Balance??

I'm not sure why my urge to blog has been so scarce lately. Perhaps it's just a symptom of where we are at right now. I don't feel like I have much time for anything extra, beyond school and all it entails and keeping up with the house. If it weren't for church and Awana, I don't think I would hardly ever leave my house. I'm certainly not complaining, I like it that way in some ways. I think God is just really refocusing my attentions on getting my schedule and schooling and interactions with the kids where they need to be, and it is a process! I am loving where we are at right now, loving teaching and helping them learn and watching them get excited about it all. I am loving all the snuggles I can get out of my not-so-little "baby" Claire-Bear. I am loving playing games with them, reading to them and starting new things with them. I am also really loving finding my new niche in cooking and giving healthy yummy meals to my family. We have changed so much in our diets, but I have never before enjoyed all the fun new ways to have things and the trying of new things.

So, I am so thankful for my life right now, but it seems that it is all enclosed within my four walls. Nate has even been going grocery shopping for me on Wednesday nights with Claire while the three bigs and I are at Awana. I keep getting little pricks of well, conviction is not the right word...maybe guilt? when I realize how inward focused I am getting. Not that taking care of my home and family is in any way wrong. I believe it is a Biblical mandate, but sometimes I am shocked to discover that I haven't called friends in weeks, that I haven't kept up with what other friends are doing, that it's been months since I have gotten together with friends. I think I am still trying to find a balance between being faithful to what the Lord has called me to at home, and also being faithful to be the friend I should be to the wonderful friends the Lord has blessed me with. I have a long way to go.

And now, on top of all that, I have been really itching to get back into a regular routine of exercise. I have so many times started out gung ho and energized and expecting so much of myself that burnout is just inevitable. I don't want to do that this time. I don't want to feel I have failed if I am not shaking with exhaustion when I get off the treadmill. I want to be satisfied with whatever few minutes I can devote to it and NOT make it more of a priority than it should be, while still giving the time and attention to it I need to. Again, finding a balance here is so hard for me. I have moments when I laugh at myself and think "How old are you? Have you not figured this out yet?!?!?" But in some ways, I think I had an easier time of it when I was younger. I never felt the weight of responsibility that I do now, nor the consequences of failure. Yet another thing I need to lay at the feet of the cross. I know the Lord holds the balance, the peace I am striving for. And yet, too often, turning to Him for help is a last resort, after I have fallen on my face, instead of an automatic impulse, being fully aware of my incompetence at the beginning.

Well, I must go corral the youngins' and get them fed. The boys still have their reading for the day to do and Bible. And maybe the girls will nap and I can walk on my treadmill for a little while?? We shall see. :)