Well, we had a wonderful trip to Maine, the kids traveled really well considering we drove straight through and it was so great to be up there and see everyone. We stayed at Nanny and "Great" Grampy's old house, since they have moved up to the "camp" at Greenwood Pond now. Mama and Daddy came to stay there too later in the week and Dan and his kids came on the weekend. I got to visit with Heather and Amy and they had a baby shower for Sara and I on Sunday. The weather was great the first few days we were there, then rainy and kind of yucky the end of the week. It is always so relaxing to be up there, in a strange way, even though I don't ever get enough sleep. I came home far more exhausted than I left and still feel like I haven't caught up yet, although I am starting to.

This baby, or rather, the birth of this baby is looming larger on my horizon everyday. I hadn't really had many episodes of contractions again until today, and some of them this evening were getting almost painful. I felt a lot of downward pressure today, too. I did get a lot done, though, which is probably why I was having more contractions tonight. Nate has gone to watch the Vikings play football at Jer's house. I watched as much TV as I could before getting completely disgusted with the filth that is on the airways, and now I am just playing online. I got a new shower curtain today on ebay, it's really cute, with pine cones on it. Grace is doing really well potty training, and I think I might put her in real underwear tommorow. She had some on for a few hours last night and only had one little accident. She's such a stinker, though, she won't usually pee for you on the potty until after you've given her the little M+M. She does really have a lot of control over it for her age, at least compared to the boys. I don't know when Ian will get it, he wants nothing to do with the potty. I think he just doesn't realize that he could have control over going. That will come someday, I hope. At least he is doing better emotionally, although the last two days he has been a little worse. Overall though, he is communicating better and I have every confidence he will catch up to where he is "supposed" to be soon.

I have to say, my heart so is not in my blog anymore. I just have no more desire to write, and it's funny because I used to gain so much from it. I wonder if that will change again after the baby is born. I am looking forward to meeting this child and to seeing how my labor will go this time, but to be perfectly honest, I am just not looking forward to too much after that. The thought of nursing again, changing so many more diapers, the constant care, the lack of sleep, I am really discouraged when I think about it all, and I know that is just awful. I am just tired, and I have been for a really long time, and there is no real rest in sight. I am thankful for my children everyday, but some days I really wonder if it is worth continuing to have more if there is so little left of myself to take care of the ones I have. I don't know. I think Nate is becoming a little more understanding and sympathetic as time goes by, and he is a great help when he is here, but he can't be here very often. Every year the "slow season" gets a little shorter, it seems. We both know that this is the job and the place where the Lord has him right now, and we are so very thankful for it, but I don't know if our family can sustain itself on it indefinitely. As the children get older, they only become more aware of his absence and more bothered by it, and need his presence more and more. I'm glad the Lord knows all this and that He has a plan.