Wednesday morning.

I have to do something about George waking up so early. He was making noise before 7 this morning. Ian, and especially Nate and I would love to sleep in later. I got him an alarm clock yesterday, I will explain it to him today, and maybe tommorow morning will be better. I have no idea, though. I don't know if I should put him to bed earlier or later, neither seems to help. We got the second coat on the bedroom last night. I think I will definitely do a glaze or a wash or sponge painting to lighten up both colors. If we had better lighting in our bedroom, it wouldn't be so bad. Nate said something last night about recessed lighting. I think that would be fabulous, but who knows when it will ever get done. I am praying that we will be able to have the hot tub in the living room. I know the Lord can do it, and at the same time, I know that He might just want to be teaching me something by it not working out. I am really praying about this baby's positioning. He is consistently breech, only turning head down for short bits of time, at which time I get a terrible backache. At least I know he can go head down. Actually, in reality I have been worrying about it more than I have been praying, to my shame. Thursday night we are helping Tammy to set up for the Thanksgiving Tea, and celebrating Krista's birthday. I hope it goes well. I have AWANA tonight, so I will have to take a shower at naptime. I have been sleeping then, and it has really helped me have more energy in the afternoon to get things done before Nate comes home. I really hope this mess with the cell phone company gets straightened out. It made me feel so much better to have the cell phone with me, in case I go into labor while I am out with the boys, or if something were to happen after that, there is no way I could walk any distance carrying Ian and a newborn (with that van on its last legs), and holding George's hand, and I don't think Nate will want to take over grocery shopping or errands again. Maybe I just need to trust the Lord more. I'm sure I do, but I still would feel much better knowing I could reach Nate any time. Oh, as I look around at this house, at my impatience with the children, at all I have to do, but feel so inadequate to accomplish, I just want to cry sometimes. I let myself be put first, instead of cleaning or keeping things nice, or the children even. How wrong of me. Perhaps I should keep off of the computer for a few days. I'm afraid it has really been taking too much of my attention, with the homebirth message board. I usually check it twice a day, sometimes more. I am just so tired, and for some silly reason, when I am on the computer, I feel like I am accomplishing something more than if I were to just be sitting or reading or something. Of course, what I should be doing is cleaning the house, but I just have no energy. Oh Lord, please take away this complaisance and all the excuses in my mind, and help me to just obey You. I am praying for wisdom and kindness, like the woman in Proverbs 31. I'd better go, I have much to do.