caffeine???

I don't know why I can't sleep. Shouldn't someone who runs after a three year old, a one and a half year old and nurses a baby all day be exhausted by this time of night? The only thing I can think of is that there was caffeine in the yummy peach tea I had at Bible study. I had two glasses of it. I felt kind of detached tonight at Bible study. It was nice to go, although I hated being so late and missing the prayer time, and I really hate being a distraction to everyone with Grace. I liked this chapter, but need to spend more time on it. It was all about having focus and encouraged us to write a purpose statement for our lives. I think it's an excellent idea, and I want to do it. I really need to get some sleep, some friends are coming over in the morning. I would really like to get beyond the day to day here in blogworld, and write out some more deep musings, but it seems like I've kind of been living in the superficial lately, just trying to get by. I did get a lot more done today, as far as housework goes, and tried to interact with the boys more and not just let them veg their brains watching videos. Speaking of vegging brains, I have a confession to make. I don't know if I should even speak it, or I mean write it down. Well, let me give you some background to my dirty little secret addiction I just started feeding again today.

I am not good at many things. I'm a lousy housekeeper, I'm a terrible cook. I'm not very organized, my memory just totally fails me sometimes, numbers don't stick in my head, I get impatient with my children, I don't keep up with corresponding with people as I should. I could go on and on, but the gist is... I'm just not really GOOD at many things. Except that there is one silly, inconsequential thing that I am totally excellent at. I have never met anyone better than me at this, and I don't think I ever will. The problem with this "skill", if you can call it that, is that it is worthless. It has no real world value, other than to destress me and make me feel good about myself in a silly juvenile way. Do you want to know what it is? Tetris. I am amazingly talented at playing the original Nintendo game Tetris. I know, stupid. What on earth is a stay at home mother of three doing wasting her time playing NINTENDO?!?!?!? I asked myself that same question today. For Christmas, a dear friend of mine bought me an original nintendo because she had heard me say that I would love to play Tetris again sometime. I had been neighborhood champion of it as a teenager, and in getting nostalgic with my friend once, had mentioned that I enjoyed playing this game. So, she found an old Nintendo for me. It was actually pretty nice to get a present that had nothing to do with being a responsible mother. Then, I couldn't resist trying to find an old Tetris game on ebay. Nate said I could spend five dollars on one, and I kept checking for a cheap one. Then, last week, I found one, $5.24 with shipping. It arrived today. After getting the kitchen all cleaned up and the baby fed, and the boys down for their afternoon naps, I started playing. I told myself I was only going to play a few rounds of it, then do some more laundry or make some bread. But, once I got playing, I didn't want to stop. I had forgotten how much I liked playing it, and beating the pants off those wimpy high scores on there was pretty fun, too. I played it for over an hour!!! I know, total waste of time. I just get so zoned in on it, though, it was like I was back being a carefree teenager (not that I was carefree as a teenager), with no responsibilities, no demands on my time or attention, and where it was actually cool among my peers to have a skill that had no real worth. Maybe that's the attraction, I miss being good at something. Nate and I have had the conversation before that God really made him with talents suited for the job that he is in. He is a natural born organizer and has a real knack for streamlining and making more efficient whatever project or process he gets involved in. He is incredibly commited to his work, that's where his passion lays, and it has served him well. Then there's me. The role that God has given me is to be a wife and mother. I am so happy to be in that role, and wouldn't trade it for anything. I am so thankful to be able to love and support my husband and love and raise my children, but I don't think I am very well suited for it. As I said before, I am a lousy cook, I am a terrible housekeeper, I get impatient, and selfish, and frustrated with my children sometimes. I am not very organized, I can't remember things sometimes, and yet these are all things that I should be good at, because they are the things that God has called me to do. Why couldn't I be super organized? That would really help. Why can't I excel at cooking? Everyone in my family would love that. How come I can't be the patient, understanding mother teacher that I should be? Why is it that the only real talent I have found myself to have is playing a dumb game? You know, I think I've found the answer to my question. Maybe God didn't make me good at all those things that He has called me to do so that I would lean on Him to accomplish them. Maybe God knew that if I were naturally inclined to excell at and enjoy changing around 20 diapers a day, picking green beans off the floor, correcting my three year old for the same things over and over and over, picking up books and movies and toys and games over and over and over, doing dishes and laundry that never seem to be done, coming up with meals that everyone will eat and that still are good for them, and all the other things that go along with my role, that I wouldn't have any need to cry out to God on a daily basis that I need His help. I know I can't accomplish anything that I am required to do with any degree of success if I try to do it in my own strength. Maybe the process of getting better at all of those things is one of the ways that God is using to grow me to be more like Him. And maybe in the meantime, it will be okay if I take a break every now and then to play a little Tetris? I hope so.