There are days when I feel my head is above water. Not much, like my chin is still wet, but you know, barely above. Most days, I don't even try to tread, I just get through the seaweed as best I can, and hope that the next day I will be able to find a rock to stand on. I think when you live in a state of perpetual "just-barely-keeping-up" it is doubly hard to get back to barely above water when ANYTHING extra happens to get you behind. Almost as soon as we got back from MN, I got really sick, and so, of course, got even more behind on my day to day, let alone anything beyond that. So I feel as if I am fighting an uphill battle just to get back to being barely keeping up so I can try to fight another battle to get beyond that. Sigh. Sometimes it is so discouraging. I saw a friend in Wal-mart the other day who has two little girls, one is about 17 months old, and one is about 3 months old. She said she doesn't know how I do it with 4. I told her I only do it (and do it badly) because I have no choice. She said she feels like she is just feeding and changing and cleaning up after them all the time. I said I feel the same way, and she kind of goggled at me that it doesn't change even when they are a bit older. I keep thinking that one of these days, things will begin to get a bit easier, I will get better at all the things I have to do, or things will click a bit better so I can get beyond it to more, but I just don't know if that is going to happen. Invariably, as they get older, the challenges will change, will probably grow, and who knows? Maybe in 3 years, I'll be thinking I should have done more NOW, because I am so much busier then. Times like this just really make me question if God really knows what He's doing, in putting me where I am, in giving me the children and challenges He has given me. BUT, I know He does know, and I know He will continue to know, as He lays things in my path. I said to a friend the other day "The only thing we know for sure is that God is in control." I think I need to remind myself of that more often.