Sad....but joyful

One of the saddest trips you can make is coming back from the airport alone after spending a week with someone who helped formed your heart and continues to be one of the chief encouragers of it. I drove my mom there this morning, and didn't even realize how much she had filled my soul with joy and help until I drove away and just felt bereft. It was such an incredible gift, her week here with us, but of course, it went all too fast. The kids had so much fun with their Grammy, and again my mothers example of truly loving and caring for people was such an inspiration to me. She has a gift for meeting people where they're at, whatever their ages or stages and finding what would bless and help them most. She made crossword puzzles for the kids, complicated ones for George and simpler ones with letters Ian knew for him to fill in. Ian was so proud of himself for doing it. The one for Grace was just suited to her little girly, frilly, tough and silly personality. Then she made a big one for the kids and I to fill out together all about our day together at Callaway Gardens on Wednesday. She pretended to be surprised at the decorations and birthday cake the kids helped me with on Tuesday and acted as if she were being given the moon over the little presents the kids got her and wrapped themselves. She danced to "the Clara music" (Nutcracker) with Grace, wanted to hear all about the boys Lego creations, played in the sandbox with Claire, read story after story, and even wrote a special story for "Princess Grace" about her royal family who lived in the land of Newnan and the Great King of all Who watched over them. She brought books and taught the kids how to draw pictures and made things with them, including collars for the little puppy toys they got from a meal she treated us out to. She bought them special books and toys and treats. She washed and folded and swept and cooked and fixed and helped me, despite my insisting she was on vacation and should be putting her feet up. We played Speed Scrabble and watched movies and exercised together and talked and soaked in the hot tub and drank coffee and looked at pictures and planned for the future. She listened and encouraged and gave me ideas and prayed and helped and just made me feel like a useful, valuable person. Of course she has known me all my life, and anything worthwhile in me is because of her example and instruction and help and continual encouragement to look to the Lord to make all things right. Having lived it herself in much harder circumstances, she was such an encouragement to Nate and I about waiting on the Lord for the job He has for Nathan. "It will come at just the right time, and you'll be ready for it when it does" she said. His (and to a lesser degree, my) stress and discouragement over his job, along with a certain amount of trepidation about the future just seem less insurmountable in the face of joyful hope in the Lord's provision for us. I know my father can hardly do without his dear wife, and after being with her for the week, I miss her so much more now than I did before she came. I can see why he sounded like Eeyore every time she talked to him on the phone. In a purely self centered sense, it was such complete balm to my soul to have her here, with me every minute, completely involved in and validating all the "inconsequential" little patterns and routines that make up my days of childcare and home making and trying to live healthfully. I felt like what I was doing was important and interesting and that I was doing a decent job of it because she was here doing it with me. And now my heart is breaking because she is gone. We are hoping to go up North in the fall, so Lord willing we will see her again in October. Her flight was very early this morning, so she said Goodbye to the kids last night before bed. I fear George was the only one who understood, though, that she wasn't going to be here when they woke up in the morning and I will be joined in my tears of missing her today. She said Goodbye to Nathan last night, and cried some tears of her own, encouraging him to keep his faith in the Lord and His will and path, and that it will be revealed soon. She has a full day of travel ahead of her, with a four hour layover in Philadelphia, then on to Boston where she will take the bus to New Hampshire, where my dad will pick her up, then an hour drive home where she will be greeted by dirty dishes and a full hamper and a cat the size of a compact car who will be put out that she hasn't been picking up his hairballs all week. Then she'll have three church services tomorrow and back to work Monday, where she teaches disabled special education high school students. I can't help but daydream about how wonderful it would be if we could live closer together. My father seems to be brewing again on his "secret invention" (his attitude is "If I told you, I'd have to kill you") and wanting to get that off the ground. Who knows, maybe Nathan getting done with his job would coincide somehow with my dad needing his help for the start of his business. In a perfect world, that would all work out beautifully. Of course, in a perfect world, everyone that I loved I would actually be able to hug every day, and would never have to feel the wrenching in my heart that I do now. It just makes me long for Heaven all that much more after my mother has given me a taste of it for a week.

Tuesday

I just updated my health blog and thought I should actually write some words here as well. My neck and shoulder are killing me, I *really* need to get to the chiropractor soon. I am considering just hauling all the kiddos with me and trying to corral them there. Everyone is feeling alright here, besides a few allergic sniffles among the munchkin set. Nate is caffeine free and trying to eat healthy since his heart scare last week. I am just thankful it wasn't anything more serious, and praying even more fervently now for the Lord to bring a low stress job for Nathan, as this PVC (premature ventricular contraction) is aggravated by stress, among other things, which Nate is inundated with every single day at his job. I'm trying to keep things low stress for him as much as I can at home, and I am thankful for any little thing I can do to make his life easier, but at the same time, it does in a way make me feel more alone than just his being physically gone so much right now does. I know the Lord can and will meet all my needs, though, and I need to remember to look to Him first, instead of waiting til I am at the end of my rope. I am still having some chest pain but I think now it must be my left lung, since my heart is technically fine, according to the stress ekg and echo I had done. I still would like to look into the pectus surgery.

I have switched from apple cider vinegar liquid to tablets, thanks to my MIL, who just had some on hand. It has helped get the acidy burn out of my throat, but I don't think it works as well on my asthma. I am still off the Advair. I did totally screw up the other day and waited way too long to eat then was so hungry I just polished off about a cup and a half of mac and cheese. The next day I felt wheezy and chest sore and yuck. As if I needed any further confirmation that dairy and I should no longer be seeing each other. "It's not you, milk, it's me" :)

I have really been convicted lately about my dropping the ball and getting out of the habit of getting up right away in the morning. We have gotten so out of the groove homeschooling since the beginning of the year with trying to potty train Claire, having sick kids, health issues with myself and trying to keep up with exercising and all. Anyway, the bottom line is that while I could go on and on justifying and excusing my night owl tendancies and early morning aversions, the fact is that I need to get up. It doesn't matter what I feel like or how late I laid awake the night before, it is my job to take care of my kids, their education, their environment and their home, and I can't do that as well if I am wasting the time in the morning laying about in bed. There is nothing in my physical body or even my emotions that desires the establishment of this good habit, but how often do my flesh and my emotions actually steer me right?? Yeah, not often. This is just a matter of will and doing what I know to be right, regardless of how I feel. As a very wise woman was reminding me yesterday, establishing good habits is critical to success in homeschooling and life. If you remember to pray for lazy me in this, I would greatly appreciate it.

Speaking of homeschooling, it looks as if I might actually be able to attend the homeschool conference this year. I so wanted to last year and it just didn't work out, so this year I asked 6 months in advance about childcare on the two days of it, then 3 months, then a month or more ago. And at first it didn't seem as if it would work out, but now things may come together. I'm really excited. I feel more lost and floundering and like I don't know what I'm doing than I ever have. In short, I need all the help I can get. And I am hoping to get quite a few books there.

I am so excited that my mom is coming to visit for a week this Saturday!! I can't wait to see her and I am just so excited for my kids to have one on one time with their Grammy. Almost any time we are up there, other cousins are around, which is great, but they get to see Grammy all the time. My kids are lucky to see her once or twice a year. It will be wonderful to have her here for the whole week. I think we will go down to Callaway Gardens one day. I'm sure we'll take the kids to Barnes and Noble and browse Ashley Park and go to the playground. I want it to be restful for her, but for her to have fun as well. I wish my dad could come, but he can't get any more time off work. Man, I have a lot to do before Saturday!!! :P

Monday Mental Meanderings...

I have almost recovered from waking up this morning. Not that anything necessarily traumatic happened, it was just that I woke up (which is almost always unpleasant) and it was Monday. I actually woke up at around 6 and just laid in bed for a minute. I knew Nate was awake because he was on his back (and the man can really only sleep on his stomach) even though his eyes were closed. I put my hand on his chest to see if the crazy erratic heartbeat he had yesterday was still happening. Thankfully, it was normal. I don't know if that was just a side effect of what was probably mild food poisoning or him catching my throwing up bug from last week, or what. I'm just glad he's better. Not that he wouldn't have gone to work anyway, Mr. I-have-never-taken-a-sick-day-in-my-life-and-I-don't-intend-to-start-now would have just taken a barf bag and puked between phone calls. He started feeling badly yesterday afternoon and went to bed for the night at about 7. He just doesn't deal well with not enough rest, and being up til 2:30ish the night before did him in, I think. He was almost annoyingly chipper this morning, though, in the face of my morning grumpiness.

I have always wondered where the justice is in the fact that I feel my absolute worst, horrible, negative, depressed, achey, sore and nauseated first thing in the morning. I feel my best, positive, clear headed, flexible, full of energy, ready to face the day (er night) at about 10 pm. I don't know if God sneezed when he was doing my hard wiring or what, but I wish things were different. Unfortunately, wishes don't usually get you anywhere and only make you discontent most of the time. Things are as they are, and will probably continue to be so. I think the best I can do is try to communicate with people as little as I can in the morning until I start to feel like a human being and get caffeine into my system as quickly as possible. I think Mondays are harder too because they are right after the day we are all together as a family with Nathan, so I am in withdrawal from being around my best friend since Saturday night and all of a sudden he's off, into another full work week. Also I have done the least housework of the whole week on Sunday, so things are usually a disorganized mess.

I was running on Mondays for awhile, but last week did on Tuesday. Actually that's the only day I ended up running last week, since I started throwing up on Wednesday and still feel wrung out from all that. I think I lost a couple of pounds, though. And I haven't lost any weight running...hmm, maybe I need to start alternating exercise with some well timed contraction of the flu. :P I am hoping to really get back on track exercising now. Time will tell how well I do with that goal.

I need to go make biscuits. Actually, I am making Pillsbury refrigerated biscuits, which I have never done before. I assume it's easy, though. The reason I am making this ridiculously useless, overpriced and nutritionless item is because I am tweaking my maple egg bake recipe for the Pillsbury baking contest. I know, I know....me, entering a cooking contest...it is funny, you may laugh. George saw a poster for this contest saying you could win $1,000,000 and is convinced that we need to enter and win. There are several categories you can enter and this is in the breakfast category. We are also coming up with a dessert recipe that has eggs, cocoa and condensed milk in it. Of course, George has already decided what we are going to do with the money when we win. First, we will buy the Lego Deathstar, which will set us back about $400. Then we will buy Uncle Scott everything he needs for his camp. Then we'll pay off our house and buy a house for Grammy and Grampy. Then we'll buy the Lego Town set. Next we'll buy an airplane for Bobby and Joanna Burdett to go to Madagascar. Then new leap pads for all the kids, all the Magic Treehouse and Boxcar children books, as well as a really cool science curriculum with lots of experiments. After that, we're not sure. We'll let you know when we win. ;)