Someone left a long comment on my blog the other day. They said that they thought I was living in "sacrificial martyrdom", and that I had doomed myself to a "life of penance." They said that God meant to prosper me outside of my roles as "mommy and wife." They wrote that I needed balance and that I deserved fulfillment and pleasure. The person who wrote this was obviously not interested in a civil dialogue, since they did not even have the decency to leave their name.
When I first read this, I was just too shocked to know how to respond. I was dumbfounded as to how anyone could infer from my posts that I was living a life of drudgery and "sacrificial martyrdom." Then I was afraid that somehow I had so misrepresented myself and my circumstances that I was giving a vastly distorted view of my life. But I do not think that is the case. The only thing I could conclude was that this person had a very different view on life than I did.
The commenter wrote that "God has never called you to sacrifice all that you have and all that you are for your husband and kids." Perhaps they have never known the adoring gaze of a child, the absolute pleasure and fulfillment that comes from honoring and loving the man you were made for. Maybe they don't understand how it feels to know that you are in the center of God's will when you are caring for and loving your family, and experience a level of joy and peace that never could be achieved in the pursuit of "pleasure and fulfillment" outside of the relationships and circumstances that God has graciously appointed to be foremost. My son Ian runs up to me about 20 times a day and says "C'ive a hug, Mama?" and then he giggles and squeezes his little arms around my neck and says "Kith, Mama?" and gives me sloppy kisses. I don't feel like this is a sacrifice in any way. To watch my little girl's eyes light up when she sees me, and know she knows her Mama is always there for her, moments like that don't feel like martyrdom. When George and I can sustain conversations throughout the day, and talk about angels, and sleeping, and Buzz Lightyear, and shell collections, and why Jesus put stars in the sky, and why we love each other, and what we're giving Grampy for Christmas, and a million other things that he only confides in me; I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. Quite on the contrary, I thank the Lord that I can be there for him so I don't have to miss out on any of that. Right before Nathan fell asleep the other night, he turned and looked at me with sleepy, adoring eyes and said "Goodnight, Sweetie. Thankyou for all you do, I love you." and then he wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep with a smile on his face. Am I sacrificing all that I have and all that I am? I don't think so. I thank God that I can give all that I have and all that I am to my family. The sacrifice would be if I had to be in another role, pursuing other things.
Those times when I do seek to get beyond the responsibilities that God has given, when I try to give myself to endeavors or situations or attitudes that are not Biblical, or that are just not what I know to be God's best for my life, those are the times when I am sacrificing. I am giving up time and affections and attentions to things that do not matter, that are not what I have been called to, and that will not yield me any real pleasure or satisfaction.
To whomever left the comment, I am sorry if you have gotten any kind of wrong impression, and I hope you see now that I live a life of glorious satisfaction. When I am true to what God has given me, and seeking to honor Him with the choices that I make, then no other thing could give me more joy and peace. I hope you know that joy and peace, too.
Please feel free to email me if you decide you would like to have a real conversation.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I'm trying to find a Christmas present for Nathan. His mother and I were talking the other night and I told her I was having a hard time this year finding a present worthy of my darling person. Her advice was that we should just not bother to get gifts for one another. I love that woman dearly, but once in awhile, I believe she could use a good spanking. I told her that I didn't think I could bear to not give Nathan something for Christmas. Growing up, we never had much money, usually close to none at all, but it was always a big deal that we give gifts to one another. Not expensive things, not fancy things, but gifts, physical representations of how much we love one another, and especially at Christmastime, to represent God's gift of His Son to us. And really, to be honest, I still cherish a hope that one day I will give Nathan something, and just see in his eyes that it is just what his heart desired and it will make him so happy. I think the first Christmas we were married I came the closest to that. Maybe this year. :) He is a hard person to buy for, because he doesn't have many hobbies, he is extremely thrifty, and so he despises frivolous money use. He doesn't have time for much. And then of course there is the fact that I don't want to settle for just something he "needs" or that would be good for him. I want to make his eyes light up.
It's 2 o'clock in the morning. Nathan made some 1/3 caffeinated coffee this evening, and I thought it would do me no harm, but 2 big mugfulls I suppose have rendered me squarely in the night owl camp tonight. I am still hobbling around on this ugly sprained ankle, although I can pretty much walk on it normally now without wincing. I was up and putting laundry away this evening and carrying children, and it was just fine. It gets to throbbing after awhile on it, and then I duct tape a bag of ice to it over my well worn ace bandage, but besides that, it is surely on the mend. It is extremely frustrating not to be able to get up and do what I need to be doing. Nathan was such a dear and stayed home from work on Monday to help. I suppose that I should chronicle that it was Sunday afternoon that I did that actual spraining. Actually, I don't think it's even really a sprain, probably more of a strain. It's swelled up so you can't even make out my ankle now and turning a pretty shade of purpley blue, but it feels much better now that when it was barely swelled and only a little yellowed. Anyway, chalk one up to clumsiness I suppose.
I don't know if it just the Lord's providence or if anything has changed, but the growing stress and frustration that I had been feeling over my mothering and my children seem to have dissipated. It's like an evil veil has been lifted from my eyes and I can see clearly now their preciousness, their sweetness, their unique liveliness, and the incredible blessing of my being their mother. Nothing on earth could hold a tighter grip on my heart than my family, and short of the intertwining of souls that I have with my Nathan, I hold nothing dearer than my little blessings. I don't know what it was exactly, but for a while there, it seemed as if a blight on my spirit were tainting my behaviour towards my children. I was not patient, I was not kind, I kept records of wrong, I was not loving them as I should, and it makes me ache to think of the words that I spoke, the actions that I took, and the attitude that I maintained. It was sinful. I know I can never get back that time that I wasted and I do not know how many precious minutes the Lord will grant for me to have an influence over George, Ian and Grace. Their lives are mine for the shaping, and God forgive me if I have marred their little forms. I think, no I know, that much of the time that I have spent online I should have been spending investing in my family. I love dearly the women that I have been blessed to come in contact with through the internet, but I must choose what is best, not just what may be good. My prayers will still cover them, and when I do truly have time, I will rejoice to look in on the home that I made online, but I must face the fact that I am much incapable of maintianing dual focuses, and I must be true to what God has called me to first of all. I have never been one to seriously make New Year's resolutions, but I think a renewed spirit of Biblical parenting is always in order, and I feel like a fresh start is being offered to me in this respect. I cannot change the past, I cannot take back harsh words, rough touches, and lost chances to love as I should have. The devil would have me dwell on my shortcomings, and lose sight of what the Lord edges me and the Holy Spirit whispers encouragement towards: the path of righteousness. I have before me the supreme opportunity. You know you hear people ask What would you do if you had a million dollars? Well, potentially, I have a much more costly and relevant possession. I have a million minutes. Lord willing, I have the future, I have my children's future, my marriage's future, my family's future, and how I spend that matters so much more than any amount of dollars and cents. Being a good steward of my time, of my thoughts, of my love, is of infinitely more value than my being a good steward of anything else. And those things have been spoken for. They do not belong to me. They are my Lord's, they are my husband's, and they are my children, in that order. I pray that the Lord would continue to encourage my shaky efforts at this most worthy of endeavors.
It's 2 o'clock in the morning. Nathan made some 1/3 caffeinated coffee this evening, and I thought it would do me no harm, but 2 big mugfulls I suppose have rendered me squarely in the night owl camp tonight. I am still hobbling around on this ugly sprained ankle, although I can pretty much walk on it normally now without wincing. I was up and putting laundry away this evening and carrying children, and it was just fine. It gets to throbbing after awhile on it, and then I duct tape a bag of ice to it over my well worn ace bandage, but besides that, it is surely on the mend. It is extremely frustrating not to be able to get up and do what I need to be doing. Nathan was such a dear and stayed home from work on Monday to help. I suppose that I should chronicle that it was Sunday afternoon that I did that actual spraining. Actually, I don't think it's even really a sprain, probably more of a strain. It's swelled up so you can't even make out my ankle now and turning a pretty shade of purpley blue, but it feels much better now that when it was barely swelled and only a little yellowed. Anyway, chalk one up to clumsiness I suppose.
I don't know if it just the Lord's providence or if anything has changed, but the growing stress and frustration that I had been feeling over my mothering and my children seem to have dissipated. It's like an evil veil has been lifted from my eyes and I can see clearly now their preciousness, their sweetness, their unique liveliness, and the incredible blessing of my being their mother. Nothing on earth could hold a tighter grip on my heart than my family, and short of the intertwining of souls that I have with my Nathan, I hold nothing dearer than my little blessings. I don't know what it was exactly, but for a while there, it seemed as if a blight on my spirit were tainting my behaviour towards my children. I was not patient, I was not kind, I kept records of wrong, I was not loving them as I should, and it makes me ache to think of the words that I spoke, the actions that I took, and the attitude that I maintained. It was sinful. I know I can never get back that time that I wasted and I do not know how many precious minutes the Lord will grant for me to have an influence over George, Ian and Grace. Their lives are mine for the shaping, and God forgive me if I have marred their little forms. I think, no I know, that much of the time that I have spent online I should have been spending investing in my family. I love dearly the women that I have been blessed to come in contact with through the internet, but I must choose what is best, not just what may be good. My prayers will still cover them, and when I do truly have time, I will rejoice to look in on the home that I made online, but I must face the fact that I am much incapable of maintianing dual focuses, and I must be true to what God has called me to first of all. I have never been one to seriously make New Year's resolutions, but I think a renewed spirit of Biblical parenting is always in order, and I feel like a fresh start is being offered to me in this respect. I cannot change the past, I cannot take back harsh words, rough touches, and lost chances to love as I should have. The devil would have me dwell on my shortcomings, and lose sight of what the Lord edges me and the Holy Spirit whispers encouragement towards: the path of righteousness. I have before me the supreme opportunity. You know you hear people ask What would you do if you had a million dollars? Well, potentially, I have a much more costly and relevant possession. I have a million minutes. Lord willing, I have the future, I have my children's future, my marriage's future, my family's future, and how I spend that matters so much more than any amount of dollars and cents. Being a good steward of my time, of my thoughts, of my love, is of infinitely more value than my being a good steward of anything else. And those things have been spoken for. They do not belong to me. They are my Lord's, they are my husband's, and they are my children, in that order. I pray that the Lord would continue to encourage my shaky efforts at this most worthy of endeavors.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Oh my, it has been so incredibly long since I have blogged and blogged faithfully, and I fear that this will only be a short remission. We had thanksgiving, we had Christmas..(well the Buchan family Christmas anyway) and now I am getting ready for the real Christmas. We've all been very sick, back and forth, although I believe I may now confidently say that we are on the upside of it all.
Having been forced to take a break from being online made me wonder how I had time to be online so much before. I really can get so consumed by it all, checking in at w@h, and chatting and emailing and blogging and all, but really, should I be spending that kind of time "away" from my home and family? This is a question I don't really know the answer to, but I feel inclined towards answering "..mmm, not so much." I find it always a struggle to keep up with housework and childcare and teaching and loving on my dear children, should I really be taking time for myself? On the one hand, I believe the case could be made that I am learning, networking, praying more and being blessed by interacting with my friends online. But, the case could also be made for my being neglectful of my first charge: to care for my home and family. Perhaps striking a balance between the two is needed, or better yet, becoming proficient and efficient enough to be able to adequately accomplish both. My question is....how do all those other women do it?!?!?!? Please, if you are reading this. let me know.
My "blogerversary" came and went. It had been a year in November since I started blogging. I fully intended to go back and reread all I had written, and make some sage (haha) reflections on how much I have learned in the last year, but like so many of my goals, it fell by the wayside in favor of just getting through the day to day things. I know last year at this time I was very great with child and impatiently awaiting his (I really thought it was going to be a boy!) arrival. Which of course makes me reflect on the preciousness of my baby girl and what she means. The time directly before her conception was the rockiest bit of my marriage, and our relationship was poised on the edge of a knife. I could have left forever, it could have been over. Instead, the Lord brought healing, and hope and love and a baby. Grace was conceived (unintentionally on our parts!) on our recommitment to each other and to the Lord in our marriage. Isn't the Lord good? Every time I look at her, I feel a little twinge in the back of my heart, just to think of all she represents.
Now we are getting ready for a baby girl 1st birthday party, and a big brother 4th birthday party, and loving on poor summer-baby, middle child Ian all the time. Speaking of Ian, Nathan and I have started to become a bit concerned with his development. The vacancy in his sweet eyes that always shine so bright has not been replaced with the curious, learning mindset that maybe it should be, and if I were to be honest, I would have to say that it is starting to make me wonder if perhaps the Lord didn't make him a bit slow. I don't know anything for sure yet, and perhaps this is all just foolishness, (which I hope), but several things have seemed to start adding up to make us think perhaps he will be slightly special, or at least a bit delayed. My main concern is that we are trying to hold him accountable for things that he doesn't really have the capacity to do, and I don't want to be needlessly correcting him. We are praying about whether or not we should try to have him tested in some way, or just wait and see.
I have a few Christmas presents still to buy, for my dad and my grandfather, and I need to finish up several projects for people for presents. I still don't have much for Nathan for Christmas. I really would love to get him an ipod, but they are so expensive!!! I have George done, birthday and Christmas, and something for Grace's birthday, but nothing for Ian or Grace for Christmas yet.
Well, Esther and Jer are coming over for pizza, hot tub, and Cranium tonight, so I should get a little housework done while I can. I really will try to be better about blogging while I can, before we make the long trek north for Christmas. I am so excited to be in Maine for Christmas. The drive, I could do without, but that's okay.
Having been forced to take a break from being online made me wonder how I had time to be online so much before. I really can get so consumed by it all, checking in at w@h, and chatting and emailing and blogging and all, but really, should I be spending that kind of time "away" from my home and family? This is a question I don't really know the answer to, but I feel inclined towards answering "..mmm, not so much." I find it always a struggle to keep up with housework and childcare and teaching and loving on my dear children, should I really be taking time for myself? On the one hand, I believe the case could be made that I am learning, networking, praying more and being blessed by interacting with my friends online. But, the case could also be made for my being neglectful of my first charge: to care for my home and family. Perhaps striking a balance between the two is needed, or better yet, becoming proficient and efficient enough to be able to adequately accomplish both. My question is....how do all those other women do it?!?!?!? Please, if you are reading this. let me know.
My "blogerversary" came and went. It had been a year in November since I started blogging. I fully intended to go back and reread all I had written, and make some sage (haha) reflections on how much I have learned in the last year, but like so many of my goals, it fell by the wayside in favor of just getting through the day to day things. I know last year at this time I was very great with child and impatiently awaiting his (I really thought it was going to be a boy!) arrival. Which of course makes me reflect on the preciousness of my baby girl and what she means. The time directly before her conception was the rockiest bit of my marriage, and our relationship was poised on the edge of a knife. I could have left forever, it could have been over. Instead, the Lord brought healing, and hope and love and a baby. Grace was conceived (unintentionally on our parts!) on our recommitment to each other and to the Lord in our marriage. Isn't the Lord good? Every time I look at her, I feel a little twinge in the back of my heart, just to think of all she represents.
Now we are getting ready for a baby girl 1st birthday party, and a big brother 4th birthday party, and loving on poor summer-baby, middle child Ian all the time. Speaking of Ian, Nathan and I have started to become a bit concerned with his development. The vacancy in his sweet eyes that always shine so bright has not been replaced with the curious, learning mindset that maybe it should be, and if I were to be honest, I would have to say that it is starting to make me wonder if perhaps the Lord didn't make him a bit slow. I don't know anything for sure yet, and perhaps this is all just foolishness, (which I hope), but several things have seemed to start adding up to make us think perhaps he will be slightly special, or at least a bit delayed. My main concern is that we are trying to hold him accountable for things that he doesn't really have the capacity to do, and I don't want to be needlessly correcting him. We are praying about whether or not we should try to have him tested in some way, or just wait and see.
I have a few Christmas presents still to buy, for my dad and my grandfather, and I need to finish up several projects for people for presents. I still don't have much for Nathan for Christmas. I really would love to get him an ipod, but they are so expensive!!! I have George done, birthday and Christmas, and something for Grace's birthday, but nothing for Ian or Grace for Christmas yet.
Well, Esther and Jer are coming over for pizza, hot tub, and Cranium tonight, so I should get a little housework done while I can. I really will try to be better about blogging while I can, before we make the long trek north for Christmas. I am so excited to be in Maine for Christmas. The drive, I could do without, but that's okay.
Friday, November 11, 2005
I am back and finally taking time to blog. We took our big vacation, driving to Hilton Head Island Saturday and leaving Sunday to drive to Orlando. The boys enjoyed the beach at Hilton Head very much, and I got some cute pictures. The drive was only slightly miserable. We were very happy to get to our little "villa" in Davenport, actually about 3o minutes outside of Orlando. The house was very convenient, with plenty of space for everyone and it was nice. We swam in the pool the first day we were there, and then discovered that the previous renters must have had the pool heat turned on, because it turned very cool after that day. Nate went to his convention Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday he took the boys ticket hunting and they drove around and talked to differant discount places until they found one that would give very discounted tickets to your choice of theme parks if you went on their timeshare tour. So, we did that on Thursday and smiled and nodded and said no thankyou very much, and walked away with three tickets to the Magic Kingdom for $70. Thursday night we went to a little amusement park called "Old Town" where Nate had gotten a coupon for a free ferris wheel ride for. It was fun, we did go on the ferris wheel, and walked around and looked at all the cute little shops, got ice cream and went on a merry go round, and Nate took George on go-carts, which they both loved. Ian and Grace and I cheered them on and took pictures as they whizzed by. I'm not sure which one was having more fun. :) Friday morning we packed up the kiddos and headed to Disney World. Let me just say a very deserved thankyou very much to Misty for insisting that we go. I had an entirely differant idea of how it would be in my head, and she was right, it was magical. I know George will talk about it forever. We went on lots of rides, looked at the beautiful surroundings and had one of the best days our family has ever enjoyed. It really is a wonderful place. We stayed all day, until the fireworks, and let me say, I think only Gandalf could have put on a better fireworks show. It was awesome. The kids did great, it wasn't very crowded, the weather was perfect, and I hope we get to go back again someday. Saturday we went to a breakfast buffet and then to the flea market and bought $2 Florida t-shirts. Sunday we left, and the drive home was slightly more miserable. But, we are agreed now that before we drive to Maine in December, we are buying a DVD player and window shades for the van. All in all, it was a wonderful vacation. We got to spend even more time together as a family than we have in, well, I can't even remember. I really hope we can take a vacation that long together every year. Nate grew a beard, which he looks absolutely delicious in, although he did trim it too short before he went back to work. I guess he's right, it does look more professional trimmed up, but doesn't looking like a sexy mountain man for your wife outweigh that?!? :P I had written before that I was struggling with my attitude about the vacation, and I have to give glory to God that He really did preserve a right attitude in me and through His strength to be patient and striving to be more self-less, it was a wonderful time.
Now, it's back to real life and oh my, houseguests for a week and a half are coming a week from Monday and I have meal planning and Thanksgiving shopping and planning to do, and Christmas presents to buy for the Buchan family Christmas, which will be right after Thanksgiving, and TON of deep cleaning, organizing, decorating, and shopping to do to get all of that accomplished. Then after that is all done, I will start getting ready, shopping, organizing for our trip to Maine. I love the holidays, and I am so excited for the season. I could be feeling overwhelmed right now, I mean, I have a hard time keeping my head above water when there is nothing extra going on, but I am going to focus on the positives, try to stay as organized and plan ahead as much as I can, and I refuse to stress out about what I cannot get done. I plan on asking for specific help from Nathan and my mother in law, and of course, the Creator of peace, my Lord. Peace, that is what I crave, and this time of year, it seems so scarce and yet needed so much more than at any other time. Perhaps I just need to change my definition of peace, and concede that it must have to happen amidst chaos, or not at all, because those are the terms around here. :) I am not doing a Christmas letter, I am going to wait until after Christmas and do a New Years letter with a picture of our family from Christmas, so that is one thing off my plate, or at least moved to a differant one. ****I had to take a break and change two very poopy diapers and help George put his costume on.****None of the kids did end up taking a nap after we got back here at about 3ish. We went to four differant thrift and consignment stores this morning trying to find a winter coat for Joel before we went to have lunch with the Calkins today. We also stopped in to see Daddy for a minute, much to the delight of all the kids, and myself, of course. He's got three people he's interviewing this afternoon that hopefully will help the master restructuring at Brown's that Nathan has in mind. We'll see. Okay, I must go, miles to go before I sleep and all that, haha. :P
Now, it's back to real life and oh my, houseguests for a week and a half are coming a week from Monday and I have meal planning and Thanksgiving shopping and planning to do, and Christmas presents to buy for the Buchan family Christmas, which will be right after Thanksgiving, and TON of deep cleaning, organizing, decorating, and shopping to do to get all of that accomplished. Then after that is all done, I will start getting ready, shopping, organizing for our trip to Maine. I love the holidays, and I am so excited for the season. I could be feeling overwhelmed right now, I mean, I have a hard time keeping my head above water when there is nothing extra going on, but I am going to focus on the positives, try to stay as organized and plan ahead as much as I can, and I refuse to stress out about what I cannot get done. I plan on asking for specific help from Nathan and my mother in law, and of course, the Creator of peace, my Lord. Peace, that is what I crave, and this time of year, it seems so scarce and yet needed so much more than at any other time. Perhaps I just need to change my definition of peace, and concede that it must have to happen amidst chaos, or not at all, because those are the terms around here. :) I am not doing a Christmas letter, I am going to wait until after Christmas and do a New Years letter with a picture of our family from Christmas, so that is one thing off my plate, or at least moved to a differant one. ****I had to take a break and change two very poopy diapers and help George put his costume on.****None of the kids did end up taking a nap after we got back here at about 3ish. We went to four differant thrift and consignment stores this morning trying to find a winter coat for Joel before we went to have lunch with the Calkins today. We also stopped in to see Daddy for a minute, much to the delight of all the kids, and myself, of course. He's got three people he's interviewing this afternoon that hopefully will help the master restructuring at Brown's that Nathan has in mind. We'll see. Okay, I must go, miles to go before I sleep and all that, haha. :P
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Baby, it's cold outside.......well, almost, LOL. For this wimped out ex-northerner it feels cold, and I am loving it!!Now I just have to get my winter coat out of the basement of the other house and I'll be all set. I went to Suzanne's Southern Living at home party tonight. It was fun and her house is soooo beautiful. She is one of those uber talented decorating people with the smarts and funds to make things look great. I can only imagine. I totally surprised myself and actually booked a party for the spring. I never thought I would host a Southern Living party, they just seem way too posh and high class for little backwoodsy me and my stained carpet, poorly decorated house, but I did it! I recruited the help of some of my more posh and high class friends to help me, though. I told Nate it would just be a dream come true to have new flooring by then. He said dream on, LOL. Even if we had the money, he wouldn't have the time to do it. Okay, after all the fluff and yummy food at Suzanne's would you believe I am gorging myself on chocolate kisses right now?!?!? duh..... I think I have finally stopped my slow after baby weight loss and if I want to change my size any now, I will actually have to get off my butt and work for it. I bought some jeans at the consignment store a few weeks ago, and they fit so well, I bought some more of the same brand on ebay last week. I bought a smaller size, thinking that I would hopefully fit into them in a month or so and they would be my inspiration, but they fit me fine now. Oh well. I also bought some jeans at Goodwill. Now, lest I seem extremely frivolous here, I have to put that I spend a grand total of about $9.50 on all three pair. And my other jeans were getting a bit baggy.
I got a lot done today. Our bedroom had just been swamped with clothes, our winter things I had gotten out, about three loads of clean laundry and two dirty and of course, Nate's ever growing pile. (which his socks don't usually end up in, but instead I find them under the computer desk, beside the lazyboy, under the kitchen table, etc...:P) But today, I went through everything and sorted, folded, put away, washed, dried, and the whole cycle again to it all. I even organized Grace's stuff and our closet, which was getting to be a total wreck. I got the living room, kitchen and boys room cleaned too. Now, getting all of that done should make me feel really productive and useful and like I had accomplished something successful, right? But instead, on days like today, I usually just end up feeling emotionally wrung out because I basically have to ignore and not play with or read to or even interact much with my children all day. I can not do both. With the ages and stages that my kids are at, I usually have to choose to either be with them, or get things done. It is almost impossible to do both. Do you see why I am stressed out and frustrated most of the time? Now usually, I choose to be with my children, but just even meeting their physical needs, diapering, changing, feeding, bathing, caring for them in that way takes us most of my time, let alone any real, bonding interaction. I think I keep waiting for it to get easier, and it only gets harder.
Ian and I had a battle at lunch time today. I sat him down with a plate of cut up cucumbers with dip on them, which he has loved in the past, and he just started screaming. It was obvious that he did not want them. After talking calmy to him and trying to get him to do the same (haha) I just picked him up and put him in his bed. When he stopped howling, I took him out, sat him down again and asked him to eat his food. He started sucking the ranch dressing off the cucumbers and when I told him he had to bite it, he started howling again. So, I put him back in his bed again. He raged for about 10 minutes, and when he was done, I got him out and sat him down again, and this time he did take a few bites in between screaming. While this whole saga with Ian was going on, I was making George's plate of veggies, then his PB and J, and feeding Gracie her yogurt, which was interspersed with her screaming everytime I got up to help one of the boys. By the last time I sat Ian down, the other two were done, and may I just praise the Lord here and thank Him for bringing to mind that I should make a point of praising George for being so good and eating his food. I could tell it meant sooo much to George when I sat down next to him and hugged him and thanked him for doing so well. With he and Ian, it is usually the other way around. So, I brought the other kids out into the living room and we were playing and when I went back to check on Ian a few minutes later, he had thrown all his cucumbers on the floor. This was obviously disobedient and rebellious, but had the added stigma of wasting food, which Nate has deemed in our house to be tantamount to burning books, so we always make a big deal out of it. I told him exactly what he had done wrong and slapped his little hand and then made him pick up all the mess, and sent him away from the table. At which point he started into the raging howls again because I wouldn't let him have anymore food. I know I really need to pick my battles carefully, and really, I do not need one more thing in my day to keep on top of when it would be soooo much easier to just give him yogurt or whatever he wants instead of what I give him, but I am not going to reinforce picky eating behaviour when I know he is capable and has been willing in the past to eat whatever I put in front of him. So, this was the first big battle of the food wills with Ian. I am still going through it with George, although I have to say that with prayer and some good advice, that area is causing much less stress on everyone involved now. I have said before that two of the biggest frustrations of motherhood are that you cannot make a child eat, and you cannot make a child sleep, even when you know that both, in their proper amount and timing are paramount to your child's health and wellbeing. Just one more thing to not let myself get stressed out over, I suppose.
Speaking of getting stressed out, I had a talk with Nathan last night about my attitude concerning this trip we are going on on Saturday. We are driving about 5 hours to Savannah, where we are staying at one of those "stay at our hotel free and listen to our timeshare pitch" places, then driving Sunday to Orlando. In Orlando, we will be staying at a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house for about a week, during which time, Nate will go to the National Pool and Spa convention. On our way home the following Saturday, we will be staying at the same hotel in Savannah again, then coming home Sunday. Last night I told Nate that to be perfectly honest with him, I was not looking forward to this trip. Mostly because it will be me at home (although not our home) alone with the kids while he's gone all day and some evenings. I can do that here in my own environment with a ton less preparation, disruption of schedule, and stress. Now that was my negative feelings on the whole matter. The truth, and what I need to continue to focus on is this: He could have decided to go alone, or with someone else from work to this and be gone that whole time. He could have decided not to go at all and forgo the opportunity for our family to spend more time together than normal and to make some great memories. And, the fact is that he has been looking forward to this for months and is very excited about going, and it is selfish of me to not support him in that. Truly, that is what it comes down to: sinful, self-centered, prideful selfishness. I have here the opportunity to make this a positive, fun trip that will be a blessing to everyone, or to hold onto my negativity and selfishness and make it miserable for everyone. I decided last night that I am done thinking negatively about it, and I will be excited. I refuse to get stressed out about it, and I will do everything in my power to make it as pleasant and blessed for everyone as I can. I am writing this here as a point of accountability. If you read this, please pray that I will be able to carry out this mindset of being a blessing, and not fall into being a hindering wretch. Of course, I am also premenstrual, which helps out my mindset sooo much, of course. I have started my period on the 30th of the month the last 3 months and that will be day two of traveling for us. Oh joy.
Well, lest I end this on a negative note, I do have all my sisters in law bought for for Christmas, and have specific ideas for several other people. So, that is encouraging!!!
I got a lot done today. Our bedroom had just been swamped with clothes, our winter things I had gotten out, about three loads of clean laundry and two dirty and of course, Nate's ever growing pile. (which his socks don't usually end up in, but instead I find them under the computer desk, beside the lazyboy, under the kitchen table, etc...:P) But today, I went through everything and sorted, folded, put away, washed, dried, and the whole cycle again to it all. I even organized Grace's stuff and our closet, which was getting to be a total wreck. I got the living room, kitchen and boys room cleaned too. Now, getting all of that done should make me feel really productive and useful and like I had accomplished something successful, right? But instead, on days like today, I usually just end up feeling emotionally wrung out because I basically have to ignore and not play with or read to or even interact much with my children all day. I can not do both. With the ages and stages that my kids are at, I usually have to choose to either be with them, or get things done. It is almost impossible to do both. Do you see why I am stressed out and frustrated most of the time? Now usually, I choose to be with my children, but just even meeting their physical needs, diapering, changing, feeding, bathing, caring for them in that way takes us most of my time, let alone any real, bonding interaction. I think I keep waiting for it to get easier, and it only gets harder.
Ian and I had a battle at lunch time today. I sat him down with a plate of cut up cucumbers with dip on them, which he has loved in the past, and he just started screaming. It was obvious that he did not want them. After talking calmy to him and trying to get him to do the same (haha) I just picked him up and put him in his bed. When he stopped howling, I took him out, sat him down again and asked him to eat his food. He started sucking the ranch dressing off the cucumbers and when I told him he had to bite it, he started howling again. So, I put him back in his bed again. He raged for about 10 minutes, and when he was done, I got him out and sat him down again, and this time he did take a few bites in between screaming. While this whole saga with Ian was going on, I was making George's plate of veggies, then his PB and J, and feeding Gracie her yogurt, which was interspersed with her screaming everytime I got up to help one of the boys. By the last time I sat Ian down, the other two were done, and may I just praise the Lord here and thank Him for bringing to mind that I should make a point of praising George for being so good and eating his food. I could tell it meant sooo much to George when I sat down next to him and hugged him and thanked him for doing so well. With he and Ian, it is usually the other way around. So, I brought the other kids out into the living room and we were playing and when I went back to check on Ian a few minutes later, he had thrown all his cucumbers on the floor. This was obviously disobedient and rebellious, but had the added stigma of wasting food, which Nate has deemed in our house to be tantamount to burning books, so we always make a big deal out of it. I told him exactly what he had done wrong and slapped his little hand and then made him pick up all the mess, and sent him away from the table. At which point he started into the raging howls again because I wouldn't let him have anymore food. I know I really need to pick my battles carefully, and really, I do not need one more thing in my day to keep on top of when it would be soooo much easier to just give him yogurt or whatever he wants instead of what I give him, but I am not going to reinforce picky eating behaviour when I know he is capable and has been willing in the past to eat whatever I put in front of him. So, this was the first big battle of the food wills with Ian. I am still going through it with George, although I have to say that with prayer and some good advice, that area is causing much less stress on everyone involved now. I have said before that two of the biggest frustrations of motherhood are that you cannot make a child eat, and you cannot make a child sleep, even when you know that both, in their proper amount and timing are paramount to your child's health and wellbeing. Just one more thing to not let myself get stressed out over, I suppose.
Speaking of getting stressed out, I had a talk with Nathan last night about my attitude concerning this trip we are going on on Saturday. We are driving about 5 hours to Savannah, where we are staying at one of those "stay at our hotel free and listen to our timeshare pitch" places, then driving Sunday to Orlando. In Orlando, we will be staying at a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house for about a week, during which time, Nate will go to the National Pool and Spa convention. On our way home the following Saturday, we will be staying at the same hotel in Savannah again, then coming home Sunday. Last night I told Nate that to be perfectly honest with him, I was not looking forward to this trip. Mostly because it will be me at home (although not our home) alone with the kids while he's gone all day and some evenings. I can do that here in my own environment with a ton less preparation, disruption of schedule, and stress. Now that was my negative feelings on the whole matter. The truth, and what I need to continue to focus on is this: He could have decided to go alone, or with someone else from work to this and be gone that whole time. He could have decided not to go at all and forgo the opportunity for our family to spend more time together than normal and to make some great memories. And, the fact is that he has been looking forward to this for months and is very excited about going, and it is selfish of me to not support him in that. Truly, that is what it comes down to: sinful, self-centered, prideful selfishness. I have here the opportunity to make this a positive, fun trip that will be a blessing to everyone, or to hold onto my negativity and selfishness and make it miserable for everyone. I decided last night that I am done thinking negatively about it, and I will be excited. I refuse to get stressed out about it, and I will do everything in my power to make it as pleasant and blessed for everyone as I can. I am writing this here as a point of accountability. If you read this, please pray that I will be able to carry out this mindset of being a blessing, and not fall into being a hindering wretch. Of course, I am also premenstrual, which helps out my mindset sooo much, of course. I have started my period on the 30th of the month the last 3 months and that will be day two of traveling for us. Oh joy.
Well, lest I end this on a negative note, I do have all my sisters in law bought for for Christmas, and have specific ideas for several other people. So, that is encouraging!!!
Monday, October 24, 2005
I have finally gotten pictures posted and am writing about my fantabulous time out with Misty and meeting Holly and Cheri and Anna Elizabeth. We had so much fun. And may I just say that although Cheri looks supermodelish enough in her pictures, they just do not do her justice. And that girl looks gooooooood for having a baby just 3 months ago!!! Speaking of AE, she is so sweet and adorable. Cheri is snarkely funny and so totally real like you would not believe. I wish she were here all the time. I loved meeting Holly. She was so cute in her little glasses and orange sweatshirt, and just cracked us all up. She showed up saying to someone on her cell phone "...yes, I'm having supper with people I've never met before...no, I'm sure it'll be fine." LOL We talked, we laughed, we made the little girl behind the counter actually wait on us, (gasp) and then Cheri even made her smile. I think they were thinking we weren't ever going to leave, when the manager came out and started smacking the welcome mat down on the floor and trying to bribe us with Outback gift cards. So, finally we made our way to the door and went our seperate ways. Well, I tried to go my way, but my truck wouldn't start. Luckily Misty was still there and tried to give me a jump to no avail, so we went to the coffee shop next door and waited for my darling person to come save the day. After about half of my raspberry royale decaf, Nathan showed up and started the truck right away. Apparantly, I couldn't start it because I hadn't pushed the clutch in far enough.....alright you are now entitled to really laugh out loud, fall off your chair laughing your butt of, and other things of that nature.
I have sooo much to do this week, to get ready for our big trip. We are leaving Saturday, and I need to get everything done by Friday night....cleaning, laundry, organizing, meal planning, packing and all that goes along with it. I've started making my lists of what I need to buy, pack, bring for the van, etc. I have to go to Awana Wednesday night and Bible study Thursday, then Friday morning I am picking up the kids pictures and making my last trip to Wal-mart ever!!! I am so disgusted with them. After coming back on day 4 and day 5 after doing 2 day pictures, and still not being able to get them, I noticed the new feature in the checkout aisle...tv screens right in front of your heads, showing among other things music videos of half-dressed girating women. Like I want my kids to see that!!!! So, that is it, I am done. Besides the fact that it is almost impossible to actually get any real shopping done there with three wild children to take care of who are constantly trying to pack the cart with whatever they can reach, unpack the cart of whatever I have put in it, step on, grab and pull whatever of their siblings they can get a hold of, shreik at the top of their lungs and pee all over the world all at the same time...yeah, I don't think I'll be going there with them again anytime soon. Well, I have much to do and need to get on it, so I will say goodbye......Happy Monday!!!!
I have sooo much to do this week, to get ready for our big trip. We are leaving Saturday, and I need to get everything done by Friday night....cleaning, laundry, organizing, meal planning, packing and all that goes along with it. I've started making my lists of what I need to buy, pack, bring for the van, etc. I have to go to Awana Wednesday night and Bible study Thursday, then Friday morning I am picking up the kids pictures and making my last trip to Wal-mart ever!!! I am so disgusted with them. After coming back on day 4 and day 5 after doing 2 day pictures, and still not being able to get them, I noticed the new feature in the checkout aisle...tv screens right in front of your heads, showing among other things music videos of half-dressed girating women. Like I want my kids to see that!!!! So, that is it, I am done. Besides the fact that it is almost impossible to actually get any real shopping done there with three wild children to take care of who are constantly trying to pack the cart with whatever they can reach, unpack the cart of whatever I have put in it, step on, grab and pull whatever of their siblings they can get a hold of, shreik at the top of their lungs and pee all over the world all at the same time...yeah, I don't think I'll be going there with them again anytime soon. Well, I have much to do and need to get on it, so I will say goodbye......Happy Monday!!!!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Well, I finally posted pictures that I have been meaning to for forever. I can't believe how much Grace has grown lately. I measured all the kids the other day and looked them up on an online growth percentile calculator. Grace was in about 90th percentile, Ian was 75th to 80th, and George was in 74th for height and about 24th for weight, poor scrawny kid!! :P I know those charts don't mean much, I was just curious. I am so excited about tonight, I will be meeting Cheri and Holly, and going out with Misty means a funtime anytime, so it should be great. I'll probably post pictures of that, too. I have noticed lately that I have been getting a lot of hits, and no one has left me a comment in a really long time. (Okay, except Misty, because I begged her to!) It makes me very curious to know who is reading. So, if you read this, please take a second to just say hi in the comment line. Thankyou!!!
Monday, October 17, 2005
I started in Matthew. With the first words of Christ recorded there. The red words, the scarlet thread of redemption. Sometimes do you just feel that inward urging, the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit leading you and so gently guiding you into truth? I did today. As I said, I started in Matthew 5, and read the "sermon on the mount."
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
In reading this familiar passage, it really struck me that the circumstances, and state of the heart do not render the blessing, but rather the response of the Lord to the state of the heart. Ownership of the kingdom of Heaven, given by God; Comfort from God; Inheritance from God; Filling with righteousness from God; Obtaining of mercy from God; Being able to see God; and then being called the children of God. When I got to verse 9, something started niggling in my thoughts, a thread to be pursued, and I followed the cross reference to Romans 8. But, ssomewhere before reading Matthew 5, I had followed a reference to Deuteronomy, Hosea, then Psalms, and had ended up in Galatians. It all came together finally, but this is what Galatians 5:16 and following says:
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. And how can I really be led of the Spirit? Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Again, inheritance of the kingdom of God, which Jesus said will go to the poor in spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Law, this got me thinking of Romans, and wouldn't you know..that is where I ended up? And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. How do I really do this? How do I crucify the flesh? Mortify and cease to 'sow' to the carnal flesh? If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Cross reference here to I Corinthians 11:28 which talks about 'examining yourself', before partaking of the Lord's supper: a clue here to how to crucify my flesh.. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."
And it ended up talking again about not feeding the carnal flesh but feeding the Spirit, sowing to the flesh reaping corruption but sowing to the Spirit reaping life. Then I read the passage in Matthew and followed it to Romans, again with the Holy Spirit impressing upon my mind the thread of sowing, the avenue towards real blessing, the key to life, real life, through crucifying my flesh. This is what Romans says in chapter 8:
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. And this walking would reap the fruit of the Spirit... For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; Mind, mind, taking every thought captive, not keeping in my mind the 'things of the flesh' but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: This made me think back to the passage in Matthew: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. Is this saying that we can increase the vitality of the Spirit within us by our obeying the Lord's commands and living righteously? But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken, make alive, your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. I believe that God's definition of life is so different from our own. To Him, life is the life of being led by and producing the fruit of the Spirit, through crucifying the flesh, daily dieing to self and cultivating, sowing in righteousness. There is another form of life, our human perspective on it, which will always be tainted by the sin inherent in the world we live in, and I believe this is the life talked of that is not able to separate us from the love of Christ, but which we so often allow to do so. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: So, from what Jesus said in Matthew, we must be peacemakers. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; Meek, inheriting the earth.. if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Here the Lord just smote my heart with conviction and shame, for any 'suffering' that I endure hardly even can qualify as such, and 'suffering', again hardly even, would only be my actually crucifying and being dead to the temptations of my flesh, and listening and living through the Spirit within me, which I so, so often fail to do. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. Wow. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, I believe this groaning to be the daily struggle of the flesh warring against the Spirit of God within us... waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: How amazing for God to have provided for our every weakness... for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Even when we do not know what the will of God is the Spirit does, and He is praying for us, interceeding on our behalf for it to be accomplished. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? The only question and answer that really matters. He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Wisdom, strength, and the possibility to accomplish whatever God calls us to... Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. The Spirit makes intercession for us, and so does the Son...what excuse do I ever have for not heeding, and succeeding? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, in reading this, I thought it strange that life would be counted as something that might separate us from the love of Christ, but I believe this to be the life that we would live in the flesh.. nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen and Amen!!
I could feel in my spirit the fulfillment of what the Lord wanted to teach me today, what I have been halfheartedly seeking in the last few days, and just not feeling a culmination to my search. Obviously I had been working, living in the flesh, and not taking advantage of the willingness of the Holy Spirit within me to guide me into all truth. I could never express enough the Scriptures' complete end and beginning of all that we need.
II Peter 1:2-4 "Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."
Can our response be anything but wholehearted devotion, a complete and utter falling away from anything that might detract from following wholeheartedly this calling, this life that we are called to live? Sadly, in myself, I too often see mediocrity, apathy, and hard hearted ignoring of what I know to be true. It makes you wonder what our Heavenly Father's response to this is. Or maybe I could guess. Is it wrath, anger at the affront to His holiness, the disregarding of His Son's sacrifice on Calvary? Or is it sadness, consummate grief at my unwillingness to live the full, rich life that He is offering? Because He says that I am an heir, a joint heir with Christ, I am called His child. When my child disobeys, chooses to do things that harm himself or chooses not to take advantage of what I have provided for his blessing, it makes me sad. Sometimes in my flesh, it makes me angry, but it is never a righteous anger. When my heart is right, my response to my errant child is sadness. Whatever God's response, I know what my course of action should be, and I know that He has provided all I need to accomplish what He calls me to today.
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
In reading this familiar passage, it really struck me that the circumstances, and state of the heart do not render the blessing, but rather the response of the Lord to the state of the heart. Ownership of the kingdom of Heaven, given by God; Comfort from God; Inheritance from God; Filling with righteousness from God; Obtaining of mercy from God; Being able to see God; and then being called the children of God. When I got to verse 9, something started niggling in my thoughts, a thread to be pursued, and I followed the cross reference to Romans 8. But, ssomewhere before reading Matthew 5, I had followed a reference to Deuteronomy, Hosea, then Psalms, and had ended up in Galatians. It all came together finally, but this is what Galatians 5:16 and following says:
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. And how can I really be led of the Spirit? Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Again, inheritance of the kingdom of God, which Jesus said will go to the poor in spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Law, this got me thinking of Romans, and wouldn't you know..that is where I ended up? And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. How do I really do this? How do I crucify the flesh? Mortify and cease to 'sow' to the carnal flesh? If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Cross reference here to I Corinthians 11:28 which talks about 'examining yourself', before partaking of the Lord's supper: a clue here to how to crucify my flesh.. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."
And it ended up talking again about not feeding the carnal flesh but feeding the Spirit, sowing to the flesh reaping corruption but sowing to the Spirit reaping life. Then I read the passage in Matthew and followed it to Romans, again with the Holy Spirit impressing upon my mind the thread of sowing, the avenue towards real blessing, the key to life, real life, through crucifying my flesh. This is what Romans says in chapter 8:
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. And this walking would reap the fruit of the Spirit... For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; Mind, mind, taking every thought captive, not keeping in my mind the 'things of the flesh' but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: This made me think back to the passage in Matthew: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. Is this saying that we can increase the vitality of the Spirit within us by our obeying the Lord's commands and living righteously? But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken, make alive, your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. I believe that God's definition of life is so different from our own. To Him, life is the life of being led by and producing the fruit of the Spirit, through crucifying the flesh, daily dieing to self and cultivating, sowing in righteousness. There is another form of life, our human perspective on it, which will always be tainted by the sin inherent in the world we live in, and I believe this is the life talked of that is not able to separate us from the love of Christ, but which we so often allow to do so. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: So, from what Jesus said in Matthew, we must be peacemakers. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; Meek, inheriting the earth.. if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Here the Lord just smote my heart with conviction and shame, for any 'suffering' that I endure hardly even can qualify as such, and 'suffering', again hardly even, would only be my actually crucifying and being dead to the temptations of my flesh, and listening and living through the Spirit within me, which I so, so often fail to do. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. Wow. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, I believe this groaning to be the daily struggle of the flesh warring against the Spirit of God within us... waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: How amazing for God to have provided for our every weakness... for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Even when we do not know what the will of God is the Spirit does, and He is praying for us, interceeding on our behalf for it to be accomplished. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? The only question and answer that really matters. He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Wisdom, strength, and the possibility to accomplish whatever God calls us to... Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. The Spirit makes intercession for us, and so does the Son...what excuse do I ever have for not heeding, and succeeding? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, in reading this, I thought it strange that life would be counted as something that might separate us from the love of Christ, but I believe this to be the life that we would live in the flesh.. nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen and Amen!!
I could feel in my spirit the fulfillment of what the Lord wanted to teach me today, what I have been halfheartedly seeking in the last few days, and just not feeling a culmination to my search. Obviously I had been working, living in the flesh, and not taking advantage of the willingness of the Holy Spirit within me to guide me into all truth. I could never express enough the Scriptures' complete end and beginning of all that we need.
II Peter 1:2-4 "Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."
Can our response be anything but wholehearted devotion, a complete and utter falling away from anything that might detract from following wholeheartedly this calling, this life that we are called to live? Sadly, in myself, I too often see mediocrity, apathy, and hard hearted ignoring of what I know to be true. It makes you wonder what our Heavenly Father's response to this is. Or maybe I could guess. Is it wrath, anger at the affront to His holiness, the disregarding of His Son's sacrifice on Calvary? Or is it sadness, consummate grief at my unwillingness to live the full, rich life that He is offering? Because He says that I am an heir, a joint heir with Christ, I am called His child. When my child disobeys, chooses to do things that harm himself or chooses not to take advantage of what I have provided for his blessing, it makes me sad. Sometimes in my flesh, it makes me angry, but it is never a righteous anger. When my heart is right, my response to my errant child is sadness. Whatever God's response, I know what my course of action should be, and I know that He has provided all I need to accomplish what He calls me to today.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I wanted to write a bit of what was in my chapter this week for Bible study. We are reading "Home Making", by J.R. Miller. This chapter was entitled "The Wife's Part"
"Again, let me say that no wife can overestimate the influence she wields over her husbad, or the measure in which his character, his career and his very destiny are laid in her hands for shaping. The sway which she holds over him is the sway of love, but it is mighty and resistless. If she retains her power, if she holds her place as queen of his life, she can do with him as she will. Even unconsciously to herself, without any thought of her responsibility, she will exert over him an influence that will go far toward making or marring all his future. If she has no lofty conception of life herself, if she is vain and frivolous, she will only chill his ardor, weaken his resolution and draw him aside from any earnest endeavor. But if she has in her soul noble womany qualities, if she has true thoughts of life, is she has purpose, strength of character and fidelity to principle, she will be to him an unfailing inspiration toward all the is noble, manly and Christlike.
Her unwavering fidelity, her tender affectionateness, her womanly sympathy, her beauty of soul, will make her to him God's angel indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping , guiding and blessing him. Just in the measure in which she realizes this lofty ideal of wifehood will she fulfill her mission and reap the rich harvest of her hopes. Such is the 'woman's lot' that falls on every wife. It is solemn enough to make her very thoughtful and very earnest. How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life, not by any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband's duties and on manly character; she can do it only by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but what she herself is.
So it all comes back to a question of character. She can be a good wife only by being a good woman and she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere save in Christ can she find the wisdom and strength she needs to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming and empearling of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband's sight. Only Christ can teach her how to love so as to be blessed and a blessing in her married life."
It goes on to say that none but Christ will be sufficient to meet the trials and such that are inherant in this life and that "..with his benection and presence the flowers that droop today will bloom frsh again tomorrow, and the dreams of early love will build themselfves up into a Palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and the shelter of old age."
I had read the first part of the chapter last week, where it talked of the wife's first duty in being a keeper of her home, industrious, managing well all her husband entrusts to her in his home, and also of her charge to be generous and warm-hearted. That spoke to me and brought conviction and encouragement, but I did not read the rest until today. And today is when I needed it. Isn't it amazing how the Lord orchestrates even the tiny details of our lives to center our thoughts and our hearts upon Him and on what He would have us to learn and do and remain faithful to? It is humbling and fearful to realize that God loves me enough to pursue my attentions and my progress on this path toward being more like Christ.
"Again, let me say that no wife can overestimate the influence she wields over her husbad, or the measure in which his character, his career and his very destiny are laid in her hands for shaping. The sway which she holds over him is the sway of love, but it is mighty and resistless. If she retains her power, if she holds her place as queen of his life, she can do with him as she will. Even unconsciously to herself, without any thought of her responsibility, she will exert over him an influence that will go far toward making or marring all his future. If she has no lofty conception of life herself, if she is vain and frivolous, she will only chill his ardor, weaken his resolution and draw him aside from any earnest endeavor. But if she has in her soul noble womany qualities, if she has true thoughts of life, is she has purpose, strength of character and fidelity to principle, she will be to him an unfailing inspiration toward all the is noble, manly and Christlike.
Her unwavering fidelity, her tender affectionateness, her womanly sympathy, her beauty of soul, will make her to him God's angel indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping , guiding and blessing him. Just in the measure in which she realizes this lofty ideal of wifehood will she fulfill her mission and reap the rich harvest of her hopes. Such is the 'woman's lot' that falls on every wife. It is solemn enough to make her very thoughtful and very earnest. How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life, not by any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband's duties and on manly character; she can do it only by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but what she herself is.
So it all comes back to a question of character. She can be a good wife only by being a good woman and she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere save in Christ can she find the wisdom and strength she needs to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming and empearling of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband's sight. Only Christ can teach her how to love so as to be blessed and a blessing in her married life."
It goes on to say that none but Christ will be sufficient to meet the trials and such that are inherant in this life and that "..with his benection and presence the flowers that droop today will bloom frsh again tomorrow, and the dreams of early love will build themselfves up into a Palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and the shelter of old age."
I had read the first part of the chapter last week, where it talked of the wife's first duty in being a keeper of her home, industrious, managing well all her husband entrusts to her in his home, and also of her charge to be generous and warm-hearted. That spoke to me and brought conviction and encouragement, but I did not read the rest until today. And today is when I needed it. Isn't it amazing how the Lord orchestrates even the tiny details of our lives to center our thoughts and our hearts upon Him and on what He would have us to learn and do and remain faithful to? It is humbling and fearful to realize that God loves me enough to pursue my attentions and my progress on this path toward being more like Christ.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
It's Saturday afternoon. This morning I went to Goodwill and then Burger King with Amy, and our seven kids between us. Crazy, I know!!! It was fun, though, despite George trying on all the girlie belts at Goodwill, three nursing stops between us, screaming and running wild boys, and Amy's 18 month old getting stuck in the playplace at BK. That kind of chaos can either be sweet or suffering, and today it was sweet. Like kind of a I'm glad to be part of such vital madness kind of a thing. We hadn't seen each other in a while and it was good to visit the little bit that we could. We're already planning a slumber party, hehe, the next time one of our husbands goes out of town.
Okay, here's the part where this becomes more personal diary than out there on the internet for the world to see blog, but this is the best place to put this, so...
And here's the part where I finally finished writing what I started on Saturday and where I decided it was better left unpublished for the world to see and will only put in the last bit that I wrote, as a reminder of what the Lord laid on my heart and what He has called me to....
....And maybe I have said enough. Whether or not the Lord chooses to use my inept words to affect my husband's heart is not up to me, but I know what my path must be. If there is ever to be a real hunger for God, a thirsting for righteousness, a disregard for the world, in favor of the Lord, then prayer must be involved. Not that my prayers are anything special, but the One Who hears them is all powerful. I know that I have neglected this charge before, but I am making a fresh commitment today to pray for my husband. Not just "Lord bless him today..." but real, lay him on the altar for God, heart wrenching, faithful supplications. I know that my obeying the Lord in being what I should for Him may go a long way in helping my husband, but not more than my spending time on my knees for him. The Lord's power is ultimate, and only He can do the things that need to be done. I am resolved, and with the Lord's help, I will pray without ceasing. My flesh rears up at the thought of this, and I know my lazy nature will rebel, but greater is He that is in me....than me.
Okay, here's the part where this becomes more personal diary than out there on the internet for the world to see blog, but this is the best place to put this, so...
And here's the part where I finally finished writing what I started on Saturday and where I decided it was better left unpublished for the world to see and will only put in the last bit that I wrote, as a reminder of what the Lord laid on my heart and what He has called me to....
....And maybe I have said enough. Whether or not the Lord chooses to use my inept words to affect my husband's heart is not up to me, but I know what my path must be. If there is ever to be a real hunger for God, a thirsting for righteousness, a disregard for the world, in favor of the Lord, then prayer must be involved. Not that my prayers are anything special, but the One Who hears them is all powerful. I know that I have neglected this charge before, but I am making a fresh commitment today to pray for my husband. Not just "Lord bless him today..." but real, lay him on the altar for God, heart wrenching, faithful supplications. I know that my obeying the Lord in being what I should for Him may go a long way in helping my husband, but not more than my spending time on my knees for him. The Lord's power is ultimate, and only He can do the things that need to be done. I am resolved, and with the Lord's help, I will pray without ceasing. My flesh rears up at the thought of this, and I know my lazy nature will rebel, but greater is He that is in me....than me.
Friday, October 07, 2005
I really want to blog right now, but I have frittered away my computer time.. How about bullets
*Yesterday I cut the boys hair...think wrestling with scissors
*This morning Grace totally did the sign language for done and said "da" when she was done her breakfast
*Tonight, a nurse is coming to take my blood, AAAAAAAAAAA, for an exam for our life insurance,,,,yuck
*I WILL get to my hubby tonight before sleep gets him! I am resolved, LOL
*I love the new W@H fall format, super cool
*It's pouring rain...so no walk this morning
*Okay, I need to shower
*Yesterday I cut the boys hair...think wrestling with scissors
*This morning Grace totally did the sign language for done and said "da" when she was done her breakfast
*Tonight, a nurse is coming to take my blood, AAAAAAAAAAA, for an exam for our life insurance,,,,yuck
*I WILL get to my hubby tonight before sleep gets him! I am resolved, LOL
*I love the new W@H fall format, super cool
*It's pouring rain...so no walk this morning
*Okay, I need to shower
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
You are Ephesians.
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I thought this was interesting. As I was just reading my Awana leaders handbook for tonight and one of the questions asks us to write a Bible character whose temperament/personality best fits our own. I have no idea, (Now why isn't there a quiz for that? LOL) But reading sweet Nattie's blog, she had this quiz on there.
...Okay, there is a quiz out there for that, (courtesy of www.allthetests.com/quiz13) and it says:
You are Barnabas! You just wish everyone could get along. You seem to spend your life trying to mend other people's problems. Everyone likes you. But sometimes you feel like a bit of a doormat...
Alright, now I really have to go do my Awana stuff, since I have an answer to go from here. Interesting results, I wonder if I took it again if it would be differant. Hmm.....
Monday, October 03, 2005
There are some days, I feel encouraged, competent, confidant, enlightened, capable, like I've got it all under control. As time goes by, these days seem to be fleetingly fewer. Is this just the realization sinking in that I need, like I need air, to lean on the Only One Who really is in control, my Saviour? Or am I letting myself become burdened and discouraged, ensnared by the sins that so easily beset me? Now, every day, even the mountain top ones, I need to rely on my Lord, I need to seek His face, I need to bring every thought captive to Him....but how do I know when the pervading pall of incompetence I feel is from the Lord, brought to track my eyes back to God, or from the devil, seeking to deem my efforts as ultimately useless, so why try..? Or, do I really need to know?
Today I read some really encouraging things online, from the Choosing Home newsletter, really good, sweet, practical things. And instead of feeling inspired, I just felt far away. I subscribed to the newsletter because I felt I could identify with it, I stay at home, after all, I'm a full time Mama to my babies. But, the more I read of it, the more I realize how far away from them, and from the Biblical ideal I am. It seems as if the same sins keep dragging me down, the same efforts keep bringing minimal returns. What do I need to do? What do I need to change? How can I get there, or at least start really striving in the journey, from the dismal state I find myself in? I think I am not alone in wanting the quick fix, the magic key that will open the door to strength without reserve, wisdom without end, and quiet patience that never falters. I am committed to the journey and I love the path that I am on, but some days, it just seems like there must be some mistake, like God is going to look down and say "Oh, wait, did I really put HER in THAT spot? What was I thinking?' (Okay, I know that was extremely sacrilegious, but you know what I mean) And of course, this thought leads me back to what I know is true...that God does not make mistakes, that He knows the past and the future and exactly what is happening right now.....but that only brings it back to me...did I make a mistake? Should I have not gotten married and had children, and put myself in the position to be their primary caregiver? And of course, this just brings it back to God. Can He use our mistakes? Can He bring glory to Himself through even our worst human efforts? Can He guide and direct and keep His hand in the mix all the while we think we are affecting destiny? Of course. I know what the answer is here. It's the same answer that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whispers in my dull of hearing ears so often: Seek My face. Stay faithful to what I have called you, and stop letting the world, the flesh and the devil take precedence over Me.
I too often spend more time analyzing my downfalls than working on righting them. I am such a visual person, though, I think it helps me to see it written out, spelled out clearly where my cloudy mind can grasp it. You know if God spoke to us through billboards, bright orange ones...like: HEY, CHARITY...QUIT SCREWING UP!!! NOW GO DO......whatever. Yeah, that would be good. Like I said, I'm just always looking for the easy way out.
On another note, this morning all three of my little munchkins were playing so sweetly and quietly here with me. Grace is big enough to stand up and look out the window in the computer room to her great delight. George has come up with a great new "pirate ship" game to play with the megabloks, and Ian is loving playing with his little cars, as usual. Although, this afternoon, he spent a long time looking at books on George's bed. Maybe it's days like this when it all seems borderline idyllic, and then I go and read something that just throws so much conviction at me, I don't know what to do. It was like...Oh, you thought you were doing well, well guess again!! I know there's always room for improvement, sometimes I just get overwhelmed with trying to think of anything I am doing "right." I guess I need to get my eyes off myself again and get them back on my Lord, huh? Well, laundry beckons, I must go.
Today I read some really encouraging things online, from the Choosing Home newsletter, really good, sweet, practical things. And instead of feeling inspired, I just felt far away. I subscribed to the newsletter because I felt I could identify with it, I stay at home, after all, I'm a full time Mama to my babies. But, the more I read of it, the more I realize how far away from them, and from the Biblical ideal I am. It seems as if the same sins keep dragging me down, the same efforts keep bringing minimal returns. What do I need to do? What do I need to change? How can I get there, or at least start really striving in the journey, from the dismal state I find myself in? I think I am not alone in wanting the quick fix, the magic key that will open the door to strength without reserve, wisdom without end, and quiet patience that never falters. I am committed to the journey and I love the path that I am on, but some days, it just seems like there must be some mistake, like God is going to look down and say "Oh, wait, did I really put HER in THAT spot? What was I thinking?' (Okay, I know that was extremely sacrilegious, but you know what I mean) And of course, this thought leads me back to what I know is true...that God does not make mistakes, that He knows the past and the future and exactly what is happening right now.....but that only brings it back to me...did I make a mistake? Should I have not gotten married and had children, and put myself in the position to be their primary caregiver? And of course, this just brings it back to God. Can He use our mistakes? Can He bring glory to Himself through even our worst human efforts? Can He guide and direct and keep His hand in the mix all the while we think we are affecting destiny? Of course. I know what the answer is here. It's the same answer that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whispers in my dull of hearing ears so often: Seek My face. Stay faithful to what I have called you, and stop letting the world, the flesh and the devil take precedence over Me.
I too often spend more time analyzing my downfalls than working on righting them. I am such a visual person, though, I think it helps me to see it written out, spelled out clearly where my cloudy mind can grasp it. You know if God spoke to us through billboards, bright orange ones...like: HEY, CHARITY...QUIT SCREWING UP!!! NOW GO DO......whatever. Yeah, that would be good. Like I said, I'm just always looking for the easy way out.
On another note, this morning all three of my little munchkins were playing so sweetly and quietly here with me. Grace is big enough to stand up and look out the window in the computer room to her great delight. George has come up with a great new "pirate ship" game to play with the megabloks, and Ian is loving playing with his little cars, as usual. Although, this afternoon, he spent a long time looking at books on George's bed. Maybe it's days like this when it all seems borderline idyllic, and then I go and read something that just throws so much conviction at me, I don't know what to do. It was like...Oh, you thought you were doing well, well guess again!! I know there's always room for improvement, sometimes I just get overwhelmed with trying to think of anything I am doing "right." I guess I need to get my eyes off myself again and get them back on my Lord, huh? Well, laundry beckons, I must go.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
"Come on, Jonah, let's go, let's get on the pirate ship!!!" Spoken by George with a green bandana, AKA "pirate hat" on his head mimicing Larry the cucumber (of the Pirates-Who-Don't-Do-Anything), hauling Ian, AKA Jonah (Archibald Asparagus) onto the guest bed, AKA pirate ship, where they both sing at the top of their lungs the veggie tales songs. Yeah, it's fun at my house. :) Today was really the first day of fall, or well, it was the first day that started to feel fallish to me. It felt cooler, a slight crisp breeze in the air this morning, so I packed the kids up, (did you know you can fit three children in a double stroller?!?) and we went for a walk. Pine needles were falling, birds were singing, the trees were swaying in the light wind, it was fabulous!! The reason it felt more like fall is that it took me about 10 minutes to break into a sweat and not the usual 10 seconds. It was still like 75, but definitely the nicest day so far in a loooong time. And today was the first day that I truly appreciated where God moved us. We live on a quiet wooded dead end road, and have been here for a few months now but I had yet to realize what that meant. It means quiet, safe walks, no cars, and lots of trees and a horse pasture and a pretty little church and all three kids captivated and QUIET for a long time!!! And fun, stretching exercise, that I so need to get back into. Everyone enjoyed it. Our old house was at the end of a dirt road with lots of big dogs....not stroller or kid friendly for walking at all. We even got to go visit Grandpa, who was out working on his car. ****George just told me that he needs to run around the dog, who is laying in the middle of the floor, because it makes him "chilled up"****
I am so excited because tommorow morning we are going to go stay in a cute little cabin in Ellijay. When Nate comes home from work tonight, he doesn't have to go back until Wednesday!!! Let the slow season begin!!! It will be so great to be together for that long as a family. Everyone is looking forward to it so much. I have almost all the laundry done now and we'll just have leftovers for supper. I still need to pack everything and clean up some more, but that should be handily accomplished this evening. Oh, I can't wait. I just am really hoping the kids sleep allright while we are there. Cranky overtired children will spoil family time really quickly. Well, I must go, Nate might actually be home soon, oh and winter hours will start in October, then the store will be closed an hour earlier. That will be good. Well, the kids have completely destroyed the house and are working on each other now, so I have to go. Happy Weekend!!!
I am so excited because tommorow morning we are going to go stay in a cute little cabin in Ellijay. When Nate comes home from work tonight, he doesn't have to go back until Wednesday!!! Let the slow season begin!!! It will be so great to be together for that long as a family. Everyone is looking forward to it so much. I have almost all the laundry done now and we'll just have leftovers for supper. I still need to pack everything and clean up some more, but that should be handily accomplished this evening. Oh, I can't wait. I just am really hoping the kids sleep allright while we are there. Cranky overtired children will spoil family time really quickly. Well, I must go, Nate might actually be home soon, oh and winter hours will start in October, then the store will be closed an hour earlier. That will be good. Well, the kids have completely destroyed the house and are working on each other now, so I have to go. Happy Weekend!!!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)