Nate and I had a great talk last night, about life and our vision for our family and our finances and what the Lord would have us do with it all. This digressed into a talk about music (don't ask me how) which led into a talk about what I have been mulling over lately...see last post. And I just told him everything I was thinking about, and as always, it made me feel so much better to share it with him. I don't know why I fret so about talking to the man. I suppose that being in the hot tub with a glass of wine in hand helped us both to talk and to listen. ;) And in talking it out I was reminded of what the Pastor was talking about last Sunday in his discussion of Psalm 27.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though a host should encamp against me, my heart will not fear: though war should rise up against me, in this will I be confident. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he will set me up upon a rock. And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies who are around me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises unto the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me and answer me. When you said, Seek my face; my heart said to you, Your face, Lord, will I seek. Hide not your face far from me; put not your servant away in anger: you have been my help; do not leave me or forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of my enemies. Do not deliver me over unto the will of my enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I would have fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he will strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

I don't know if all my "issues" are rooted in fear of man, but I suspect a good deal of them are. And the antidote to this is to have a greater fear of God. Not that these are in any way the same kinds of fear. One should not fear a loving father, but you may fear to disappoint him. You would not cower before the One who loved you enough to die for you, but you should fear living in such a way that makes that sacrifice seem unappreciated. Understanding what the Lord has said, how much He truly loves us, and values us, should induce a spirit of glad hope. We should be more focused on what He thinks about us, then what we, or anyone else may think.

Proverbs 14: 26-27 says "In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge. The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death." Just another of the beautiful paradoxes of the Lord...how could there be confidence in fear?!?!? BUT, it is the kind of fear and what you are fearing, that makes the difference. A place of refuge....from whatever it is you are fearing right now. And this beautiful fear of the Lord, this understanding, this reverential respect for His words that leaves no room for doubting them...this is the answer to my struggle, to not liking the person that God made me to be. I just need to know His words, and believe them, knowing that He is above me, beyond me and I can only trust Him and cling to His promises, set upon a rock above all that would threaten to tear me down.