Friday...

I suppose I should be doing Friday Felicities, but I just don't feel very...um, felicitous right now. I hate to succumb to the cliche, but I am faced with the fact that I am completely and utterly depressed about turning 30. I have been in various stages of denial (my favorite coping technique) about it for about 6 months, and kept thinking I would just start thinking it was not a big deal, but as the time has come closer it has been harder and harder to deny that I can feel it as a great weight upon my shoulders...the fact that I will no longer be in my 20's....tomorrow.

I have gotten several presents in the mail. Sweet birthday cards. All from dear precious people who (I don't know why) love me even when my idiotic psychosis demands that I reject the reason for their kind generosity. I don't want anything to remind me of it. My mil even offered!!!! to watch the kids tomorrow night so Nate could take me out, which usually I would leap at the chance for, but I just have no desire to go.

I really do realize that all this introspection and raging against things I cannot change is not only fruitless and a waste of time, but also terribly self centered. And I don't know if my extreme lack of sleep from our trip (and over the last 7 years) is propogating this mental drudgery, or if it has just snuck up on me or what. It's not as if I am terribly dissatisfied with where I am at in my life right now. My life is FULL of blessings. I have a wonderful husband, four beautiful and healthy children, a nice home, family and friends, great church, etc. I have nothing to complain about. And I have never, I thought, held 30 as a huge change in other people. Maybe my stress levels are just coinciding with my birthday and that is the hinge upon which my despondancy is swinging. Maybe I think I can no longer pretend to be young and fun and carefree anymore once I am that old. That I will have no more excuses for not acting "like a grown-up." Maybe I feel that I should have things more together by now, or that I should be farther along in my Christian walk. All I really know is that even the thought of turning that corner into the next decade just makes me want to cry. And if you know me, you know I hate to cry.

I am packing...

I'm going to Maine.......(cue applause)...well, more accurately, WE are going to Maine. As in me, my munchkins AND my boyfriend (best friend, husband, Nate). :) We are leaving Friday. Packing the van tommorow night and then after naptime on Friday going to pick up Nate at work and then we are on the road again. And I get the nightshift driving, as God just made me weird like that. I naturally wake up at around 10 pm. We are driving straight through, the 20ish hours to my parents house in NH, then my mom will go up with us to my Nanny's house in Maine and my dad will come up on the weekend. We are Lord willing climbing "The Mountain" (a slightly ridiculous moniker for a height you can scale in the space of a few hours, but anyway) swimming, canoeing, roasting marshmallows, visiting with friends, family and just totally enjoying being in "Vacationland" in the month of August. I am so very excited. And we are bringing my mom an air conditioner, courtesy of some dear friends who no longer needed it, AND we are bringing a huge bag of clothes for my little nephew, AND an entire set of dishes for my mom for a housewarming gift...so basically we will have room on the way back to tote home 12 real pine trees from "The Pine Tree State". Not that we actually would, but it's a nice thought to think for a little while. :) And now I need to get back to packing!!

Friday Felicities

1. I can put a ponytail in Claire's hair now....it's so cute!!

2. I got to spend most of the day at a wonderful, wise, beautiful friend's house with her and her wonderful children. We all had a blast.

3. Tommorow is Saturday....and if Nate won't take me on a date, I am going on one myself....to the grocery store.

4. I got to talk to my mom on the phone this week and she is doing well. I miss her so much.

5. I got George's reading books and have his math figured out...now I just need to order it, and I have started writing my spelling curriculum, and have the science done!! Now I just need to organize and all that jazz.

6. We *may* be going to Maine, all of us, in August. :)

7. I love my treadmill. I am SOOOO thankful for it.

8. We just got the new Third Day album, and it totally rocks...I love it!!

9. Espresso+half n' half+chocolate syrup+ice= homemade iced mocha......yummy!!!!

10. Nate found a used car for less than he was expecting, and the van is finally fixed and legal and everything. Praise the Lord.