Baby, it's cold outside.......well, almost, LOL. For this wimped out ex-northerner it feels cold, and I am loving it!!Now I just have to get my winter coat out of the basement of the other house and I'll be all set. I went to Suzanne's Southern Living at home party tonight. It was fun and her house is soooo beautiful. She is one of those uber talented decorating people with the smarts and funds to make things look great. I can only imagine. I totally surprised myself and actually booked a party for the spring. I never thought I would host a Southern Living party, they just seem way too posh and high class for little backwoodsy me and my stained carpet, poorly decorated house, but I did it! I recruited the help of some of my more posh and high class friends to help me, though. I told Nate it would just be a dream come true to have new flooring by then. He said dream on, LOL. Even if we had the money, he wouldn't have the time to do it. Okay, after all the fluff and yummy food at Suzanne's would you believe I am gorging myself on chocolate kisses right now?!?!? duh..... I think I have finally stopped my slow after baby weight loss and if I want to change my size any now, I will actually have to get off my butt and work for it. I bought some jeans at the consignment store a few weeks ago, and they fit so well, I bought some more of the same brand on ebay last week. I bought a smaller size, thinking that I would hopefully fit into them in a month or so and they would be my inspiration, but they fit me fine now. Oh well. I also bought some jeans at Goodwill. Now, lest I seem extremely frivolous here, I have to put that I spend a grand total of about $9.50 on all three pair. And my other jeans were getting a bit baggy.

I got a lot done today. Our bedroom had just been swamped with clothes, our winter things I had gotten out, about three loads of clean laundry and two dirty and of course, Nate's ever growing pile. (which his socks don't usually end up in, but instead I find them under the computer desk, beside the lazyboy, under the kitchen table, etc...:P) But today, I went through everything and sorted, folded, put away, washed, dried, and the whole cycle again to it all. I even organized Grace's stuff and our closet, which was getting to be a total wreck. I got the living room, kitchen and boys room cleaned too. Now, getting all of that done should make me feel really productive and useful and like I had accomplished something successful, right? But instead, on days like today, I usually just end up feeling emotionally wrung out because I basically have to ignore and not play with or read to or even interact much with my children all day. I can not do both. With the ages and stages that my kids are at, I usually have to choose to either be with them, or get things done. It is almost impossible to do both. Do you see why I am stressed out and frustrated most of the time? Now usually, I choose to be with my children, but just even meeting their physical needs, diapering, changing, feeding, bathing, caring for them in that way takes us most of my time, let alone any real, bonding interaction. I think I keep waiting for it to get easier, and it only gets harder.

Ian and I had a battle at lunch time today. I sat him down with a plate of cut up cucumbers with dip on them, which he has loved in the past, and he just started screaming. It was obvious that he did not want them. After talking calmy to him and trying to get him to do the same (haha) I just picked him up and put him in his bed. When he stopped howling, I took him out, sat him down again and asked him to eat his food. He started sucking the ranch dressing off the cucumbers and when I told him he had to bite it, he started howling again. So, I put him back in his bed again. He raged for about 10 minutes, and when he was done, I got him out and sat him down again, and this time he did take a few bites in between screaming. While this whole saga with Ian was going on, I was making George's plate of veggies, then his PB and J, and feeding Gracie her yogurt, which was interspersed with her screaming everytime I got up to help one of the boys. By the last time I sat Ian down, the other two were done, and may I just praise the Lord here and thank Him for bringing to mind that I should make a point of praising George for being so good and eating his food. I could tell it meant sooo much to George when I sat down next to him and hugged him and thanked him for doing so well. With he and Ian, it is usually the other way around. So, I brought the other kids out into the living room and we were playing and when I went back to check on Ian a few minutes later, he had thrown all his cucumbers on the floor. This was obviously disobedient and rebellious, but had the added stigma of wasting food, which Nate has deemed in our house to be tantamount to burning books, so we always make a big deal out of it. I told him exactly what he had done wrong and slapped his little hand and then made him pick up all the mess, and sent him away from the table. At which point he started into the raging howls again because I wouldn't let him have anymore food. I know I really need to pick my battles carefully, and really, I do not need one more thing in my day to keep on top of when it would be soooo much easier to just give him yogurt or whatever he wants instead of what I give him, but I am not going to reinforce picky eating behaviour when I know he is capable and has been willing in the past to eat whatever I put in front of him. So, this was the first big battle of the food wills with Ian. I am still going through it with George, although I have to say that with prayer and some good advice, that area is causing much less stress on everyone involved now. I have said before that two of the biggest frustrations of motherhood are that you cannot make a child eat, and you cannot make a child sleep, even when you know that both, in their proper amount and timing are paramount to your child's health and wellbeing. Just one more thing to not let myself get stressed out over, I suppose.

Speaking of getting stressed out, I had a talk with Nathan last night about my attitude concerning this trip we are going on on Saturday. We are driving about 5 hours to Savannah, where we are staying at one of those "stay at our hotel free and listen to our timeshare pitch" places, then driving Sunday to Orlando. In Orlando, we will be staying at a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house for about a week, during which time, Nate will go to the National Pool and Spa convention. On our way home the following Saturday, we will be staying at the same hotel in Savannah again, then coming home Sunday. Last night I told Nate that to be perfectly honest with him, I was not looking forward to this trip. Mostly because it will be me at home (although not our home) alone with the kids while he's gone all day and some evenings. I can do that here in my own environment with a ton less preparation, disruption of schedule, and stress. Now that was my negative feelings on the whole matter. The truth, and what I need to continue to focus on is this: He could have decided to go alone, or with someone else from work to this and be gone that whole time. He could have decided not to go at all and forgo the opportunity for our family to spend more time together than normal and to make some great memories. And, the fact is that he has been looking forward to this for months and is very excited about going, and it is selfish of me to not support him in that. Truly, that is what it comes down to: sinful, self-centered, prideful selfishness. I have here the opportunity to make this a positive, fun trip that will be a blessing to everyone, or to hold onto my negativity and selfishness and make it miserable for everyone. I decided last night that I am done thinking negatively about it, and I will be excited. I refuse to get stressed out about it, and I will do everything in my power to make it as pleasant and blessed for everyone as I can. I am writing this here as a point of accountability. If you read this, please pray that I will be able to carry out this mindset of being a blessing, and not fall into being a hindering wretch. Of course, I am also premenstrual, which helps out my mindset sooo much, of course. I have started my period on the 30th of the month the last 3 months and that will be day two of traveling for us. Oh joy.

Well, lest I end this on a negative note, I do have all my sisters in law bought for for Christmas, and have specific ideas for several other people. So, that is encouraging!!!

I have finally gotten pictures posted and am writing about my fantabulous time out with Misty and meeting Holly and Cheri and Anna Elizabeth. We had so much fun. And may I just say that although Cheri looks supermodelish enough in her pictures, they just do not do her justice. And that girl looks gooooooood for having a baby just 3 months ago!!! Speaking of AE, she is so sweet and adorable. Cheri is snarkely funny and so totally real like you would not believe. I wish she were here all the time. I loved meeting Holly. She was so cute in her little glasses and orange sweatshirt, and just cracked us all up. She showed up saying to someone on her cell phone "...yes, I'm having supper with people I've never met before...no, I'm sure it'll be fine." LOL We talked, we laughed, we made the little girl behind the counter actually wait on us, (gasp) and then Cheri even made her smile. I think they were thinking we weren't ever going to leave, when the manager came out and started smacking the welcome mat down on the floor and trying to bribe us with Outback gift cards. So, finally we made our way to the door and went our seperate ways. Well, I tried to go my way, but my truck wouldn't start. Luckily Misty was still there and tried to give me a jump to no avail, so we went to the coffee shop next door and waited for my darling person to come save the day. After about half of my raspberry royale decaf, Nathan showed up and started the truck right away. Apparantly, I couldn't start it because I hadn't pushed the clutch in far enough.....alright you are now entitled to really laugh out loud, fall off your chair laughing your butt of, and other things of that nature.

I have sooo much to do this week, to get ready for our big trip. We are leaving Saturday, and I need to get everything done by Friday night....cleaning, laundry, organizing, meal planning, packing and all that goes along with it. I've started making my lists of what I need to buy, pack, bring for the van, etc. I have to go to Awana Wednesday night and Bible study Thursday, then Friday morning I am picking up the kids pictures and making my last trip to Wal-mart ever!!! I am so disgusted with them. After coming back on day 4 and day 5 after doing 2 day pictures, and still not being able to get them, I noticed the new feature in the checkout aisle...tv screens right in front of your heads, showing among other things music videos of half-dressed girating women. Like I want my kids to see that!!!! So, that is it, I am done. Besides the fact that it is almost impossible to actually get any real shopping done there with three wild children to take care of who are constantly trying to pack the cart with whatever they can reach, unpack the cart of whatever I have put in it, step on, grab and pull whatever of their siblings they can get a hold of, shreik at the top of their lungs and pee all over the world all at the same time...yeah, I don't think I'll be going there with them again anytime soon. Well, I have much to do and need to get on it, so I will say goodbye......Happy Monday!!!!

Ane here is Cheri and Holly caught in a Shepherd Smith sighting swoon.... 

Misty loving on cutesy babykins!! 

Cheri in her sparkly glasses, and Holly in her brainiac ones 

Here is me, Cheri and Anna Elizabeth and Misty at Gandolfo's 

Well, I finally posted pictures that I have been meaning to for forever. I can't believe how much Grace has grown lately. I measured all the kids the other day and looked them up on an online growth percentile calculator. Grace was in about 90th percentile, Ian was 75th to 80th, and George was in 74th for height and about 24th for weight, poor scrawny kid!! :P I know those charts don't mean much, I was just curious. I am so excited about tonight, I will be meeting Cheri and Holly, and going out with Misty means a funtime anytime, so it should be great. I'll probably post pictures of that, too. I have noticed lately that I have been getting a lot of hits, and no one has left me a comment in a really long time. (Okay, except Misty, because I begged her to!) It makes me very curious to know who is reading. So, if you read this, please take a second to just say hi in the comment line. Thankyou!!!

Nate and the kids at the park. He's been getting home at such a decent hour on Saturdays now, we have taken the kids to do something fun the last two Saturdays.  

Gracie's 10 month picture, late again, of course. She was 10 months on the 14th. 

George and Ian dressed up as "pirates" :P 

I started in Matthew. With the first words of Christ recorded there. The red words, the scarlet thread of redemption. Sometimes do you just feel that inward urging, the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit leading you and so gently guiding you into truth? I did today. As I said, I started in Matthew 5, and read the "sermon on the mount."

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

In reading this familiar passage, it really struck me that the circumstances, and state of the heart do not render the blessing, but rather the response of the Lord to the state of the heart. Ownership of the kingdom of Heaven, given by God; Comfort from God; Inheritance from God; Filling with righteousness from God; Obtaining of mercy from God; Being able to see God; and then being called the children of God. When I got to verse 9, something started niggling in my thoughts, a thread to be pursued, and I followed the cross reference to Romans 8. But, ssomewhere before reading Matthew 5, I had followed a reference to Deuteronomy, Hosea, then Psalms, and had ended up in Galatians. It all came together finally, but this is what Galatians 5:16 and following says:

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. And how can I really be led of the Spirit? Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Again, inheritance of the kingdom of God, which Jesus said will go to the poor in spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Law, this got me thinking of Romans, and wouldn't you know..that is where I ended up? And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. How do I really do this? How do I crucify the flesh? Mortify and cease to 'sow' to the carnal flesh? If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Cross reference here to I Corinthians 11:28 which talks about 'examining yourself', before partaking of the Lord's supper: a clue here to how to crucify my flesh.. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."

And it ended up talking again about not feeding the carnal flesh but feeding the Spirit, sowing to the flesh reaping corruption but sowing to the Spirit reaping life. Then I read the passage in Matthew and followed it to Romans, again with the Holy Spirit impressing upon my mind the thread of sowing, the avenue towards real blessing, the key to life, real life, through crucifying my flesh. This is what Romans says in chapter 8:


"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. And this walking would reap the fruit of the Spirit... For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; Mind, mind, taking every thought captive, not keeping in my mind the 'things of the flesh' but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: This made me think back to the passage in Matthew: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. Is this saying that we can increase the vitality of the Spirit within us by our obeying the Lord's commands and living righteously? But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken, make alive, your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. I believe that God's definition of life is so different from our own. To Him, life is the life of being led by and producing the fruit of the Spirit, through crucifying the flesh, daily dieing to self and cultivating, sowing in righteousness. There is another form of life, our human perspective on it, which will always be tainted by the sin inherent in the world we live in, and I believe this is the life talked of that is not able to separate us from the love of Christ, but which we so often allow to do so. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: So, from what Jesus said in Matthew, we must be peacemakers. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; Meek, inheriting the earth.. if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Here the Lord just smote my heart with conviction and shame, for any 'suffering' that I endure hardly even can qualify as such, and 'suffering', again hardly even, would only be my actually crucifying and being dead to the temptations of my flesh, and listening and living through the Spirit within me, which I so, so often fail to do. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. Wow. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, I believe this groaning to be the daily struggle of the flesh warring against the Spirit of God within us... waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: How amazing for God to have provided for our every weakness... for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Even when we do not know what the will of God is the Spirit does, and He is praying for us, interceeding on our behalf for it to be accomplished. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? The only question and answer that really matters. He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Wisdom, strength, and the possibility to accomplish whatever God calls us to... Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. The Spirit makes intercession for us, and so does the Son...what excuse do I ever have for not heeding, and succeeding? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, in reading this, I thought it strange that life would be counted as something that might separate us from the love of Christ, but I believe this to be the life that we would live in the flesh.. nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen and Amen!!

I could feel in my spirit the fulfillment of what the Lord wanted to teach me today, what I have been halfheartedly seeking in the last few days, and just not feeling a culmination to my search. Obviously I had been working, living in the flesh, and not taking advantage of the willingness of the Holy Spirit within me to guide me into all truth. I could never express enough the Scriptures' complete end and beginning of all that we need.

II Peter 1:2-4 "Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."

Can our response be anything but wholehearted devotion, a complete and utter falling away from anything that might detract from following wholeheartedly this calling, this life that we are called to live? Sadly, in myself, I too often see mediocrity, apathy, and hard hearted ignoring of what I know to be true. It makes you wonder what our Heavenly Father's response to this is. Or maybe I could guess. Is it wrath, anger at the affront to His holiness, the disregarding of His Son's sacrifice on Calvary? Or is it sadness, consummate grief at my unwillingness to live the full, rich life that He is offering? Because He says that I am an heir, a joint heir with Christ, I am called His child. When my child disobeys, chooses to do things that harm himself or chooses not to take advantage of what I have provided for his blessing, it makes me sad. Sometimes in my flesh, it makes me angry, but it is never a righteous anger. When my heart is right, my response to my errant child is sadness. Whatever God's response, I know what my course of action should be, and I know that He has provided all I need to accomplish what He calls me to today.

I wanted to write a bit of what was in my chapter this week for Bible study. We are reading "Home Making", by J.R. Miller. This chapter was entitled "The Wife's Part"

"Again, let me say that no wife can overestimate the influence she wields over her husbad, or the measure in which his character, his career and his very destiny are laid in her hands for shaping. The sway which she holds over him is the sway of love, but it is mighty and resistless. If she retains her power, if she holds her place as queen of his life, she can do with him as she will. Even unconsciously to herself, without any thought of her responsibility, she will exert over him an influence that will go far toward making or marring all his future. If she has no lofty conception of life herself, if she is vain and frivolous, she will only chill his ardor, weaken his resolution and draw him aside from any earnest endeavor. But if she has in her soul noble womany qualities, if she has true thoughts of life, is she has purpose, strength of character and fidelity to principle, she will be to him an unfailing inspiration toward all the is noble, manly and Christlike.

Her unwavering fidelity, her tender affectionateness, her womanly sympathy, her beauty of soul, will make her to him God's angel indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping , guiding and blessing him. Just in the measure in which she realizes this lofty ideal of wifehood will she fulfill her mission and reap the rich harvest of her hopes. Such is the 'woman's lot' that falls on every wife. It is solemn enough to make her very thoughtful and very earnest. How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life, not by any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband's duties and on manly character; she can do it only by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but what she herself is.

So it all comes back to a question of character. She can be a good wife only by being a good woman and she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere save in Christ can she find the wisdom and strength she needs to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming and empearling of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband's sight. Only Christ can teach her how to love so as to be blessed and a blessing in her married life."

It goes on to say that none but Christ will be sufficient to meet the trials and such that are inherant in this life and that "..with his benection and presence the flowers that droop today will bloom frsh again tomorrow, and the dreams of early love will build themselfves up into a Palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and the shelter of old age."

I had read the first part of the chapter last week, where it talked of the wife's first duty in being a keeper of her home, industrious, managing well all her husband entrusts to her in his home, and also of her charge to be generous and warm-hearted. That spoke to me and brought conviction and encouragement, but I did not read the rest until today. And today is when I needed it. Isn't it amazing how the Lord orchestrates even the tiny details of our lives to center our thoughts and our hearts upon Him and on what He would have us to learn and do and remain faithful to? It is humbling and fearful to realize that God loves me enough to pursue my attentions and my progress on this path toward being more like Christ.

It's Saturday afternoon. This morning I went to Goodwill and then Burger King with Amy, and our seven kids between us. Crazy, I know!!! It was fun, though, despite George trying on all the girlie belts at Goodwill, three nursing stops between us, screaming and running wild boys, and Amy's 18 month old getting stuck in the playplace at BK. That kind of chaos can either be sweet or suffering, and today it was sweet. Like kind of a I'm glad to be part of such vital madness kind of a thing. We hadn't seen each other in a while and it was good to visit the little bit that we could. We're already planning a slumber party, hehe, the next time one of our husbands goes out of town.

Okay, here's the part where this becomes more personal diary than out there on the internet for the world to see blog, but this is the best place to put this, so...

And here's the part where I finally finished writing what I started on Saturday and where I decided it was better left unpublished for the world to see and will only put in the last bit that I wrote, as a reminder of what the Lord laid on my heart and what He has called me to....

....And maybe I have said enough. Whether or not the Lord chooses to use my inept words to affect my husband's heart is not up to me, but I know what my path must be. If there is ever to be a real hunger for God, a thirsting for righteousness, a disregard for the world, in favor of the Lord, then prayer must be involved. Not that my prayers are anything special, but the One Who hears them is all powerful. I know that I have neglected this charge before, but I am making a fresh commitment today to pray for my husband. Not just "Lord bless him today..." but real, lay him on the altar for God, heart wrenching, faithful supplications. I know that my obeying the Lord in being what I should for Him may go a long way in helping my husband, but not more than my spending time on my knees for him. The Lord's power is ultimate, and only He can do the things that need to be done. I am resolved, and with the Lord's help, I will pray without ceasing. My flesh rears up at the thought of this, and I know my lazy nature will rebel, but greater is He that is in me....than me.

I really want to blog right now, but I have frittered away my computer time.. How about bullets

*Yesterday I cut the boys hair...think wrestling with scissors
*This morning Grace totally did the sign language for done and said "da" when she was done her breakfast
*Tonight, a nurse is coming to take my blood, AAAAAAAAAAA, for an exam for our life insurance,,,,yuck
*I WILL get to my hubby tonight before sleep gets him! I am resolved, LOL
*I love the new W@H fall format, super cool
*It's pouring rain...so no walk this morning
*Okay, I need to shower

You are Ephesians.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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I thought this was interesting. As I was just reading my Awana leaders handbook for tonight and one of the questions asks us to write a Bible character whose temperament/personality best fits our own. I have no idea, (Now why isn't there a quiz for that? LOL) But reading sweet Nattie's blog, she had this quiz on there.

...Okay, there is a quiz out there for that, (courtesy of www.allthetests.com/quiz13) and it says:

You are Barnabas! You just wish everyone could get along. You seem to spend your life trying to mend other people's problems. Everyone likes you. But sometimes you feel like a bit of a doormat...

Alright, now I really have to go do my Awana stuff, since I have an answer to go from here. Interesting results, I wonder if I took it again if it would be differant. Hmm.....

There are some days, I feel encouraged, competent, confidant, enlightened, capable, like I've got it all under control. As time goes by, these days seem to be fleetingly fewer. Is this just the realization sinking in that I need, like I need air, to lean on the Only One Who really is in control, my Saviour? Or am I letting myself become burdened and discouraged, ensnared by the sins that so easily beset me? Now, every day, even the mountain top ones, I need to rely on my Lord, I need to seek His face, I need to bring every thought captive to Him....but how do I know when the pervading pall of incompetence I feel is from the Lord, brought to track my eyes back to God, or from the devil, seeking to deem my efforts as ultimately useless, so why try..? Or, do I really need to know?

Today I read some really encouraging things online, from the Choosing Home newsletter, really good, sweet, practical things. And instead of feeling inspired, I just felt far away. I subscribed to the newsletter because I felt I could identify with it, I stay at home, after all, I'm a full time Mama to my babies. But, the more I read of it, the more I realize how far away from them, and from the Biblical ideal I am. It seems as if the same sins keep dragging me down, the same efforts keep bringing minimal returns. What do I need to do? What do I need to change? How can I get there, or at least start really striving in the journey, from the dismal state I find myself in? I think I am not alone in wanting the quick fix, the magic key that will open the door to strength without reserve, wisdom without end, and quiet patience that never falters. I am committed to the journey and I love the path that I am on, but some days, it just seems like there must be some mistake, like God is going to look down and say "Oh, wait, did I really put HER in THAT spot? What was I thinking?' (Okay, I know that was extremely sacrilegious, but you know what I mean) And of course, this thought leads me back to what I know is true...that God does not make mistakes, that He knows the past and the future and exactly what is happening right now.....but that only brings it back to me...did I make a mistake? Should I have not gotten married and had children, and put myself in the position to be their primary caregiver? And of course, this just brings it back to God. Can He use our mistakes? Can He bring glory to Himself through even our worst human efforts? Can He guide and direct and keep His hand in the mix all the while we think we are affecting destiny? Of course. I know what the answer is here. It's the same answer that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whispers in my dull of hearing ears so often: Seek My face. Stay faithful to what I have called you, and stop letting the world, the flesh and the devil take precedence over Me.

I too often spend more time analyzing my downfalls than working on righting them. I am such a visual person, though, I think it helps me to see it written out, spelled out clearly where my cloudy mind can grasp it. You know if God spoke to us through billboards, bright orange ones...like: HEY, CHARITY...QUIT SCREWING UP!!! NOW GO DO......whatever. Yeah, that would be good. Like I said, I'm just always looking for the easy way out.

On another note, this morning all three of my little munchkins were playing so sweetly and quietly here with me. Grace is big enough to stand up and look out the window in the computer room to her great delight. George has come up with a great new "pirate ship" game to play with the megabloks, and Ian is loving playing with his little cars, as usual. Although, this afternoon, he spent a long time looking at books on George's bed. Maybe it's days like this when it all seems borderline idyllic, and then I go and read something that just throws so much conviction at me, I don't know what to do. It was like...Oh, you thought you were doing well, well guess again!! I know there's always room for improvement, sometimes I just get overwhelmed with trying to think of anything I am doing "right." I guess I need to get my eyes off myself again and get them back on my Lord, huh? Well, laundry beckons, I must go.