It's Wednesday already. The week is flying by. Last week(s), I was just wishing the time would hurry up and go, so Nate would be done his shows and training and we could get to his day off, which I was so thankful that he actually took. It was nice to be with him all day on Valentine's Day. I was disappointed that he didn't like what I got him at all, though. I guess I was right, I just really have NO knack for thinking of things he would like. I have known this man for over 10 years, and loved him for over 9, and yet I still am so much at a loss when it comes to really pleasing him. I pray the Lord would open my blind eyes in this area, and really let me see how I can do better in this area. Meanwhile, my sweet husband got me a beautiful set of wind chimes (something I've wanted for a long time), and heart full of chocolate, and best of all, a sweet card with his precious words in it. It's been a long time since he's given me a card, and it really meant a lot to read what he wrote. It seems so easy these days to believe all the negative that the devil and my own mind would conjure up into my days, and it is priceless to me to have this concrete reminder of the truth that my husband does love and care for me. On Valentine's day, we took the kids out to eat, and then over to Nate's moms house, so Nathan and I could go over to Lowe's and pick out the bathtub and things for the bathroom downstairs. It was a lot of fun to think about that getting done, and taking steps towards its completion. It was kind of a bummer that I started feeling really bad while we were there. I keep on having these times of really feeling like I'm going to start a period, all crampy and bloated, and my back hurts, and I get really emotional. Well, I feel like getting all emotional, and it's hard not to do so. I was trying to stay positive and not let on that I wasn't feeling well, but it seemed like everything that came out of my mouth was offending or angering my husband. I was surprised at his reactions, becasue I wasn't meaning to sound negative, but I was. I started to feel better on the way back to get the boys and I apologized to him for sounding mean. He smirked and said I had been acting like a democrat, just being a negative obstructionist without offering any viable alternatives. We jokingly starting calling each other prominant democratic politicians in derision, (I know, we're dittohead dorks), and by the time we got to his moms house, we were in a better state of harmony. We stayed for dinner at his mom's. It was nice to be with his family, and I got out of cooking, too! :P Tonight is Awana, and am feeling really yucky today, and would really rather stay home, but I know one of the other leaders has to be out tonight, so I really have to be there.

On another note, I took my baby girl to the doctor last week, and she weighs over
13 lbs. now and is almost 25" long! She's already in size 2 diapers. Speaking of diapers, I am changing a lot less of them lately because, wonder of wonders...George is potty trained!!!! I really never thought he'd get it, but he's been doing so well! He still wears a pull-up at naptime and bedtime, but other than that, he's in underwear, and tells me when he has to go. It is such a blessing, and so nice to only have two in diapers to worry about again.

On the post partum depression thing, I do see a much greater propensity towards dark, despairing thoughts these days, which I know is not sin, but when I choose to dwell on and feed those thoughts, I have begun to sin. "When lust has conceived, it brings forth sin..." In this case, the lust of my flesh, my mind, is to head down that seductive path towards despair and withdrawal. The natural inclinations of my thoughts have changed towards negative self centeredness, and it becomes more of a struggle to dwell on what is true, lovely, pure and the like. I understand that this could hardly even be classified PPD, being so below the overwhelmingness of it that some experience. I think it just helps me to find a "reason" for my struggles, perhaps an "excuse." I have struggled with depression before, and know what it feels like to not be able to see any hope, any joy, any escape from the prison of your own dark thoughts. It has been a long time, though. Maybe that's why this is hard now, I have been so blessed that the Lord lifted that shroud from me and I have so enjoyed the sunshine of freedom from it for so long now. I know that whatever comes into my life is filtered through the hands of my loving Father, though, Who works all things together for good, and for His glory. My job is to keep my eyes on Him.