it when I get back in." Then I realized I wasn't even wheezing a tiny bit, and that I had forgotten my Advair the night before. Wow. And I have found that mixing the acv with raw honey in a little glass of apple juice and holding my nose while I drink it goes down a whole lot better than straight 2T acv to 1T honey. I had the nasty dry heaves for about 5 minutes after that first dosage. Blech. I used my Advair again last night, figuring I will try to do it every other night instead of every night.

About the blood sugar thing, I took it yesterday morning and it was 57. Then before lunch it was 97. Dr. Boddy had told me to take it first thing in the morning and one other time during the day, after not eating for a few hours, like before lunch one day, before supper one day, etc. or if I was feeling dizzy or shaky or confused to take it then. So, I have been paying more attention to how I am feeling. And I realized yesterday at about 5 pm as I was staring into the fridge and nothing I was seeing was actually registering in my mind, that I feel that way almost every afternoon. I stood up, I felt dizzy, I held my hand out, it was shaking. And this is absolutely totally normal for me. If I don't plan dinner ahead of time, or have something in the crockpot I go through this miserable routine every day. In the late afternoon, at about the time kids are waking up from naps, I feel really tired. I used to have a little cup of coffee then, but I am trying to cut back, so I don't anymore. I dread having to figure out what to make for dinner, it is so the worst part of my day, (besides getting out of bed in the morning). I just feel like I can't think straight or figure anything out and I don't feel well, now that I actually think about it. I used to think it was just because I do not enjoy cooking in any way, but, I thought, maybe it is a blood sugar thing? Anyway, so yesterday afternoon I was feeling like this and finally realized I could make grilled chicken on salad for supper, so I started making that, then ate an herb biscuit and drank some water. About an hour later I thought to take my blood sugar, but by this time I was feeling much better. I took it anyway, though, and it was 127, which just seems WAY high, at least for what it has been. So, I really don't know!! :P This morning it was 91 and I haven't taken it since. I will be very curious to see if there is a pattern to this or if it really is hypoglycemia. It would really make me happy in a strange way to know that my feeling loopy and not able to concentrate actually had a medical reason, instead of just my own incompetence or "mommy brain." We shall see.

Right now I should be cleaning my house and cooking since Nate's family is coming over for his mom's birthday party tonight. I still need to wrap presents and put decorations up, not to mention scrub the bathroom, clean the kitchen, sweep all the floors, make a cake, take a shower and get ready. Hmmm, maybe I should get off the internet????

Heart, and Lungs and Doctors..OH MY!!

I suppose I should update here, as I have actually some information to relate and not just inane babbling like I usually do. I don't know why whenever I actually do have news to record, I get so busy with it all I don't update here, but when I have nothing to say, I post. Anyway....



My treadmilling had been going great, my asthma was totally under control, I was getting in shape and feeling great. Then, I started getting wheezier (is that a word?) and a couple times had some stabbing chest pain when I ran too fast without warming up adequately on the treadmill. I also had some general health questions for Dr. Boddy, concerning allergies, St. John's Wort, natural sleeping agents, kidney function and of course my lungs and chest pain.

I went to see Dr. Boddy and he said he thought my kidneys were fine, that my theory about having so much protein during my four pregnancies in five years really wouldn't have adversely affected my kidneys, and that the last time he tested, my kidney function was excellent. He said St. John's Wort was really unpredictable because the time of year it was grown and harvested, the exact part of the plant harvested and the manner of production all affected the potency of the product so much that there was great variation in it, even bottle to bottle from the same company. He said it wouldn't hurt me, but he wouldn't waste my money on it. He was surprised that melotonin makes me sleepy after 20 minutes but then I wake up after sleeping 30, but said I could certainly continue to take it if I wanted to, it wouldn't interact with my other medications.

I asked him if the chest x-ray I had had in the fall when my asthma first started acting up had anything on it that would explain the chest pain or heart stuff and told him that a dr. in the past had told me that my heart was not in the right place in my chest, which was why I had chest pain sometimes. Dr. Boddy said he had forgotten about the pectus excavatum (http://www.pectusdeformity.com/) that I have and that it could be affecting my heart and lung function. Then he asked me if I had ever considered surgery to correct it, that he had two patients in the past that had greatly benefited from it. I had *never* been told by any dr. that there was a surgery to correct this, and now I wish I had had it done years and years ago. My mother said she had never heard from any dr. during my childhood that it could be corrected either. About my heart, he said he really didn't like the chest pain story and wanted to check that out. So, they did an EKG, which showed five abnormalities, including a prolonged qt, which concerned him.

They also did a blood test to check my kidney function and a bunch of other things. Dr. Boddy told me to go back to the full dosage of the Advair 500 twice a day, from the once a day I had been able to go to when I cut out dairy. He referred me to a cardiologist. I made an appt. with the cardiologist for Friday. I wanted to take the readings from the chest x-ray in the fall with me to the cardiologist, so I stopped by Dr. Boddy's. Cara, the nurse said they had the results from my blood test back and that my blood sugar was supposed to be between 65-99, but was 44, which I guess is pretty low. She asked if I felt shaky or dizzy or had been fasting. I said no to all. I had eaten breakfast a few hours previous and felt the same as I always do. So, I had to make another appt. with Dr. Bod to discuss that.

I went to the cardiologist and he asked me a bunch of questions and listened to my heart for a long time. I asked him about the pectus surgery but he said he would think long and hard before jumping into thoracic surgery. He said that it might affect my lung function, but he didn't think it was affecting my heart. He said that all our questions would be answered by an echocardiogram and a treadmill stress test. I did the echo right then, which was extremely uncomfortable. The treadmill guy wasn't there, so I scheduled that to be this week, the same day as the appt. with Dr. Boddy. Dr. Lourie, the cardiologist, didn't actually tell me much, just said that the tests would answer our ?'s. I suppose I will be discussing the results of them Thursday after my stress test. He was very warm and seemed to really listen well.

Friday night I came home after all that and decided to do some internet searching for prolonged qt and low blood sugar and all of that. What I found totally freaked me out. Here is a link talking about prolonged qt: http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/prolonged_qt_syndrome.jsp It says basically that there can be too long a space between the beats of the heart, which can cause fainting, cardiac arrest and sudden death. This, needless to say, was what totally freaked me out. One site listed things that set off a prolonged qt episode as: strenuous exercise, emotional excitement, anger, being startled by loud noises such as alarm clocks, or sometimes it can happen while sleeping. This did not do much for my sense of security and to be honest, left me in tears and consumed by anxiety and confusion, at least that night.

The next day I got brave enough to keep researching, and along the way looked up my low blood sugar reading, which seemed to indicate hypoglycemia, possibly, or diabetes?? I have a lot more questions about that, which I will discuss with Dr. Bod Thurs. I researched if any medication I am taking could be affecting my heart function, and I found a resounding "YES!" See here: http://www.healthsquare.com/drugs/105074_2.htm and here: http://doublecheckmd.com/EffectsDetail.do;jsessionid=DEA45ABF8B759EC3A1588E9D184FD568?dname=salmeterol&sid=13389&eid=1692 and here: http://members.kaiserpermanente.org/kpweb/drugency/drugdetails.do?drugID=255421&name=Advair+Diskus+500+mcg-50+mcg%2FDose+for+Inhalation&index=true (Scroll down to Precautions)

So, perhaps I already had a physical predisposition for this and the medication has made it flare up. Now I am very anxious to find something else I can take for my asthma that will not affect my heart. I am interested in this on apple cider vinegar: http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/asthma.html and oil pulling, which seems to be a general health thing, not specifically for asthma, but will help it as well: http://www.oilpulling.com/ This sounds really weird, but I am willing to give it a try.

So, right now I am just trying to avoid the things that could make my heart stop. Unfortunately, the only one I have complete control over is the exercise, which is the only one I really want to be doing. :( Looking back now on my medical history, it seems I have had trouble with this prolonged qt before. I had to go home from college one semester because I was fainting, and having terrible chest pain. I should mention that previous to this, I had relapsed into my old bulimic habits. I was also taking Serevent and Flovent, steroid inhalers which can do the same thing as the Advair I am on now. My aunt took me to a health food store where a woman did "muscle testing" on me and said I had a severe potassium deficiency, along with some other minerals. My aunt and uncle bought me all the expensive supplements the lady recommended and I started feeling better almost immediately when I started taking them. Now, I have not been bulimic since then, but I do always sweat a lot, and since I have been running about 10 miles a week for about 2 months now, (and sweating like crazy the whole time) maybe I have been depleting my electrolytes faster than I can replace them, and that is exacerbating this. Maybe I need to start taking a potassium supplement. I have already started a magnesium supplement, as I read that could help my asthma.

So, in a really big nutshell (haha) that is what is going on with me. After my appt. on Thursday, I will update. If you actually took the three hours to read all this, you are a better friend than I deserve and I thank you! :)

Is it Spring yet?? My open window says so. It feels perfect to me right now, warm and breezy and lovely. We've been out playing soccer and throwing around a football (teaching children to throw a good spiral is a challenge, let me tell you!) and George has learned to ride his bike without training wheels in the last two days. Nate took off his training wheels last June and George hasn't wanted to get on it since then, but the warmer weather and my coaxing have made him brave the worrisome "new-ness" of it. He's done so well, I'm very proud of him. He took three good tumbles yesterday, but got right back up and wanted to keep practicing. I showed him the scars on my knees and legs from some bike accidents when I was a kid, which I think made him a little less worried. Considering the fact that he hates new things and pain, he has done great!!!

I just ordered the kids vitamins finally, and need to do my Melaleuca order soon, although I don't hardly need anything. Ian did a bunch of reading to me today from "The Big Yellow Book", he's doing really well. I think his lack of short term memory makes me think his entire memory is lacking sometimes, and it always surprises me when he picks right back up something we haven't done in a long time. Grace traced numbers and letters and matched rhyming words and George did his reading and reading workbook. We are really pitifully behind where we need to be, but I have started making reading together more of a priority and slacked off a bit on the worksheets. At this point, I can probably get away with us focusing more on together time than on scholastic over achievement. George and I are reading Swiss Family Robinson together. At about chapter 3, I had the happy realization that "Who needs a vocabulary curriculum when you are reading things like this??" In the last few days, George has learned the meaning of words such as tempest, prospect, sustained, resigned, tranquil, contrive, impending, recollect, exhort, embarkation, glutinous, and renounce, just to name a few. :)

Nathan is plunging headlong into busy season, and his canker sores have arrived, just on time, as they always do when he is stressed out and eating and sleeping badly. A happy note, though, the website he has been working on for about a year and a half is finally up (www.brownspools.com) and Matt could not stop raving about how wonderful it was, which was, of course, GREAT for Nathan to hear. It's always wonderful for me to hear that his hard work is being appreciated.

I can't think of anything clever to close with, but I have to run to Food Depot as soon as the Claire Bear wakes up, we are in desperate need of paper products and produce (hmm, that sounds like a Dr. Seuss book...) and I didn't have my act together enough this morning to go. I guess that's one good thing about Nate's work schedule this time of year, I can go run errands in the late afternoon if I want to. Bye for now!!!!

I know I haven't been here much lately. I've been doing a lot more on my health blog, since it's just easier to record facts than it is to think about what I'm thinking about in a coherant manner. And, I'm still not up to it yet, so here is the link to my other blog:
http://agapec.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/49/ if you want to see a little of what's been going on with me. If you read this, know I am praying for you and have a blessed day!!

I've been putting more on my health blog lately than here, but just thought I should record some things since I haven't in so long. How about bullets? Then I don't have to come up with coherant paragraphs....

• I have given up on the family newsletter for now. I got it all written, formatted, pictures inserted and everything, but after trying to print it about 15x on 4 different printers (which wouldn't work for a variety of reasons) I have given up. A few people got a rough draft before my printer totally quit, but the rest will have to wait til I have new patience or the stars align or something.
• I am fighting tendancies of withdrawal, from my kids and more just from the general public. I hated, do hate, this in my father and I don't want to give in to it, but some days it is a real struggle.
• I am back using my treadmill regularly, for which I am so incredibly thankful. I am not planning for the future, just thankful for the time God has given me today for this wonderful stress reliever. I love feeling my muscles start to awaken and just the feeling inside~the pure exultation of feeling fully "worked out" it is such balm to my soul
• Nathan is leaving Thursday morning for a 4 day camping trip to the Okefenokee swamp. He's excited and I am excited for him, although we are both struggling with missing each other.
• I am so excited for my mom to come visit in April. We are going to have a birthday party for her, I am going to take her to Agatha Christie's dinner theatre in Atlanta, we will play outside and just have so much fun!! I am so thrilled for her to come.
• Claire is doing great peeing in the potty, but has started going #2 in her panties all the time now! @#$%%^&*&^%$#@! (insert appropriate language here)
• We are all finally (Praise the Lord) healthy, except for a rattly cough for me and a dry cough for Ian. Fever free for days now though. I'm so glad. It seemed we were battling that for weeks.
• It is late and I need to get my munchkins into bed. I will end with this quote from Grace heard a few minutes ago..."Daddy, let's play family! You be the Daddy with no hair and I'll be the Mama talking on the phone." :)

It's Wednesday. A quiet time right now. I am sipping my coffee and thinking I should probably eat some lunch, but I'm just not hungry. The kids have been battling this runny nose/congestion/cough for almost 2 weeks now between them all, and I am hoping we can have everyone healthy soon. Grace is still runny nosed and her cough seems to be getting worse but she's been fever free for a day and a half now and I can tell she feels much better. Claire, who started it all, was fine for days and now seems like she's getting the cough. Ian started two days ago with the runny nose and coughing, and although his physical symptoms aren't as bad, he has been way out of touch emotionally and mentally. He did better today, though, than he did yestarday. And Mr. Germ Conscious George hasn't gotten any of it yet. Maybe there's a good reason for him not liking kisses. I felt pretty yucky last week, but am feeling fine now, just waiting for my impending period to come. Nate has the head congestion and stuffy nose, but of course won't admit to feeling anything less than fine unless he's actually incapable of being upright. So, that's where we snotty Buchans are now....waiting out the bugs. It's frustrating in a way, but in some ways, it's nice for an excuse to snuggle and just read books longer than usual, and have kids less full of frenetic energy and just wanting more hugs and "mama medicine." It's draining, but nice to know I'm needed, I suppose.

We have done so many puzzles and played so many games the last few days, it's been great. Claire is so cute "playing" Yahtzee....she shakes the dice cup very seriously, slooooowly pours out the dice and says "A did it...a self!" (I did it all by myself) Then counts her dice "one, twoooo, four, pibe, seben, twooooo" and puts them in a row and says "A won!" it's adorable. I should probably video her. George and I played Carcassonne yesterday and Nate and I played it last night. I much prefer playing with George, he's not nearly as cutthroat. :P Ross got the game for Christmas and left it here. I was going to send it in a package for him, but we just might hold onto it for him. :)

My mom emailed me and said that my father is sending FTD roses to all his granddaughters for Valentine's Day! My girls are going to be over the moon excited about this. He sent me roses one year on Valentine's Day when I was in college. The same year that two other guys sent me roses...neither of which I was dating. It was really bizarro, but my roommates loved it. We hung the roses and dried them. Our room smelled heavenly for weeks. Our church is having a Valentines' dinner and movie this year. My mil said she'd watch our kids for us and even put them to bed. That was really nice. Last year we drove up to Gainesville to go to the Valentine's banquet at Karen and Chad's church. That was fun, but a long drive.

I started my health blog to relegate my diet/exercise issues to there, but I am going to babble on about it here, too. I was so motivated a few weeks ago, and was walking on my treadmill again, and eating well. Now I haven't exercised at all in over a week and just feel completely unmotivated. I just feel stagnant. I do really, really want to fit into my wedding dress again by the end of August, and if I would just get off my butt, this will be an attainable goal. I don't know if I feel defeated already, like "I can't do it so why try", or just am being lazy and discouraged, but my mindset is far from where it needs to be for me to be making any strides in improving my health. I was really hoping by now that I would be able to get off the Advair for my asthma, but after slowly trying to lower my dosage, I realized that I do, in fact, really need it. I think that just makes me feel weak, which is not how I need to be thinking of myself when I am needing resolve and determination to stick to an exercise schedule. I think I felt like kind of a failure, like if I just worked hard enough, was careful enough with my diet, that I wouldn' t need to be on medication. I do realize that's not very logical, but I have to remind myself of that. I guess I should just be thankful that I was able to go so many years off of asthma meds. I think it must have been a hormonal thing, because before I was pregnant I was on a lot of meds, but once I got pregnant, then was nursing and both for all those years, I hardly even used my inhaler. I was so thankful- I remember worrying that my asthma would get worse while I was pregnant and harming a baby by the meds I was on, but I never needed them. Then a few months after I stopped nursing, back it all came. It must have been hormones that kept it at bay. Well, be content with such things as you have, right?? I think I need to just start acting like I do have all the motivation I need and not wait for my resolve to catch up with what I know I should be doing. Fake it til you make it!! If you read this, maybe you could remember to pray for me that I would make wise choices and do what I should in improving my health. I know we all need help here.

Friday Felicities

It occured to me last night that it had been a very long time since I had blogged and also that tommorow was Friday, so it was terribly appropriate to start up again with that. :)

• We had an absolutely wonderful Christmas time with Nate's family. I feel such a part (and an integral part) of the family, it is just overwhelmingly wonderful to me.
• I am potty training Claire and am on day 2 of no accidents...so far!! Praise the Lord
• I have four healthy happy children
• Nate went almost straight from Christmas break to back to work and almost totally mentally absent...absorbed with "the business" but I am so very thankful that Lord willing, this is the last season of that.
• I have some very specific health goals for this year and I am totally motivated to pursuing their end......I would like to be off one asthma medication as soon as possible, and I would like to fit into my wedding dress for my 10th anniversary in August
• I am still incredibly thrilled and in love with the wonderful Christmas present my husband made for me....a nativity scene, out of wood from our old shed and branches he gathered with the kids, and put the Willow Tree nativity set into it. It was so beautiful and perfect, exactly what I've been wishing for for so many years and been searching in vain for.
• It is cold today...and I am giggling at their actually cancelling school in Carrollton because of the COLD! Not snow, not ice, cold. Meanwhile, in Bemidji, where it is about 40 degrees colder, life goes on as usual.
• Speaking of Bemidji, one of the biggest things I am thankful for right now is for Mandi, my dear sister-in-law. You have some choice in who your in-laws will be, but who they will marry is entirely out of your hands. And yet, I couldn't imagine a better, sweeter sister than her. It's like we've been friends forever and I love her so much.
• I am sipping coffee with eggnog creamer from my silver travel mug right now....lovely
• I am terrified but honored to have been asked to share a brief testimony at our next church ladies meeting. I am really beseeching Heaven on what exactly I should say and really don't know right now, but hoping God will give me some words to bless and edify.

And I would like to post pictures of my lovely nativity scene, but haven't gotten there yet...check my header soon! Love to all and Happy New Year!!

Friday...

It's the day after Thansgiving. I should be doing my Friday Felicities..and probably will later. I have much to be thankful for. I was actually considering going shopping with the kids today, but my van won't start again. I do need to go out later and get my Rx filled, I took the last one last night. And really, after looking at all the Black Friday big sale flyers, the only thing that I really want to go out and buy is the 12 big roll pack of Charmin Ultra at Rite Aid for $5.49. So that's probably what I'll do tonight when Nate gets home. We went to Karen's for a Thansgiving supper yesterday. Nate was home and let me sleep in and made a big breakfast for us all, then did something I've been wanting him to for about 2 years- switched the stoves from here and Whitesburg. So, I'm very happy about that, and looking forward to using an oven that works consistently and is nicer and all.

I had a good talk with a good friend the other day, then a good talk about that talk with my good man that night. I am always afraid to share with him what is really going on in my heart, I guess I think in the back of my mind that if he really knew "the real me" he would leave, or take my kids away, or something. But, he never does, and I am so thankful for that. Indeed, the few times I have actually shared it all, what he does is listen, and then ask what he can do to help. That still amazes me. And does such an amazing job of reflecting the love of God.

I'm here

I am here. And I am well. Well, my body is getting well-er all the time, Praise the Lord. My asthma is so, so, much better, I am so incredibly thankful. I am down to half the dose of Advair, and am hoping to completely get off it soon. I just came from the chiropractor today, so my back and neck are great, just sore, but the knots in my muscles and the numb and tingly feelings in my hands are gone. There are some wonderfully positive things going on in my relationship with the Lord, and with my husband, which are just amazing and I am very thankful for the Lord's hand and provision there. I am kind of having a hard time keeping up with it all, to be honest. I am very in awe of the Lord's strength and guidance in opening my eyes about some things and gently humbling me, and His patience with me as I try to accept and move forward in this new light. There are things about myself and my relationships that I thought weren't able to be changed, but they are. And I have changed them. I feel like I am living each moment from a new perspective, and it is beautiful, but it is hard. On one hand, I feel a great sadness for the loss of the years I lived without facing these things and dealing with them, and on the other hand, I feel a bit of trepidation about the future. I knew how to live with my old self and I just don't know all of the ramifications of these changes in my heart and mind, and how exactly the Lord wants me to proceed in light of them. I feel a bit lost and emotional. It seems some days as if my mind is being renewed and openly accepting all the Lord lays in my path, and other days it's as if I can't even get through the fog wrapping around my thoughts to see where my path lays. I just feel laid bare at the foot of the cross. And through my tears, I am joyful to be here.

If only....

Wow. I haven't kept up with blog reading much in the last few months. One blog that I used to really enjoy was Molly's. Rather, I enjoyed the blogger, not the blog, as I loved her writing from several different blog venues. Tonight, Nathan fell asleep in front of the fire on the couch, so I got online and not having any pressing research or correspondance (or, let's be honest, facebooking) to do, I opened up my bookmarked stash of favorite blogs. After reading a few, I ran into Molly's again at www.adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com and read her few recent posts and then went delving into back posts of hers. Her writing is ALWAYS interesting, not because of its wit, although there is plenty, but because of her truth. She has come down many paths and explored them Biblically and shared her heart about them. I am almost always convicted, or encouraged, usually both, and without fail, I am directed back to the Lord. She makes you think.

Well, so I was reading on punishment vs. discipline in her "Parenting with gentleness" series. I do spank, let me say that upfront, although I try to have it be my last resort instead of my first. This particular article was on spanking and how the popular Christian culture has made it almost a requisite to Biblical parenting. Looking strictly at Scripture, though, without the constraints of our culture, experiences, and prejudices coloring our vision, it really is kind of hard to extrapolate that "He who spares the rod spoils his son" means that you should hit your child with a stick or whatever on their butt X number of times if you want them to turn out well. I had heard before the context being that of a shepherd, using his rod, or staff to guide the sheep (think Psalm 23) but this article took the thought even further. What if... we have been so caught up in trying to seem righteous to each other in our conservative little folds (thinking that this means we are righteous before God) that we have perpetuated a false teaching and have harmed our children in the process? Let me back up and say that I do not presume to speak for anyone else, but I know for myself there have been many times when I have spanked a child and not felt right about it in my heart, yet "comforted" myself with the thought that I was just doing what was Biblical. But what if I wasn't? What if that's NOT what God meant? What if a higher level of involvement with my child and getting to the heart of the issue would have forestalled any further acting out of the behavior I was correcting with the spank? Isn't that my goal in spanking? To keep them from repeating a behavior that is harmful or wrong? And if I can accomplish that with love and encouragement instead of harsh physical pain, shouldn't I? Yes. I mean, how does God parent us? Yes, we have to suffer the natural consequences of our choices, but do we suffer physical pain when we disobey or even the "adult" version of that - mental or emotional pain or physical deprivation some kind? *I don't want to get ahead of myself here, and I really am trying to just search this out for myself and find what exactly God IS saying, please don't think I am trying to purvey any truth, I am looking for it myself* What I do know is that the Bible clearly says that the wicked will sometimes, perhaps often, prosper, and the righteous will sometimes not even have a place to lay their heads. But I know the same camp (that I grew up in) that touts spanking often equates God's blessing with physical and emotional comfort. So if you are going through a hard time, financially, mentally, whatever, that *may* (and in their minds usually *must*) mean you have sinned and God is punishing you. Is this really Biblical? Nope, read Job.

So does that mean spanking is unBiblical?? I don't know yet. What I know right now is that my having subscribed to this veiwpoint and all of its trappings robbed me of closeness with my children that I might have had. My desire for my oldest child to be "well behaved" probably has contributed to his anxiety today. And I can never take back all of the times I corrected him, too harshly, thinking I was helping him, instead of getting on his level and trying to see through his eyes. I am sitting here in tears thinking of the times I felt pride in his good behaviour, and too severely censured him for deviating from that in any way, thinking it must be a reflection of my good parenting that he was doing so well, and then chastising him for acting like the child he so rarely was. Oh Lord, forgive me.

This and that..

Wow, holy whining, Batman!! Of course I am referring to my last post, over which I rolled my eyes and almost threw up out of sheer disgust at the pitiful self-centeredness and just plain Eeyore-ism, for crying out loud!!! For those of you who actually read my little blog, may I just offer an apology?? Not that that's the only or worst time I have been all "poor little me" on my blog, and sadly, it probably won't be the last time, but man, it's just.....blech to be confronted by my own patheticness. *Note to self: do not blog when feeling hormotional*

On an entirely different note, we went to Virginia, had a whirlwind time with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephews. It was great, we did a lot together and everyone had a good time, I think. Now we are back and I am trying to get all my ducks in a row with school and getting ready for holidays and trying to get my health back on track. I have started a seperate blog for my health and diet stuff over at wordpress, if you want to check it out, it's at agapec.wordpress.com. I am trying some diet things to see if I can get my asthma and possibly my weight under control. My main thing is the asthma, as it is not under control, despite the $450 of medication I am on every month now. But, as I said, I'm not going to blab about it here, it's been relegated to wordpress.

The kids are doing great in school, Ian is doing better than I thought he would, and Grace's determination is putting her leaps and bounds ahead of where her ability alone might in a different child. Ian's comprehension of things is ahead of where I thought it would be, he is doing simple addition and his writing skills have already improved and I think they are even beyond what George's were when he was as the same place in learning as Ian. Of course, his memory is still an issue, but the more times we go over things, the quicker he gets it again the next day. George is doing well, although we are a bit stalled out on penmanship, he's getting so stressed out learning slant as an introduction to cursive, I am considering just going straight to cursive, but haven't decided yet. I love, love, love the Miquon math, and only wish I had gotten it sooner. My biggest glitch right now is that my copier/scanner/printer has kicked the bucket so I can no longer copy worksheets for the kids. I need to get that back working or replaced or something so we don't fall behind.

We have our court date for getting Claire's birth certificate this Thursday, it will be great to have that finally taken care of, and then we can file an amendment to our taxes and claim her. Then Friday is the men's retreat, so Nate will be gone Friday and Saturday, although he said last night he doesn't really feel like going. I'm not sure if he will or not, although truth be told, I wouldn't mind having a night all to myself, I might even rent some chick flicks, then probably sleep with Grace in her bed, she'd really like that.

Vacation

We are leaving tomorrow for our family vacation in VA. I am trying to be excited, although I have a TON to do between now and then, and it rained yesterday and my asthma gets exponentially worse with higher humidity so I didn't get much done. I have a full pot of coffee brewed now, though and my lists made and the suitcases out and only 2 more loads of laundry left to do. I think narrowing things down will be my biggest problem, and of course fitting everything in. We should be okay, though, since we are bringing (I think) less than we brought to Maine in August and had extra room then. It will be good to be with everyone, although crazy and hectic I am sure. We are tie-dying t-shirts on Monday, having an all day Star Wars Birthday Bash on Wednesday, kind of an all inclusive birthday celebration for all the cousins who don't get to be together on their birthdays. Friday we are going to Busch Gardens, and probably one of two days we will be in Colonial Williamsburg, and possibly the aquarium. And there's a big playground nearby, and indoor heated pools at the resort, and it will be a very fun time. :P I am just praying I feel better enough to keep up with it all. It will be nice to have Nate around for the whole week, although I don't think he's as looking forward to it as I am.

Nate and I have so much to talk about and I am starting to wonder if maybe someone more equipped should actually be facilitating the talking. I am wondering if counseling might be good for us. But, I don't think Nate would agree to it, even if it was free, which I know it will not be. And the money in our HSA account is going to be soon eaten up by the new meds I am taking, to the tune of $450 per month. I'm not sure what we'll do when the money runs out, hopefully I can be off one of the meds by then. I just keep reminding myself that God is in control and trying to find what He is trying to teach me in all of this. I keep thinking this must be a season, but who's to say this won't be where I am at all the rest of my life? I thought being pregnant and nursing for 7 years was hard, but now that I am all done that, all these old health problems are returning. So, is it a choice between the bone numbing exhaustion, sciatica, raw bloody nipples, restless leg syndrome and terrible aches of pregnancy and nursing, OR the endometriosis, chemical imbalances and asthma of not being pregnant? I know there are things with my diet that could be made better, but some days even remembering to eat anything is a struggle. I need to keep reminding myself that my outlook is greatly affected by my stress level and sleep account and probably right now is not the best time to be taking stock of my life. What do I need right now? I know....Micah 6:8 "But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God." And I need to pack...so "Sayonara".

Pencil shavings and other blessings....

I used to be such a pen connoisseur. Pencils, too. I was super picky about the feel, the look, the material, and of course, the way they flowed across the page. Ticonderoga, being the gold standard in graphite writing utensil, just holding one in my hand, as yet unsharpened, was enough to give a tiny thrill to my young soul. The eager flow of ink, black and lustrous across a starched blank spiral bound canvas was a tiny phenomenon, repeated often, that gave a quiet fulfillment to a craving inside me. Not that plain ballpoint was such a disappointment, it just always seemed such a luxurious accommodation in the mundane litany of writing required of me, to have a pen in my hand that seemed to snuggle in comfortably, then in an attitude of noble servility bow to the page and turn my history of civ. notes into a transcendantly superfluous calligraphic endeavor. Bliss.

Finding joy, finding something that does indeed "thrill my soul" in the tiny little, most would say inconsequential, accoutrements of the thrifty life, has always been an unspoken goal of mine. I don't know if it is my humble upbringing or just a quirk of personality, but I have always been just a little uncomfortable surrounded by "extravagance", especially if it was for me. And all of my quilly expounding being in the past tense tells you that my life has passed on from finding little pockets of hidden fulfillment in the exceedingly simple, to now feeling as if my extravagances are crowding in on every side. It seems rather a betrayal the mindset of the hidden blessing to have so many blessings so flagrantly surrounding me.

For example, I am sitting in a room filled with books; children's books, board books, coloring books, school books, theology books, phone books, history books, dictionaries, science texts, atlases and novels. As I said- flagrantly surrounded. And on the subject on writing utensils, with a flick of my baby blues, I can see scads, myriads of colored pencils, crayons, markers, pens of every kind (mostly bearing the Brown's Pools logo), and also- the crowning achievement of my productivity today ~ a blue pencil case of freshly sharpened pencils. Which reminds me of another thing that used to make me smile irrationally. Pencil Shavings (see above). I have always loved the delicate, swirling tracery of wood and paint, curling down and around, uncovering the beautiful potential in a pencil. It seems such a shame to just throw away something so symmetrically formed.


Now "What...", I know you're thinking, "...do pens and pencils and books have to do with being flagrantly surrounded by blessings???" Well, it's what all of those things represent that overwhelm me with the truth of my cup being filled to overflowing. Being surrounded by books and markers and such means I am in a room, in a safe, spacious house, filled with happy, healthy, inquisitive children, and a husband whom God has provided with a job that pays for all the books and house and food to feed the children. Beside the room, attached to the house, is a garage in which sits a van with gas in the tank, and if you stand by the garage and look a little farther away you can see the house of family, which means my happy, inquisitive children can get out now and then, and they are growing up with their grandparents next door. All around me are the clear evidences of the abundance in my life.

So, I think sometimes I forget to look at the little things that use to give me joy because I have so many big things. Am I becoming inured to the little blessings? Am I becoming ungrateful? There are times when I am reminded of the little things that used to give me as much joy as the big things I have now- like looking at the pencil shavings, and I realize that most of the time I am no longer a person who even notices the little things. Is it growth, or degradation? I am inclined to think the later and this makes me wonder what I need to do to get back to an awareness of ALL the blessings in my life, big and small.

Epistalary Item to Spousal Counterpart

Good Morning, Mr. Retail and Marketing Manager,

I am the Educational, Domestic Engineering, Comestible and Fiscal Implementation Director of our facility. I am writing to you regarding your inquiry concerning the automobile component you requested from the third party source we shall refer to as "Ebay." As you will see upon your perusal of the attached document below, said party has responded negatively to your offer of acquisition of the component at the reduced estimation and has counteroffered with a precipitous alternative enumeration. Speaking in my capacity as Fiscal Implementation Director, my exhortation to you is for continued temperate equanimity in your scrutinizing quest for the requisite item. Of course, I defer to your superior negotiatory skills and purchasing expertise.

I must terminate this missive now, and return to my duties as infant pursuer, expurgator and habilitator so that I may commence my responsibilities as juvenile tutelary administrator. I hope to have the pleasure of seeing a rejoinder from your esteemed personage at a later time.

Cordially yours,
Charity F. Buchan, D.Fi, C.Ef, E.Ml, CL.E

(Director of Fiscal Implementation, Chairman of Educational Facilitation, Executor of Mt. Laundrytobedone, and Coffee Lover Extraodinaire)

Friday

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1. Brewed Starbucks coffee in a bright blue travel mug sitting to my right
2. George sitting behind me finishing his reading workbook
3. Grace and Ian both writing *perfect* e's this morning and now doing a puzzle together- without fighting!!!
4. Claire looking at books quietly on the floor in her Pooh bear overalls and pink ponytail
5. I can breathe a little better this morning...Praise the Lord...go read the last verse in the Psalms, it was written for me. ;)
6. Long sleeved, relax green, Duckhead hoodie I am wearing, it makes me comfy happy.
7. Pictures of Maine on my desktop....*sigh*
8. Christmas shopping!!!! I am almost done :)
9. Looking forward to going out with a friend for her birthday soon.
10. My hot tub...I am so going to soak myself silly tonight.
11. Snuggling with my hubby on the couch last night, it's been a long time since we did that.
12. George doing his own Friday Felicities on the white board right now. :)

This and that...

So, how's it going in blogworld?? I really don't know, as I hardly ever have the time to read them anymore. :( There are really cool and smart and sweet and special people whose blogs I have learned and laughed so much from that I just have fallen away from reading. And I would like to get back to them....one of these days.

In the meantime, here's what has been going on here:

• Very positive things going on in Nate's home/work ratio, Praise the Lord!!
• We started homeschool on Monday, and it's going great!! Ian is doing better than I thought he would, Grace is a little behind what I thought she was in her writing ability but TOTALLY makes up for it in enthusiasm. George is doing great and loves all his second grade work. Claire is climbing into everything and trying to sit in everyone's laps while they work, but for the most part, I am handling it all okay.
• I had a fantabulous day off with a wonderful dear, dear friend. We went to Starbucks, twice (thankyou for the gift card, secret pal!!) We went to the thrift store and tried on clothes and modeled for each other, we both found some great fitting jeans!!!!!! (seriously, this right here deserves it's own miracle status) We ate, we laughed, we talked, I got a haircut, we bought totally outrageous and impractical, yet totally cute girlie shoes, it was sooo balm to my soul.
• We have the ball rolling on getting Claire's court ordered birth certificate and hopefully, Lord willing, will have her s.s. card in time to claim her on our taxes, which we delayed filing until October.
• I finally used my picture printer and it works great!! I am so thankful for it.
• I am having all sorts of trouble with my asthma, but hopefully the new meds I got will start working consistently here..sometime??
• Until my lungs are working well, I am just casting longing glances at my treadmill and wondering what on earth God's purpose was for letting me love it and use it for a month and now not being able to walk to the mailbox without getting winded, let alone run for a half hour. *Sigh*
• The older three are all in Awana now and doing well. I am working in the nursery, which is so calming and relaxing for me.
• Our church now has, through the amazing grace and hand of God, all the money needed and has started construction on our new addition/building project, debt-free! Yay!!
• It is starting to get cooler outside. I love it, I love it, I love it!! I think I enjoy fall more every year. That briskness in the air, which is only a hint now, just so energizes me and makes me *see* everything so much brighter. I love it. Long sleeved shirts, warm cups of coffee, fires in the evening, open windows, snuggling with fleecy blankets on the loveseat, walking outside in the wind and the leaves.....bring it on!!
  
  

Thankyou!!!

To everyone who was so incredibly generous with their well wishes and calls and cards and love on my birthday, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. I am so very humbled by all the people who took the time to remember me, and please don't think that my angst with myself over being older in any way reflects on my level of thankfulness for all of the wonderful, sweet people in my life. Truly, I do not deserve such friends. You are all a treasure to me. :)