Baby, it's cold outside.......well, almost, LOL. For this wimped out ex-northerner it feels cold, and I am loving it!!Now I just have to get my winter coat out of the basement of the other house and I'll be all set. I went to Suzanne's Southern Living at home party tonight. It was fun and her house is soooo beautiful. She is one of those uber talented decorating people with the smarts and funds to make things look great. I can only imagine. I totally surprised myself and actually booked a party for the spring. I never thought I would host a Southern Living party, they just seem way too posh and high class for little backwoodsy me and my stained carpet, poorly decorated house, but I did it! I recruited the help of some of my more posh and high class friends to help me, though. I told Nate it would just be a dream come true to have new flooring by then. He said dream on, LOL. Even if we had the money, he wouldn't have the time to do it. Okay, after all the fluff and yummy food at Suzanne's would you believe I am gorging myself on chocolate kisses right now?!?!? duh..... I think I have finally stopped my slow after baby weight loss and if I want to change my size any now, I will actually have to get off my butt and work for it. I bought some jeans at the consignment store a few weeks ago, and they fit so well, I bought some more of the same brand on ebay last week. I bought a smaller size, thinking that I would hopefully fit into them in a month or so and they would be my inspiration, but they fit me fine now. Oh well. I also bought some jeans at Goodwill. Now, lest I seem extremely frivolous here, I have to put that I spend a grand total of about $9.50 on all three pair. And my other jeans were getting a bit baggy.

I got a lot done today. Our bedroom had just been swamped with clothes, our winter things I had gotten out, about three loads of clean laundry and two dirty and of course, Nate's ever growing pile. (which his socks don't usually end up in, but instead I find them under the computer desk, beside the lazyboy, under the kitchen table, etc...:P) But today, I went through everything and sorted, folded, put away, washed, dried, and the whole cycle again to it all. I even organized Grace's stuff and our closet, which was getting to be a total wreck. I got the living room, kitchen and boys room cleaned too. Now, getting all of that done should make me feel really productive and useful and like I had accomplished something successful, right? But instead, on days like today, I usually just end up feeling emotionally wrung out because I basically have to ignore and not play with or read to or even interact much with my children all day. I can not do both. With the ages and stages that my kids are at, I usually have to choose to either be with them, or get things done. It is almost impossible to do both. Do you see why I am stressed out and frustrated most of the time? Now usually, I choose to be with my children, but just even meeting their physical needs, diapering, changing, feeding, bathing, caring for them in that way takes us most of my time, let alone any real, bonding interaction. I think I keep waiting for it to get easier, and it only gets harder.

Ian and I had a battle at lunch time today. I sat him down with a plate of cut up cucumbers with dip on them, which he has loved in the past, and he just started screaming. It was obvious that he did not want them. After talking calmy to him and trying to get him to do the same (haha) I just picked him up and put him in his bed. When he stopped howling, I took him out, sat him down again and asked him to eat his food. He started sucking the ranch dressing off the cucumbers and when I told him he had to bite it, he started howling again. So, I put him back in his bed again. He raged for about 10 minutes, and when he was done, I got him out and sat him down again, and this time he did take a few bites in between screaming. While this whole saga with Ian was going on, I was making George's plate of veggies, then his PB and J, and feeding Gracie her yogurt, which was interspersed with her screaming everytime I got up to help one of the boys. By the last time I sat Ian down, the other two were done, and may I just praise the Lord here and thank Him for bringing to mind that I should make a point of praising George for being so good and eating his food. I could tell it meant sooo much to George when I sat down next to him and hugged him and thanked him for doing so well. With he and Ian, it is usually the other way around. So, I brought the other kids out into the living room and we were playing and when I went back to check on Ian a few minutes later, he had thrown all his cucumbers on the floor. This was obviously disobedient and rebellious, but had the added stigma of wasting food, which Nate has deemed in our house to be tantamount to burning books, so we always make a big deal out of it. I told him exactly what he had done wrong and slapped his little hand and then made him pick up all the mess, and sent him away from the table. At which point he started into the raging howls again because I wouldn't let him have anymore food. I know I really need to pick my battles carefully, and really, I do not need one more thing in my day to keep on top of when it would be soooo much easier to just give him yogurt or whatever he wants instead of what I give him, but I am not going to reinforce picky eating behaviour when I know he is capable and has been willing in the past to eat whatever I put in front of him. So, this was the first big battle of the food wills with Ian. I am still going through it with George, although I have to say that with prayer and some good advice, that area is causing much less stress on everyone involved now. I have said before that two of the biggest frustrations of motherhood are that you cannot make a child eat, and you cannot make a child sleep, even when you know that both, in their proper amount and timing are paramount to your child's health and wellbeing. Just one more thing to not let myself get stressed out over, I suppose.

Speaking of getting stressed out, I had a talk with Nathan last night about my attitude concerning this trip we are going on on Saturday. We are driving about 5 hours to Savannah, where we are staying at one of those "stay at our hotel free and listen to our timeshare pitch" places, then driving Sunday to Orlando. In Orlando, we will be staying at a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house for about a week, during which time, Nate will go to the National Pool and Spa convention. On our way home the following Saturday, we will be staying at the same hotel in Savannah again, then coming home Sunday. Last night I told Nate that to be perfectly honest with him, I was not looking forward to this trip. Mostly because it will be me at home (although not our home) alone with the kids while he's gone all day and some evenings. I can do that here in my own environment with a ton less preparation, disruption of schedule, and stress. Now that was my negative feelings on the whole matter. The truth, and what I need to continue to focus on is this: He could have decided to go alone, or with someone else from work to this and be gone that whole time. He could have decided not to go at all and forgo the opportunity for our family to spend more time together than normal and to make some great memories. And, the fact is that he has been looking forward to this for months and is very excited about going, and it is selfish of me to not support him in that. Truly, that is what it comes down to: sinful, self-centered, prideful selfishness. I have here the opportunity to make this a positive, fun trip that will be a blessing to everyone, or to hold onto my negativity and selfishness and make it miserable for everyone. I decided last night that I am done thinking negatively about it, and I will be excited. I refuse to get stressed out about it, and I will do everything in my power to make it as pleasant and blessed for everyone as I can. I am writing this here as a point of accountability. If you read this, please pray that I will be able to carry out this mindset of being a blessing, and not fall into being a hindering wretch. Of course, I am also premenstrual, which helps out my mindset sooo much, of course. I have started my period on the 30th of the month the last 3 months and that will be day two of traveling for us. Oh joy.

Well, lest I end this on a negative note, I do have all my sisters in law bought for for Christmas, and have specific ideas for several other people. So, that is encouraging!!!