I'm here

I am here. And I am well. Well, my body is getting well-er all the time, Praise the Lord. My asthma is so, so, much better, I am so incredibly thankful. I am down to half the dose of Advair, and am hoping to completely get off it soon. I just came from the chiropractor today, so my back and neck are great, just sore, but the knots in my muscles and the numb and tingly feelings in my hands are gone. There are some wonderfully positive things going on in my relationship with the Lord, and with my husband, which are just amazing and I am very thankful for the Lord's hand and provision there. I am kind of having a hard time keeping up with it all, to be honest. I am very in awe of the Lord's strength and guidance in opening my eyes about some things and gently humbling me, and His patience with me as I try to accept and move forward in this new light. There are things about myself and my relationships that I thought weren't able to be changed, but they are. And I have changed them. I feel like I am living each moment from a new perspective, and it is beautiful, but it is hard. On one hand, I feel a great sadness for the loss of the years I lived without facing these things and dealing with them, and on the other hand, I feel a bit of trepidation about the future. I knew how to live with my old self and I just don't know all of the ramifications of these changes in my heart and mind, and how exactly the Lord wants me to proceed in light of them. I feel a bit lost and emotional. It seems some days as if my mind is being renewed and openly accepting all the Lord lays in my path, and other days it's as if I can't even get through the fog wrapping around my thoughts to see where my path lays. I just feel laid bare at the foot of the cross. And through my tears, I am joyful to be here.