This always happens. I have pages and pages of things I write in my head, just aching to blog them at the time I am thinking them, imagining how it will clarify my thought process and be wonderful to get it all down. Then, on the rare occasion that I actually have time to sit down and type at the computer, all of these seemingly pertinent thoughts have flitted away like so many elusive butterflies in the spring time. Maybe it's that there is just so much, all the time, swirling and thrashing around in my head, that when I have to actually pick a single topic to concentrate on, it's kind of hard. I guess I should write something, though, after all, I am here, now.

Yes, I am here, sitting in my rocker, next to the sleeping cat on my messy bed. The window is beside me, and outside the window is a thin dogwood. It seems almost bent down with the weight of the big blossoms on it. They seem way out of proportion to the spindly branches holding them up to the sun. But, it's nice to look at. There's also (while we are on our tour of "Charity's view") the stump of a tree that a little yellow and black bird has been diligently trying for 3 days now to peck a hole into, I'm assuming a hole big enough for him to live in. These Georgia pines do grow so tall and thin. Being from "The Pine Tree State", I do consider myself if not an expert, then at least an expert appreciator of the pine tree. Pine trees in Maine grow tall, but they are ever so much fuller and fatter than the ones here.

Okay, I'm bored reading what I've written, what hope do I have that the unsuspecting random reader here has even made it this far without falling asleep and drooling all over their keyboards??? *Please note that the author of this blog is not legally responsible for damage to keyboards caused by drooling readers* Hey, maybe that could be my new home business! Not drool on keyboards I mean, but I could set up a website where I write whatever mind dulling drivel I think of for the purpose of putting my readers to sleep. Insomniacs everywhere will be blessing my name. ;P

And now for something completely different...

It is April, we are just on the cusp of pool season. Of course, I know this every year, I feel more prepared every year. Usually I have a bit of a freak out those first few late nights, the first 6 work day week, but then I mentally get in the groove and get into gear for it, and it's fine. But this year, I have older children who actually notice that their Daddy is suddenly not able to be around, and they don't understand why. Well, George understands why, although he may be having the hardest time with it, at least he gets it. Ian and Grace are not old enough to understand, they just want him here. And I think it seems harder this year as well because of the way that God has orchestrated circumstances and Nate's heart since last year, and he more than ever wishes he could be home. I think I am actually the one in the family that will have the easiest time of it this year, besides darling Claire, who is still blissfully clueless that anything is different than it was a month ago. Still, we shall persevere, and I know it is my responsibility to be the glue that holds us all together, and I know that with Christ making His strength perfect, complete, in my weakness, that I can do it.

On another topic entirely, I am so discouraged about my lack of weight loss. I have never been so heavy this long after having a baby, not even when I was 3 or 4 months pregnant again. It's not that I have a TON of weight to lose, either, it's just that it won't budge. Not that I am killing myself exercising to get rid of it, though. I think that's half the discouragement right there, I feel like I am unable to get to the exercise that I know would kick these last 15-20 lbs. I have tried several times to do an exercise video in the afternoon, but with the boys only sleeping every other day, and even then it seems like someone is up every 15 minutes, it only gets more and more frustrating trying to get into doing a 30 minute video. I have looked into getting a treadmill, but then I think I would only run into the same problem. I know there are moms with little kids who actually find time to exercise, but I don't know where they find the energy, or the uninterrupted time. I have started to consider actually looking into getting a real gym membership, but I really don't know if the time and money for that is a reasonable expectation. But, I will be having my 2nd 29th birthday this year, it's kind of big one, and I have thought about getting together a "sales presentation" for Nate on why a gym membership would be good. Of course, there's always child care, but I think some gyms have child care there, although there would have to be a pretty high set of standards met for me to feel comfortable with leaving my kids. I know I have friends out there who would gnaw their own feet off before putting their children in a situation like that, but I have yet to be convinced either way. I know it is a long shot, but I am going to check it out anyway. Who knows??

And now I have officially wiled away the time when I should have been doing laundry, but on the upside, I feel a bit less stressed than I did a while ago. And tomorrow holds promise of a picnic at the park (oh boy, what on earth am I going to bring for food...) and also friends coming over to play games, so that will be fun. I am way late on mailing my mom's birthday present, because I had this idea in my head and couldn't find exactly what I was looking for, so I don't know exactly what to do now......okay I'm done babbling, you may return to your regularly scheduled surfing.