I stand by my last post, I can see the Lord working, but I am also seeing the devil trying to work. The big praise that I was speaking of in the last post was that out of the blue, the owner of the company Nate works for came to him on Wednesday and said "I just wanted to let you know before you got your paycheck and thought it was a mistake, I gave you a $2 an hour raise." !!!! Nate was surprised and said thankyou. His boss told him he was worth every penny. This in itself is, of course, a huge blessing. I know my husband is worth 10x what he is paid, but it's always nice when his worth is realized a bit by other people too. But, I saw the real blessing here in an answer to prayer in how Nathan told me about the raise. I have been praying that the Lord would change his heart to feel the peace about going forward with pursuing this house, as the Lord has given me, OR that the Lord would change my heart and we would just both know what we should do. One of the concerns Nathan had about moving is that our house payment would be higher and the first thing Nate said about the raise was "Well, I guess that extra house payment money is taken care of." I was surprised that that was the first thing he thought of, and I saw that as confirmation that the Lord was inclining his heart towards going forward with the house. I also completely see the Lord's hand in Nathan getting that much of a raise right now.

I went to see the house yesterday afternoon and talked with the realtor a bit. The house is beautiful. It's only 2ish years old and has been lived in by a single guy who works a lot. The refridgerator, stove and dishwasher, which are staying in the house, look like they've never even been used. He's also willing to leave the washer and dryer if someone wants them. There are three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The great big master bedroom's walk-in closet is definitely big enough to put a crib in and have plenty of space left over for actual closet space. I think it's bigger than our bathroom here. Actually the "formal dining room" could very easily be turned into another bedroom down the road if we needed to, and it wouldn't be hard to add onto the back also. There are two pantries in the really big dining room and plenty of cabinet space. I know this probably sounds so silly, but standing in the laundry room that was right off the kitchen, I almost started crying. Just the thought of being able to have it right there, to do laundry anytime sounds so wonderful, as opposed to having to do it only at night or when the kids are sleeping because I'm afraid they will follow me down the rickety stairs into the basement, which are a huge pain to drag laundry up, especially when I am pregnant. (Yikes, was that ever a ridiculously long, run-on sentance!!) There is a great big two car garage, and an attic/crawlspace from there with plenty of storage. It is far back from the road, with a paved driveway, plenty of space for kids to ride bikes, and the yard isn't great right now, but there is potential for lots of room for kids to play. It's very wooded and private, which Nate really likes about our house now. The kids could make a tree house within sight of the house. And, the best part, it's just a short walk through the woods to Grandma's house!! Some of my best memories growing up are of being at my grandparents house and I just want that for my kids so much. Nate's family is such an incredible blessing to us, and I know it would be an encouragement and help to them also. It would be so much easier to be together with Nate's brother and family when they come visit, too. It's on a quiet, dead-end road that would be great for taking walks on, something that is not an option around here. This house is closer to the library, to shopping, to church, to friends, to homeschool groups in the future. So, anyway, the house is great, the location is great, the neighborhood is great. The realtor said she thought the seller would consider going down some in price, and he is leaving for Salt Lake City on June 1st.

As I said, I see the Lord's hand in the raise right now, and in Nathan's apparent attitude of acceptance of the raise as being from the Lord for the house. But then, last night, in talking with Nathan about it all, his attitde seemed to have changed back to cynical disbelief that it would work out and an unwillingness to pay even what the price of the house might be reduced to. I didn't say much, from the beginning of this I have felt providentially hindered from trying to talk Nate into anything. Last Saturday, when I was able to have that long, blessed stretch of time with the Lord, one of the passages that the Lord led me to was Matthew 6, about laying up treasures in Heaven, as opposed to on earth. When I was writing Nate his note this morning, I prayed about it and felt led to share this with him and I asked him if I could "gently suggest that he open his mind to the possibility that this was one of those times when it might be the Lord's will for him to be laying up treasures in Heaven instead of making a 'sound financial decision' and laying up treasures on earth." I don't think I will ever understand the responsiblity he feels to provide for his family and to always make the "sound financial decision," and I know that if he can see in the numbers that something is better than something else is money-wise, that is what he always decides on. I don't know what the Lord's will is here exactly, I just know that I have felt a great peace about moving and faith that the Lord will work it all out. I have prayed that the Lord take this from me if it is not His will, and that He just clearly guide us. I have prayed this over and over, and I just have to leave it in the Lord's hands. It is my husband's decision ultimately, and I can't change his heart or his mind. I know it will be an incredibly hard thing for Nathan to reconcile making a not so great financial decision with it being God's will. I don't want this to be about my desires. I want this to be something that brings glory to God and accomplishes His will in our lives, whatever that may be.