If only....

Wow. I haven't kept up with blog reading much in the last few months. One blog that I used to really enjoy was Molly's. Rather, I enjoyed the blogger, not the blog, as I loved her writing from several different blog venues. Tonight, Nathan fell asleep in front of the fire on the couch, so I got online and not having any pressing research or correspondance (or, let's be honest, facebooking) to do, I opened up my bookmarked stash of favorite blogs. After reading a few, I ran into Molly's again at www.adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com and read her few recent posts and then went delving into back posts of hers. Her writing is ALWAYS interesting, not because of its wit, although there is plenty, but because of her truth. She has come down many paths and explored them Biblically and shared her heart about them. I am almost always convicted, or encouraged, usually both, and without fail, I am directed back to the Lord. She makes you think.

Well, so I was reading on punishment vs. discipline in her "Parenting with gentleness" series. I do spank, let me say that upfront, although I try to have it be my last resort instead of my first. This particular article was on spanking and how the popular Christian culture has made it almost a requisite to Biblical parenting. Looking strictly at Scripture, though, without the constraints of our culture, experiences, and prejudices coloring our vision, it really is kind of hard to extrapolate that "He who spares the rod spoils his son" means that you should hit your child with a stick or whatever on their butt X number of times if you want them to turn out well. I had heard before the context being that of a shepherd, using his rod, or staff to guide the sheep (think Psalm 23) but this article took the thought even further. What if... we have been so caught up in trying to seem righteous to each other in our conservative little folds (thinking that this means we are righteous before God) that we have perpetuated a false teaching and have harmed our children in the process? Let me back up and say that I do not presume to speak for anyone else, but I know for myself there have been many times when I have spanked a child and not felt right about it in my heart, yet "comforted" myself with the thought that I was just doing what was Biblical. But what if I wasn't? What if that's NOT what God meant? What if a higher level of involvement with my child and getting to the heart of the issue would have forestalled any further acting out of the behavior I was correcting with the spank? Isn't that my goal in spanking? To keep them from repeating a behavior that is harmful or wrong? And if I can accomplish that with love and encouragement instead of harsh physical pain, shouldn't I? Yes. I mean, how does God parent us? Yes, we have to suffer the natural consequences of our choices, but do we suffer physical pain when we disobey or even the "adult" version of that - mental or emotional pain or physical deprivation some kind? *I don't want to get ahead of myself here, and I really am trying to just search this out for myself and find what exactly God IS saying, please don't think I am trying to purvey any truth, I am looking for it myself* What I do know is that the Bible clearly says that the wicked will sometimes, perhaps often, prosper, and the righteous will sometimes not even have a place to lay their heads. But I know the same camp (that I grew up in) that touts spanking often equates God's blessing with physical and emotional comfort. So if you are going through a hard time, financially, mentally, whatever, that *may* (and in their minds usually *must*) mean you have sinned and God is punishing you. Is this really Biblical? Nope, read Job.

So does that mean spanking is unBiblical?? I don't know yet. What I know right now is that my having subscribed to this veiwpoint and all of its trappings robbed me of closeness with my children that I might have had. My desire for my oldest child to be "well behaved" probably has contributed to his anxiety today. And I can never take back all of the times I corrected him, too harshly, thinking I was helping him, instead of getting on his level and trying to see through his eyes. I am sitting here in tears thinking of the times I felt pride in his good behaviour, and too severely censured him for deviating from that in any way, thinking it must be a reflection of my good parenting that he was doing so well, and then chastising him for acting like the child he so rarely was. Oh Lord, forgive me.